To feel unreasonably angry that I have to sit though TV quiz shows.

[pearlylum]

Just a rant. My mother sits though endless bloody quiz shows on TV. I don't watch much TV but these are driving me nuts. The Chase, Pointless ( the worst) Tipping Point.

Thanks guys. I don't want to sound at all stubborn, and I am not rejecting ideas deliberately.
My mother would go nuts if I suggested Social Services, she doesn't see herself as elderly or vulnerable, and sees day centres for the old and incapable. Day centres here are hugely oversubscribed anyway, with big waiting lists.
She sees her GP on a regular basis for some health problems, hypertension, arthritis etc, if you would to meet her you would see a lively, chatty, able, capable elderly woman. When she is feeling good she is able to catch the bus, meet a friend for a small shopping trip and coffee, visit the library etc. She does run out of steam halfway though sometimes and I have to rush out and pick her up by car.
I don't mind seeing to her care needs- I do all her washing and cooking, but I know she needs more on the social front.

Her tv needs are just the tip of the iceberg, I note she also follows you and your other half around the house too.

Is her GP helpful, could you meet with this person to discuss your mother purely with regards to her ongoing social care needs that you through no fault of your own cannot fully provide. Age UK may also be worth contacting as well.

Not suggesting you haven't enquired with day centres directly but have you actually contacted them directly?. It is also worth contacting the Salvation Army, they also run elderly day care centres in some parts of the country.

The problem as well is that although she can deny it all she wants, she is indeed elderly and vulnerable also in terms of her learning disability. She is not going to get any younger and will become more frail over time.

Why do her preferences have to come first? She prefers to watch tv downstairs you prefer to watch what you want. She is in your house. It sounds as though you may have 10 or more years of this and if you and your husband are to enjoy your home you have to take back some ownership. You are treating her like a temporary guest who gets their own way for a few days then goes.

My DM got so she couldn't follow a tv programme so stopped watching it then, she sort of looked at the paper (DMail) but I don't think could actually recall what she had read. So this won't go on indefinitely.

You need to get wifi set up so you can watch your own choice with earphones.

Socialising became too much effort for my DM (couldn't catch what people were saying etc) and she preferred just being with me.
There are some charities who will call on lonely older people, if you are out at work all day then they might call in or even accompany her out, though would prob have to pretend to be something else or DM will be offended probably.

I would urge kindness.

Are you my daughter, pearly ? I love The Chase and Tipping Point.
I can see how this is very wearing. Are you the poster whose sister lives abroad and never visits?

The only thing that would improve it is if they put loads of crap toys on top of the coins.*

My MiLs partner is the same. He finishes work around 2:30 then comes home and sits in front of the tv and watches all that days quiz shows that she's recorded for him. Even the random rubbish BBC ones that last one series as they're so bad. We can't have a conversation with her as he's shouting out the answers. He's a twat in oh so many ways though.

Don't you ever get to choose what's on?
Why doesn't elderly mum have own TV in own bedroom?

Could be worse... teenage DD likes Jeremy Kyle on in the day & TBBT all evening. When she's not watching reruns of Friends. And the boys play shoot-em-up games. I've dug out the pins to stick in my eyeballs all day & evening, a lot more appealing. Or I take them shopping/cafes/long walks.

It seems a very martyry frustrating way to live your life though. Being "kind" doesn't mean letting your mum dominate your sitting room all the time for years on end. Has she moved in with you too early? Maybe agree a compromise where she chooses stuff until 7 but you and oh choose the evening schedule with her going upstairs if she doesn't like it. If she wants company she watches what you watch.

Loving the martyr comment. Thanks for that.

She needs a club, book club, gardening club, film club, bingo , anything to get her out a couple of times a week...oap pilates or yoga...there are loads and loads of groups many free or a small charge its a case of finding and going...which is the worst step as its out of the comfort zone.

rosa I agree- although the pilates and yoga are not an option because of arthritis, walking and standing are sometimes a challenge.
We live in rural Scotland, so clubs that you suggest don;t exist I'm afraid. So really not loads and loads of options.
I appreciate your suggestions.

It's a bit like telling someone who is overweight to go on a diet! Is it likely to work?
Telling someone they need to get out and meet people or join clubs isn't likely to work either. They have to make the decisions themselves.

You need to find a work around that suits you OP. Eg a comfy chair in the kitchen to sit with your laptop.
And if you force her to do something she doesn't want to you have to live with their bad moods/ martyrdom. Ime old people are selfish and can feel that their age justifies them behaving any way they want.

I didn't realise it was your house. .my apologies.

Initially I thought you and your mum were younger actually. Can she join some church groups if she's religious perhaps?

I think part of the issue is that your character is rather different from your mums. It must be lonely for her while you're at work I imagine.

It's hard being a carer of an elderly parent. Are you the only child?

sandy, thanks. I have a sister, but she lives abroad so really out of the picture in practical terms. No other famliy.

I work from home, I am self employed. So I am around most of the time.

Are you socially isolated as well pearly?. It seems that way and your location is perhaps not helping either, it seems quite isolated. What quality of life do you yourself have or does everything for you now revolve really around your mother?. Did you take her into your home purely and simply because no-one else would have done so or would have been up to the task?.

oyster babe- that's a fab idea!!!!!

I'm thinking brassy gold rings with knockout jewels, plastic spiders, crap key ringers which break as soon as you touch them and the pisse de resistance- a cigarette lighter!

"Pisse de resistance"? Presumably that was deliberate, given the subject matter!

Ha ha auto correct but very fitting!

It can be so hard to find social activities in a rural area! Do you have a local Women's Institute? Does your local library run any clubs (eg: book club) that she might enjoy.

No escape at all then if you WFH. Have you ever thought about sheltered housing for her? Where she can live independently but with wardens on site.

It's a big fear of mine. Having to care for elderly relatives and can put an awful strain on your marriage too.

My DM/DF don't live with me, but visited my home city and stayed a little while. My DH is something of a telly addict and I was trying to find a courteous way to get them out of the living room because I knew he wanted to watch something.

It's times like this you kinda wish there was enough cash to buy her a one bedroomed bungalow and hire an ad hoc carer to run errands.

Sorry posted on wrong thread.

OP hi I feel your pain. My FIL is in his late 80s and lives with us. We are lucky in that we have separate living spaces however he has BBC news on constantly. It is like Groundhog Day when the same news I heard at 11 is on again at 2pm 4pm etc .
He also is very lonely hence the TV and his friends are also dead or infirm.
He refuses to join clubs etc for the elderly as he doesn't see himself in that category hence DH and I are his only source of entertainment or conversation.
We don't get the stories about the postman but we do get the same stories about people we have never met or ever likely to meet repeated .
You have my sympathies as it is very difficult living rurally as we do but having said that my FIL absolutely refuses to even discuss activities outside the home. He seems happy with just DH and I for company but it is very wearing.

I haven't read the thread, but can you negotiate some more time with your choice of tv watching. I loath game shows with a passion and would hate this too.

We have 2 televisions in the house and both of us will spend time in the bedroom watching something else if the other is watching something we hate, but we take in turns and compromise if necessary. Neither one gets to dominate viewing on the main tv.

I hope this doesn't sound too had hearted, but if my mum was living with us I would make sure she had a tv in her room and banish her there if it got too much.

I assume you are out in the day and she is at home and able to watch what she wants all day until you come home?

When I'm old I can imagine wanting to watch tv all day and that my choice of watching will not be to others taste. A tv of my own where I can't disturb others will be a must. No way would I insist on my children having to endure yet another murder mystery (my own personal addiction).