So angry with dh- can't move house

[mrsmoustache]

Posting for advice as I'm not sure what to do or where to go next.
About 6 years ago I found out that dh had not being paying the mortgage and had run up debts of £25,000. This had been happening over a period of 2 years, but he didn't tell me or give me any signs that we were struggling. I found out when I opened a letter from the mortgage people.
Cue lots of upset and me feeling like I couldn't trust him. He says he was trying to protect me. I took over paying for the mortgage (I had recently returned to work after looking after our 3 children) and both our parents helped us clear the arrears.
Dh took an extra job- a couple of evenings and his parents gave him a monthly amount and over time he cleared the debt.
Last year, he said he only had a small amount outstanding, so we decided to move house. Everything was sorted, mortgage advisor said despite previous debts it was all good. However (you guessed it) at the last minute we couldn't get a mortgage because of outstanding repayments. Everything fell through, lost an amazing house and I was pretty devastated. Anyway, picked myself up made a plan to clear everything and try again the following year. So all paid off 2months ago and have just been waiting for the credit report to update. Dh told me this week that his credit score has gone further down, not up. He says this is because he now has no debt.
I'm desperate to move house - not for me but the kids. 5 of us in a 3 bed with my eldest (18) sharing with my youngest (12) and my middle child (6ft) in a tiny box room. They are desperate for space and privacy.
Because it is effecting them, I'm so upset and angry at Dh. We're trapped despite having a good combined income (70k).
On some levels, I know it's not his fault- I should have been more on the ball and he's tried to sort things. He's a good dad, loves me too much and does more than his fair share, but I can't stop feeling angry with him.
I guess I'll have to take out some sort of loan and extend the house, but I didn't want the upheaval with 2 children in exam years.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far- any advice?

An Equifax or Experian check costs £2 and takes about a week to get a PiN through so you can check the info online but that is very very detailed indeed

No, you can get your credit score immediately through experian and a 30 day trial for free. You must remember to cancel it though otherwise there's a monthly subscription to pay. I did mine 6 weeks ago one evening because I was bored and wondered what it'd be given I've only ever had 4 mortgages.

An over spend of £1040pcm is a lot of money to overspend. Of course that £25000 would have a large element of interest to it if he was so useless with money he failed to pimp his credit card debt.

I can totally understand an 18 year old wanting their own room and not sharing with a 12 year old.

If nothing else some peace and quiet to study.

The rental option is a good idea. These days the rental agencies also do credit checks and ask for a guarantor, it would get you what you need.

In order to rent out your own place you'll need it to meet certain standards. I suggest you contact a letting agent to find out.

In some parts of the country (where there is a shortage of rental property) they have guaranteed rental schemes. Meaning your home is assured to bring a certain amount of money and if it's empty the local authority will still pay. This would only be by putting your house in the hands of the local authority to handle.

For your DH to pay credit card bills instead of the mortgage was very irresponsible though. That's the roof over his family's head. He could have contacted the CC companies and discussed his situation, because essential bills like mortgage/rent, utilities and food take priority over CC debts. He could have reached a financial agreement with them.

Some people are terrible with managing money. If all other aspects of your marriage are good then work through it.
Marriage is for better for worse.. in good times and in bad.

When I left XH I was linked with him in my credit reports for years, joint overdraft debt (his), mortgage, etc and his wasn't great. I doubt your report will be very strong.

You'll have to sit with him and go through the statements, all of them including his cards, bank accounts and the mortgage. I think you'll be in for some nasty surprises, sorry.

In some parts of the country (where there is a shortage of rental property) they have guaranteed rental schemes. Meaning your home is assured to bring a certain amount of money and if it's empty the local authority will still pay. This would only be by putting your house in the hands of the local authority to handle

Guaranteed rental schemes are insurance policies when you rent to private individuals. To rent out it must be allowable under the mortgage. Buy to let mortgages are more expensive. The OP has said the house isn't their anyway.

Renting through the local authority is prohibited, even under many buy to let mortgages, I can't see why as the maintain the property and give it back as you have it to them and the income is guaranteed. This would be a great option for many landlords who don't have [restrictive] mortgages.

Sandy I can understand an 18 year old wanting their own room too how're they don't need it. And like I said surely they are moving out going to uni soon anyway.
In the mean time they can study at the kitchen table or in their room when 12 year old not there. Many children do.

I just would t be getting into debt for an adult child's wants unless they had a disability and where staying at home for some time.

Could it be gambling?

I would want to forensically find out where the money went. I would also talk to a debt advisor.

I would want full disclosure, before I would even decide to stick with him. That is a lot of money, and a lot of dishonesty.

As to the people saying a child is 18 so going soon, well my friends with grown up children have seen them tend to be "boomerangs" as it is very hard for young people to set up in their own homes. There maybe things you can do to make your present house work, but not with a "H" that you cannot trust not to put you in debt.

How has he run up so much debt? You will need to tackle why and how this happened if you are to have kind of future with him. Is it gambling, another family or something else? How can you be sure that he won't do this again and maybe worse, lose the house completely to the bank of debt collectors? Good luck, you deserve complete transparency and a stable future.

Seconding Noddle, for a free site it really is good