Can we have a thread for people who know they need to leave but aren't quite ready yet?

[NoCapes]

I've attempted to start threads about my relationship before but I always let them die because I get quite a bit of "your poor children, think of them" or "why did you have kids with him?" responses which just makes me feel even more guilty and like shit, which is the very opposite of what I started the thread for

I would really like somewhere to brain dump all of the things he does/doesn't do/says so I can't convince myself that it's not that bad, and tbh I really need some support
I don't really have anyone I feel I can do this with in real life (they've all heard it a million times and are bored of me) and I know lots of people have been through similar things on here but I never seem to attract them to my threads, I usually get the judgypants

I don't feel ready to end it yet, I can't guarantee that I'll stick to it yet, I wouldn't trust him to have the children alone yet, I rely on him financially 100% atm
I'm just not ready to let go of the idea of a 'family' I had in my head yet
But I know I will, I know he'll never change, I know this isn't right
I'm just not sure when

There must be others in this situation? Fancy helping each other reach the end goal together? Without judgement

I have ?

Can I join in too?

Feeling on the verge of telling DH but feeling real anxiety and not sure I can go through with it.

I’m worried about my youngest DS and the thought of not being with him for birthdays/Christmas and holidays is causing me terrible stress.

My DH is EA but it’s taken me a long time to admit it and even now I’m struggling with it.

I’ve read lots of narcissism and it was like a light bulb moment and he sounds like a typical narcissistic yet I still don’t fully believe it.

I’ve been called Lots of names but never hit. I constantly walk on eggshells. I dread having to be intimate with him and actually can only do it if he doesn’t kiss me.

In a terrible mess and wish he would just leave - it’s sad as reading this post makes me realise I’m not alone

Another shocking weekend here. She real venom towards kids.
I gonna call CAB tomorrow. I need to know my options.
I'm not leaving kids with her, and she not for leaving (we've just had the divorce chat)

Tomorrow she will wake up act like nothing has happened. She has hit both kids today. Kids hitting her too.
I been out house this afternoon so don't know what full truth is.

I'm overwhelmed with stress she causing.
Tomorrow me and kids will be eating dinner and all dreading her putting key in the door 🙈

Can i ask what the abreviations mean
SIL= sister in law
DD= ?
DP= ?
etc thank you

DD - Dear Daughter / DS - Dear Son
DP - Dear Partner
DW - Dear Wife
DH - Dear Husband
OW - Other Woman

HTH.

How have things worked out for folk on this thread?

What if you want partner to leave home but they refuse?

Money is the main barrier to leaving for many folk.

Starting another 25 year mortgage again to be able to afford a home on a single income is far from ideal 🙈
Any tips?

I'm in! Decided for various reasons that I had reached the end of the line late last year & saw lawyer/IFA.

Really need to work on changing my financial position before I call an end to it.

Feel really shitty all round about that, as it doesn't feel fair for the kids - I think it's better to do it when they are younger (before the teenage years). I don't want them growing up realising a loveless marriage is the norm, and sadly they will have to move home/schools/areas.

Shit all round.

can i join

i feel like i am literally in a life or death situation, i either put up with the coercive control and EA or i leave and he kills himself.
Starting to really wear me down now i'm in 10's of thousand pounds debt because of him, we have a DD so i'm wary to leave her with him if he didn't end up killing himself and i can't go NC because of DD so i'm completely stuck at a dead end. the only place i get space is work that i don't even get paid for i volunteer and he won't get a job because of his 'paranoia' he says he has too little patience to work so is on the sick.
I am accused of cheating daily- in fact hourly! i am not and never have been a cheat.

Hi
Can I join please?
We've had problems for a long time.been together 12 yrs&have a 10 yr old DD.
I think it's more EA the way he talks to me.talking over me so that I will hopefully bk down etc etc.
I don't bk down now though.
Just sort of marking my place for now if that's ok.

I did. I left.
With the kids last Friday.
Not the slightest doubt in my mind it was right thing to do.
All 4 of us were utterly miserable.
I already skipping meals to save costs, so not going to be easy.

(I'm a bloke by the way. Posting here as Dadsnet is dull as dishwater)

I left!!

16th December last year. The night before he frightened me that much shouting at me over messy drawers and a tiny smudge of dirt on a fork id not washed properly (he never did any housework and would shout at me over balling his socks wrong). I felt myself cowering and thought right that’s it.

I broke up with him, he admitted his behaviour was fowl and he left that night sobbing.

I’d just met a ‘friend’ around that time who was nothing but supportive. He is now my DP! Treats me like a queen, goes above and beyond for the housework and money and has even taken on my DD. I’ve also gained myself a ‘step daughter’, we are living together and I’ve had the best year of my life to date. I have laughed hard and smiled every single day since I broke up with him and my life couldn’t be more different and happy and carefree now!

Leaving was scary, finances were a mess but it was hands down the best thing I’ve done for myself.

Always put yourself first, it’s so worth it!

@LionelMessy

Happy for you!! Finances and getting everything sorted is difficult but it’s a great, leaning journey. Hardship makes you stronger.

Well done for putting yourself and your kids first and I wish you all the best in your new found singledom

@54Cherrypicker01 how old are the DCs involved and what were thw timescales in them meeting your DP and all living together?

I'm in a similar situation, left last year, new DP but we know we need to hold off living together for now although it's something we both really want.

I'm almost there! Have told him I can't continue & want to separate.

Am seeing a lawyer tomorrow, as is he & we're aiming for mediation to agree division of equity in house & eg where to live (the sticking points).

It's a massive relief in one way, but the atmosphere at home is awful & neither of us can afford the house on our own or to move out.

2020 can only be better......