MIL resentful of me being a SAHM

[OneTiredMummmyyy]

I'm a SAHM to two children under two (youngest 7 months). DP works long hours and we have no family around who can help out childcare wise.

Recently it has been apparent that my MIL and SIL are both resentful of the fact I'm a SAHM and from the vague hints that DP drops, they keep asking him when I'm going to go out and get a job

I'm getting so fed up with being judged. I know it bothers DP as they are basically implying I'm lazy, despite the fact I had a job right up to DC1 being born. It's hard enough doing what I do with no family help, but to be criticised as well is really getting me down.

Anyone else who has been in this situation? Any advice on how to deal with it?

I wonder does she want you to work so she can have the children and of course if her daughter is a creep, she's going to back up her mother's opinion.

Message them and ask them if they have a problem, they won't likely reply. Arseholes. Don't bother yourself with them.

FFS it is hardly a 'doss' being home with a baby and a toddler is it?
Anyway they need you now.....anyone who says you are lazy and should get a job can get to fuck to be honest, whoever they are.

They don't have the guts to say anything to you directly so I'd just carry on as normal. 2 kids under 2 is harder than working a paid job IMO.

I hate to say this but your DP not telling them to belt up is part of the problem. He should shut down that conversation and not report back to you.

He can love them no matter what crap they spew but you won't. Therefore he shouldn't come and tell you what they've said, otherwise you could very well change your attitude to them, which won't help in the long run.

I think they are jealous of your position and please try to ignore it. Maybe they both had to work and resent the fact that you & DH have chosen to do things your way, which you are quite right to do, especially with a 7 month old! Don't let them get to you, rise above it all! It works for your family, anf thats all that matters!

Completely off the main point but having read so many threads on here about husbands leaving and their sahm wives being petrified about financial ruin, if you are choosing to be a sahm and are not married, then please do think about getting married or getting a job in the next few years otherwise you could end up in an even worse position then the married sahms whose husbands leave them.

As ILS aren't saying these things to your face it's very easily resolved.

Just tell DP to STFU and stop telling you all this stuff. Why on earth is he doing this? Is he prone to liking a bit of drama?

actually i think happypoobum has made the best point so far.

I've got the opposite situation. DH does a 9-5 which he hates and readily takes copious amounts of parental leave to look after baby. PILL thoroughly dissporove of this effeminate (wtf) choice.

I am what you'd call a career person. My work drives me, motivates me and I travel thrice a year to bizarre destinations on which DH comes along for a family holiday and to look after DS. I love my profession and my job. DS has a childminder.

My PIL resent all of this. Women should stay home, cook clean, husbands should earn bread. and PIL should vote UKIP to rid us of all immigrants like me their DIL

I care not one bit. DH continues to hate his job and look after our household in every spare moment. I continue to pursue my career. DS continues to eat DDog's fur. Ddog continues to eat shit. Life goes on.

Thanks for all your replies since my last post.

MIL was a SAHM but apparently did a few odd evening jobs from home. SIL is self employed from home.

I think it could be a jealousy thing: MIL and SIL did have money worries when their DCs were young ( however they are now very comfortable), but me and DP were older and both had properties before we met and had DCs.

Just annoys me as surely they should want the best for their DS / DB!

I agree and I said the same thing as Happy 2 posts earlier. How can your DP think he's helping by telling you what they say, unless he agrees and wants you to work.

Either that or he doesn't want you having a good relationship with MIL and SIL.

If I made such comments about my SILS I wouldn't expect my brothers to go back and tell them.

Why is your DP repeating the 'vague hints' that they drop to him? {confused].

Is he the one who is concerned what his mother and sister think about you? That is very disprespectful. I was a SAHM for years and have no idea, or even care, what my ILs thought of our family decision.

It's always difficult when you're doing something different to what they're used to. Women in DH's family have always given up work when they had children, then if they went back to work, they went back to something part-time - I think they find the fact that I've continued working full-time (other than maternity leave) with mine very difficult to understand, and I occasionally get comments - SIL made a classic a while ago, about how she couldn't put her child in nursery because that would be 'paying someone else to raise her child'. Needless to say, our children went to nursery :-/

Posted too soon - the only thing matters is what works for you and your family!

at zzzzz Wrong thread maybe?

Well, recently it became apparent (to me) that MIL and SIL have an issue with me (not FIL, get on fine with him), and I kind of said to DP - what issues do they have. DP really isn't a good liar, hence the hints... What I can piece together from the hints are about me sitting it home lording it up in a big house all day while he goes out to work (!) and i think they have an issue with the fact we had kids a couple of years into a relationship... I think the implication is that I trapped him.

Since they are not said to you then you can just pretend you have never heard them.
If they do say it to you then you can just say 'it suits us at the moment' - repeated if necessary. There is no need to justify or explain.

Having kids 2 years into a relationship isn't quick IMO and you can't be sitting around lording it with a baby and a near toddler. Does your SIL have kids?

Does your DP feel he was trapped ?
Did you plan the kids together?
Do they think he's too young to settle down or something?

Childcare would eat up too much money right now for you and age gap between the kids is not much.

Those who wish to be SAHMs can do so by all means, but once all your kids are in high school, you really don't need to be.

I see all to often men getting pissed off and resentful of wives who haven't worked for the whole marriage and are dependent on them. Then they meet a career woman who is everything their wife isn't and there you go.

It's women in this situation who are at a total loss when they get left. Not having earned by their own means for the last 30 years or so.

^ That's not the situation for the OP right now. You have 2 babies and even if you did go to work ... you still have the kids after work tiring you out and you'd be very knackered at work with sleepless nights.

Personally, I'd start keeping my distance from your MIL and SIL. I can just imagine them saying - don't marry her or she'll get half your money if you divorce.

I would be pretty peeved with them if I was you.

They should simply STFU.

You really don't need to justify the decisions your family makes, tell the interfering cows to piss off and mind their own business.

We planned to have children - hence I relocated with him and we bought a family home together. I gave up a lot to be with him but MIL and SIL don't seem to appreciate that.

(I should add that financially I am ok even in the event of a split, without touching his money!).

You are all 100% right in that I should ignore them but it is so hard not to be affected by it.

They are jealous and interfering. Ignore.

If MIL and SIL want to think bad of you then there's absolutely nothing you can do about it but your H does need to do a better job of defending your joint decision and shutting them down. However, I have been on the receiving end of 'so and so thinks this and that about you' and it really was code for 'I think this about you'.