I am 30 years old and am 7 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy with my partner of 3 years. We live together and his daughter from his previous marriage aged 5 lives with us half the week.
We had unprotected sex and discussed the options, we agreed that now wasn’t quite the right time as we were planning to do a trip together in Jan. I took the morning after pill but became pregnant anyway.
I was really pleased about the pregnancy, I have realised just how much I wanted a child of my own since becoming a stepmum figure to his daughter and how important family is to me. My partner was initially happy about the news, but since we discussed money and the practical side of it he has now changed his mind and has started saying he wants me to have an abortion.
Before this happened we had talked about children in the future, initially he said no he did not want any more (he never wanted his daughter or any children to begin with but since she started talking and became a real personality, he can’t see her enough and absolutely adores her). Gradually through our relationship he eased up as could see how important it was to me and how good we are as a family. We agreed to think about it in a couple of years time, and after taking the morning after pill he even suggested trying next year after our trip away.
Since I became pregnant I have asked him what he really thinks, at first he was happy to go with the flow, he even told his parents at 6 weeks and they were very happy. But since we started discussing the reality of finances, he has gone cold on the idea and feels pressurised.
I work full time on a decent salary £23,000 pa but my partner only earns £800 per month as a part time evening worker in entertainment. He likes to spend his day time doing his hobbies outdoors and does not want to work any more than is absolutely necessary, he has made this very clear.
I will be down to statutory maternity pay when I leave work and it will be a struggle to pay the rent and bills on this and his £800 a month salary. He says he doesn’t have enough money to support us, or to save, and suggested that I will have to go to work before the six months are up which really upset me. He says he is willing to compromise and do things he doesn’t want to do, such as babysit whilst I work in the day, but that he doesn’t like babies and will find it stressful. (He did this with his ex as she was also the main earner). He says he wants the abortion because I will use the baby as an excuse to push him in a direction workwise that he does not want to go down, ie working more.
I feel like he is just a bit lost career wise and isn’t prepared to give up his free time to take on the responsibility of a baby. I cannot see myself aborting the pregnancy, I know it would be the end of our relationship if I did and also that I would feel so regretful. I wouldn’t be able to be around his daughter, it would just cause me pain. My instinct is have this baby no matter what, and as I have always been surrounded by positive strong females who have achieved so much on their own I feel confident. That is obviously the worst case scenario. Am I being selfish? Any advice appreciated x