Hi OP. how are you feeling after your chat with WA? Has it helped to have someone listen to you?
I have just read your updates over the last couple of days and your post about the obsessive behaviour really stuck out.
My exh made be feel like I was losing my mind. I suffer with depression which he completely used against me. He would use it as an excuse to tell people I had a 'mental health problem' and imply that I was unhinged and unstable. He's gone as far as to call social services and tell them I have been self harming in front of my children when I haven't. He would tell me I had made up scenarios and arguments to the point I stared recording conversations so I could listen back as I had started to doubt myself.
By the time i got up the courage to leave him well kick him out I was having 6/7 panic attacks a day. I didn't know what they were to start with and it terrified me.
I would pace up and down locking doors and windows, going back and checking them, then 2 minutes later checking them again. I installed cctv. I had my locks changed twice in a week. If I went out in the car I'd pull over every few minutes to make sure the children's seat belts were fastened even though I'd already checked. I couldn't face any noise but sitting in silence was somehow deafening.
In the end I spoke to my GP who diagnosed anxiety and OCD. I was put on medication and referred for some counselling.
If you can, please speak to your GP. If you can control the physical side of the panic attacks the psychological side seems easier to deal with.
It's a horrible situation to be in. From a personal point of view, I found the physical abuse easier to get over than the mental abuse. Bruises heal within a few weeks, self esteem takes a lot longer to fix.