i phoned womens aid today...now im panicking

[feelinghopeless33]

Hello everybody
I finally took the plunge today and phoned the womens aid helpline for a chat/to try and get some advice on how to build my confidence to get out of an awful relationship im in but they needed to do a referral and were asking all sorts of questions about my boyfriends name,address what he does for a job etc and i panicked and lied .... im so scared somehow he might know the person on the phone or something ( stupid i know ) and it will get bk to him and make things even worse than they are already
Has anyone else had to phone them before????
Its really gutted me that ive had to take that step but im at my wits end feel like im going mad with the head games and dont know where to turn....have i done the right thing???

oooo ... very cool exercise swan ...

Sorry ive not been on sooner and thanks for the replies... i was having a good weekend but have just recieved a facebook msg from one of the lads hes gone away with saying hes broken his phone so cant get in touch but not to worry hes safe
Its made me feel really panicky again :( much as hes horrible to me i do love him and worry about him so to not hear from him till god knows when has really upset me
Is anyone up?

Op, please don't worry about him, he really isn't worth the brain chemistry. If he wanted to get in touch with you he would, broken phone or not. Concentrate on your appointment with WA tomorrow: they can and will help you. Please let them. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you luck.

So his friend could send you a message about him breaking his phone, but he couldn't borrow his friend's phone to call/text/message you himself? Hmm. When you stop feeling panicky, have a think about that.

Im just on the way to my appt with womens aid... barely slept a wink last night
I will come back on after and update
Thank you for all being kind and letting me talk to you im struggling so helps alot

Feel so disloyal being here i know thats stupid tho.... especially as hes away and i dont know if hes safe or not
My heads so pickled by worry im sorry for ranting :(

feeling, he's fine, he hasn't gone on a lads' outing to Syria, has he? How loyal do you think he's been - what with telling you everyone thinks you're a pest, poisoning your friendships and isolating you? You really need to get away from him and get your life back. How was your appointment?

The appt was ok they didnt really give me much advice just did some risk factor checklists and have made another appt for next week
My phone kept ringing over and over again while i was in there and the lady said i could answer it so i did and it was him having put his sim in someone elses phone but it just panicked me and i tried to get him off the phone pretending i was somewhere else then got off the phone ans cried that he will be pissed off with me now or accuse me of being with someone as i was quite obviously trying to finish the call quickly and wasnt responding to the nice stuff he was saying which usually i would

You know that accusing you of being with someone and getting pissed off is not a normal reaction, right? It's a controlling reaction to keep you in line, to keep you in a constant state of panic. But let's buy you some time here...so you were out and/or busy when he called. Where were you? At the supermarket? Text him now "sorry, was at supermarket when you rang. Talk properly tonight?" Or something like that. How do you feel after your appointment in general? Are you feeling less nervous?

Oh, and have a look at this: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Uglyswan... i have sent a text saying sorry that i was in my daughters nursery and not allowed to be on my phone in there not sure he will even see the msg as his phone is broke tho
The appt was ok the lady wasnt very friendly they were much nicer on the helpline but she did confirm that im not going crazy and what hes doing is wrong and on purpose which is a bit gutting
She has booked me another appt for next week

Well done. It doesn't matter if he doesn't see the text right away due to his "broken phone" - you have demonstrably done your best to contact him and play by the "rules". Do you really think he actually thinks you're seeing someone? Honestly? Or do you think he's pretending to think you're cheating to keep you in line? Which sounds more likely.

You are not going crazy. You are heroically battling the attempts of another person to keep you in a constant state of anxiety and self-doubt. I have no idea why people do this to each other, but they do. Fight back. You don't have to do it alone, you've already taken the incredibly brave step of contacting WA and posting on this board. Who else can you get on your team? Friends? Colleagues? Family? Of course, the most important person on your team is you. You have to want to look after you, to fight for you, to protect your sanity and wellbeing. Are you on your team?

Hi uglyswan and thanks for the message
Yes i definetley want to be on my team! Ive had a fairly productive day and will try to again tomorrow....havent heard a thing off him but just trying to keep busy and not worry
I agree i have to fight back and im trying... i need to start doing stuff for me not obsessing constantly about what hes doing or thinking as its debilitating and im sure he doesnt worry what im doing or thinking!
Thank you for being kind to me im still struggling but one step at a time i hope i get there

Hi feeling , sorry not to have got back to you earlier. Can I just say? I really have the greatest respect for you and what you're doing. Some of the greatest battles are invisible, even incomprehensible to most people. But it is a battle nonetheless: you're fighting for yourself and for your daughter. After all, you want to be the best model you can for her, so that she'll grow up to form strong and healthy relationships, because that's part of what being a good mother is. I'm so glad you're on your team! Do keep posting.

Uglyswan thank you for such a lovely message ive heard off him earlier so know hes alive anyway he wasnt nice tho i asked him was he looking forward to seeing me ( as hes back tomorrow ) and he said hes looking forward to a nice home cooked meal as he hasnt eaten very well while hes been away...thanks a bunch!
Im not sure whats going to happen atm but trying to get my head straight before he gets back
I went out to the pub on saturday night and got blind drunk to distract myself.. anyways at the end of the night an argument kicked off between a few friends over a long standing issue and i got really upset and a guy i know was sat cuddling me apparently ( i have very little recollection of this ) but my friend says he was being really sweet and protective to me .... its really made me think i havent done anything for him he doesnt owe me anything but he was kind to me just coz hes kind! My boyf would never be like that esp in public! I feel like im missing out on so much by being with him and theres loads i miss about relationships that i never get even tho im in one if that makes sense?
Dont get me wrong im not saying i want this guy rather than my boyf only that its highlighted to me that not all men would be horrible to me n its not me that makes him be like he is else other people would act the same to me
Sorry for ranting....having a very thoughtful day and helps to unmuddle my head by writing it down

OP, I think this: its highlighted to me that not all men would be horrible to me n its not me that makes him be like he is else other people would act the same to me is a very important realisation. Hold on to that. You are completely correct: other people would not act the same to you. Other people would treat you with kindness and respect. They would treat you like a human being, the way you deserve to be treated. How are you doing today? I'm assuming you're soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend (I'm calling him that because I'm optimistic) is back today. Please remember to log out of this forum every time you post. Use private browsing to access this and other sites, such as WA. And keep posting!

Hi sorry i havent replied sooner he was at mine last night as i really wanted to see if he had missed me or changed at all while he was away... i missed him loads and couldnt wait to see him i think maybe when u dont see someone u forget just how awful to u they are?
Anyway i had high hopes for last night cooked his favourite meal while he slept and then chatted for hrs on the phone to his mates hes just been away with anf ignored me hoping at some point he would realise i was there and be nice..... oh he realised i was there alright hes ripped me apart all night about what a pathetic person i am....
Im just walking back from dropping my daighter to nursery in tears.... hes still in my bed i said id wake him once ive cooked his breakfast n hopefully he will be in a better mood :(

Sweetheart, please don't cook this revolting manchild's breakfast for him. Have you no self-esteem at all? Get him out of your bed and out of your home.

Hes awake now and back on his phone after some horrible sex ... im not cooking his brekkie now ive said i wanna go out..
I just wanted him to be nice to me :(