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Original poster

did you fancy him straight away?

79 replies

funnychops · 15/05/2016 18:52

So first date today with a lovely guy, such a sweet heart, we got on well but the thing is I just didn't fancy him at all. He has told me he really likes me but I'm just not feeling it, which I am completely gutted about because he's actually perfect boyfriend material but I'm just not attracted to him in that way.

Did you fancy your Dp/Dh straight away or was it a slow burner attraction?

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 17/05/2016 06:50

ExH, I can't remember. Met in halls at uni in first day or two, certainly liked him but was seeing someone from home. Found out he was also on my course and spent a lot of the first year together, falling in love but staying friends. Ditched boyfriend over the summer when I realised my feelings, went back to uni and got straight together.

DP, not at all. I was married when we met. He interviewed me for a job in 2000, I spent the next 8 years being married, having 2 babies and continuing working for him. We always got along well as colleagues but there was nothing there at all. ExH left, I was devestated, he split with his wife and suddenly bam. Wtf did that come from? For a long time I thought it was rebound for both of us and just sex (which was and is just fantastic). He says it was the same for him, that he always enjoyed my working company but certainly hadn't secretly fancied me for years.
He says I'm his soulmate, I say he is ridiculous and there is no such thing, how can there only be 1 person. But he just does complete me, he feels like home and there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

CassandraAusten · 17/05/2016 06:51

When I first met DH we were both already in relationships, so I didn't think of him in 'that' way. Within 6 months we'd both split up with our boy/girlfriend, and we got together a couple of months after that. I would say it was a slow burner - we worked together so we took it very slowly. Still together 19 years later!

elliepac · 17/05/2016 06:52

I met DP online dating and due to him working away for a couple of months we had been chatting for a long time before we actually met. The chemistry was fantastic on a screen and we had obviously seen pictures and knew we liked the look of each other. The first time we met was ridiculouslt nerve wracking because although we both knew we had fallen for each other you cannot know for sure until you actually meet. He came to my door and I was so nervous i could barely open it. From the minute he walked in I found him the most attractive man i had ever met, he kissed me straight away and that was it. First date lasted for a whole weekend and we both instantly knew that we had something special. We are now a year in and I cannot imagine life without him. I know he is the man I will marry.

YoJesse · 17/05/2016 08:37

Yes, instantly fancied him before I'd even got up the courage to talk to him.
We were at a party and he was surrounded by friends just looking like the most gorgeous, cool and interesting bloke I'd seen. [sigh]

Bitchqueen90 · 17/05/2016 10:20

I never, ever fancy anyone straight away. Honestly. I have to talk to them and get to know them/their personality before I start to fancy them.

Candlefairy101 · 17/05/2016 13:19

I tell my husband that he's lucky I didn't fall for him because of his looks because looks change, his personality will be with us forever.

I also think it's more important that they have the key things you are looking for... For me it was

  1. funny, after 15 years I feel like I need to wear a nappy he makes me laugh so much I think I'm gonna wet myself (having 3 kids might also play a part in that Blush)

  2. mans man, alpha type but still gentle and kind, sometimes I see him out with friends down the pub and all the blokes are surrounding him but they have no idea that the night before I asked him to run me a quick bath and he's covered every surface possible with candles Smile

  3. fabulous dad... He couldn't get more fabulous for me, he's so patient, calm etc

  4. oh and good with his hands Wink I mean knows how to use tools, has a van and at 27 he could build a house with his own hands!

My mum once told me she was speaking now to a women who had an arranged marriage, she asked her how the women made it work, the women said "always look at your husbands positive traits, try not to dwell in the bad because NO ONe is perfect"

My mum took that advice and she's been with my dad since they were 14!

Original poster
funnychops · 20/05/2016 11:46

So I have to update.....went on second date, and I don't know what I was thinking last time because he's bloody gorgeous! Really fancied him this time, we even had a little kiss (we'll a few actually) and can't stop thinking about him now. So, so glad I gave him a second chance. Thank you MN for your fabulous advice. Could have missed out on this gem of a guy if I'd not had a word with myself based on your advice Grin

OP posts:
firesidechat · 20/05/2016 12:35

No, but I still fancy him after 3 decades of marriage, which I think is more important than an immediate attraction.

CassandraAusten · 20/05/2016 13:08

That's great OP!

wallybantersjunkbox · 20/05/2016 14:00

Ah that's lovely op.

I think with organised dating nerves can get in the way, and it dulls the spontaneity a bit.

Have you made another date?

coughingbean · 20/05/2016 20:02

Yay funnychops!

Tinkerbellx · 21/05/2016 09:27

Talked to a guy on line for weeks . Then on phone .
Was incredibly nervous when we met . He was like yours the sweetest most sincere man . He looked ten years older than I expected and didn't fancy him one bit .
It was my daughter who encouraged me to see him again . She said mum you really got on with the guy you should at least stay friends ( both out of 25 year marriage ) .
He was so interesting our second date lasted 11 hours .
Now 18 months later even though he works on the other side of the world most of the time i can honestly say I have never ever fancied anyone so much or had such amazing sex .i now know what it means to love a person on the inside and rest just falls into place ....

ARichVernacular · 21/05/2016 09:44

I was friends with DH for years and it never crossed my mind.

Started spending more time together, got to know him more and grew closer...still nothing. I clearly remember thinking 'if only I fancied you, you would be the perfect partner for me!'

A few weeks later, I woke up (alone btw) and BAM! The switch had been flipped.

15 years and two kids later, he still makes me weak at the knees. And higher up Grin

ToastedOrFresh · 21/05/2016 10:14

I didn't not fancy him. I was intrigued by him. I could tell by the way he was talking to me that he was flirting with me/wanted to keep my attention. I was impressed.

We started seeing each other and he impressed me so much just by the way he was. He has a very kind and loving way about him.

He's interesting and fun. I felt loved by him which encouraged me to love him.

His love for me is on permanent send. I don't have to prompt him or try to get his attention. We've been married for 23 years.

Original poster
funnychops · 22/05/2016 08:25

Thanks everyone. Not set anything up yet wally but have both said we can't wait for next time. It will probably be next week sometime, as we already had plans this weekend. Very exciting. I also noticed that's he's closed his account and is off the dating site Grin.

OP posts:
lastnicknamefree · 25/05/2016 21:04

Loved reading this thread as it was quite helpful after a similar first date for me too this morning funny chops! Hopefully you've had or booked in, number 3 now and I'll look forward to my second date Saturday night with a bit more confidence and hope for some increase in chemistry now I've read this!

wallybantersjunkbox · 26/05/2016 08:34

Oooh la la !

Fingers crossed for you!

Original poster
funnychops · 26/05/2016 10:18

last glad this has been helpful and date 3 was amazing! Couldn't keep our hands off eachother....Blush

Then spent 2.5 hours on the phone to one another that night!

Good luck with the date last....let us know how you get on!

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 26/05/2016 11:42

YES! couldn't wait to get his kit off! And I still feel like that.

lastnicknamefree · 26/05/2016 14:06

Wow funnychops and you really didn't fancy him at all when you first met? Gosh what a turnaround! Makes you wonder how many people might have missed out on something really good if they had just given it a second date!

Original poster
funnychops · 26/05/2016 14:35

No last I didn't fancy him, sat on my hands the whole time incase he tried to grab one (cinema), I recognised he was good company and we spent lots of time chatting over coffee, before and after film, and during the journey in the car on the way there which was a good 20 mins each way.
But he replied in such a dignified and understanding way when I said no to a second date, that in the morning I rethought and realised that he was not the average guy. He went in for a kiss early doors on the second date 'in case I changed my mind again' - think I've been hooked ever since. Last date, while he was chatting away I cant remember how many times I zoned out and just kept saying 'please just shut up and kiss me now' in my head over and over.
I surprised myself at the turnaround - but I think as I've got to know him as a person something has just clicked. I also think on the first date I was so nervous and maybe I didn't want to fancy him (I've had a few bad experiences and was maybe guarded). Who knows? But yes - definitely if he's a lovely person, then give him a second date and see how things pan out.

OP posts:
LadyAntonella · 26/05/2016 14:40

I don't think I really noticed him tbh as I had a huge crush on his mate! He turned out to be a bit of a cunt actually, but DH and I became friends and then got together ages later. Weird as DH is definitely my 'type' if there is such a thing.

NathalieM · 26/05/2016 14:52

I did, good thing I acted upon it too!

RubbishMantra · 26/05/2016 17:26

First of all I found DH arrogant (nervous, but I didn't know that at the time), then he intrigued me, I met him through work and would see him at least once a week. Didn't fancy him though.

After a period of not seeing him, I felt a strange pull towards him when we next saw each other, which just kept getting stronger. I used to say to him, you arse, you've turned me into a chocolate fondant, all squishy on the inside.

Sadly he died less than a year ago, but I still miss him every waking moment.

I'm so glad you gave your date another try OP. May you both make chocolate fondants of each other. Smile

DownstairsMixUp · 26/05/2016 17:28

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