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Original poster

did you fancy him straight away?

79 replies

funnychops · 15/05/2016 18:52

So first date today with a lovely guy, such a sweet heart, we got on well but the thing is I just didn't fancy him at all. He has told me he really likes me but I'm just not feeling it, which I am completely gutted about because he's actually perfect boyfriend material but I'm just not attracted to him in that way.

Did you fancy your Dp/Dh straight away or was it a slow burner attraction?

OP posts:
donajimena · 15/05/2016 22:33

I wasn't 'over' my ex when I reluctantly shuffled out of the house for my first date with my now partner...
by the end of the evening I couldn't think what I had seen in my ex...
it doesn't sound hopeful.

bert3400 · 15/05/2016 23:35

Yes I did ...and 18 years later I still fancy the pants off him !! Give it a bit more time . He might of been really nervous

mummyto2monkeys · 16/05/2016 00:13

**Montane50 I just laughed out loud there, I told my husband and he laughed and said 'I guess that makes me Mr Darcy'. We are married ten years and together thirteen. When our son was born almost nine years ago the midwife came round the ward to check on him as he was under a lamp for jaundice. When she was finished she picked him up and said 'shall I give him to Daddy?' then proceeded to walk to my Dad who was visiting.. My husband walked towards her saying 'yes Daddy will take him', he was a bit upset lol (in hubby's defence ds was his double so i have no idea why there was a mix up) My Dad was delighted, he burst out laughing, he was young looking at the time, although every one introduced to him as my Dad always comment about how alike we are.....

This is such a lovely thread, when my husband drove me home (and popped in to say hello to my parents ) from our first date, my Mum turned around after he had left and said ' You think you have met the man you are going to marry don't you'. I was shocked she recognized that but yes I fell in love on that first date. Dh has since admitted that he felt the same. I am glad that I gave my dh a second chance!!

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 16/05/2016 00:23

They say that the 'slow burners' are the best!

But I think there has to be some, even tiny, little flame in there. I always thought I had to fancy my BFs but when I look back, I can't see the physical attraction to a couple, but must have felt it at the time! So things can change.

Maybe thinking of the idea of touching his hand or something, does it completely feel wrong? Or kind of OK?

I did once reject a really good man, super intelligent, super lovely, very funny, because the physical connection didn't feel like it was there. But now, when I see him (and he's married now) - I realise I just didn't give him a chance, he is very fanciable and I do regret that one. He was the one that I stupidly chucked away!

Original poster
funnychops · 16/05/2016 10:20

OK....wise women of MN I heeded your advice and it looks like I should meet him again. He's great company, lovely guy, intelligent, romantic and a complete sweet heart. I also can't stop thinking about him and how lovely he was on our date....and also thinking occasionally about his really fit bod 😁. So a couple more dates to see what happens I think. I've just texted him.

OP posts:
Slowdecrease · 16/05/2016 15:02

Id been messaging DP for a month before our date - knew we got on great - if we had chemistry as well that would be the last piece of the puzzle... We kissed within about four minutes of meeting each other. So in our case, yes immediate.

MadeMan · 16/05/2016 17:35

"He thought she was stuck up, she thought he was moody and rude. "

A winning dynamic.

BieneBiene · 16/05/2016 18:28

No. I really didn't. I keep seeing him because in all my previous relationships I had really fancied the guys but we had fought and none of them were healthy.

It grew slowly. I fell in love with him because he intelligent, funny and is genuinely the nicest person I have ever met. I fancy the pants off him now though. He has definitely aged well!

You should definitely meet again.

willconcern · 16/05/2016 18:40

I didn't, although I knew he would be a fabulous friend as we got on so well, talking & all kinds of shared interests.

He fancied me straight away (in fact, he says he had done from when he'd first seen me several years before at an event - I didn't remember him).

But he was patient and kind and funny and we had a lot in common. I said I could only give him friendship & he accepted that.

A few days later we were at a party and I saw another woman chatting him up. My immediate reaction was "but I want him".

Haven't looked back! He is still funny, kind, patient, and best of all, mine! His personality, emotional strength and awareness make him gorgeous in my eyes.

frieda909 · 16/05/2016 18:47

I thought my now-boyfriend was quite cute when we met for out first date (online dating) but wasn't sure how much I fancied him. We had great chemistry and chatted for hours, and I knew I wanted to see him again, but I didn't get the proper full-on lusty feelings until our third date. There was a moment where he kissed me and it was like he'd just flipped a switch... I was suddenly smitten and couldn't stop thinking about dragging him home Blush

Psycobabble · 16/05/2016 18:50

Yes! We didn't meet in a romantic setting ie not a date but soon as I clapped eyes on him I thought he was lovely and then I got to know him a bit and realised he was a lovely person too

backonthebikeagain · 16/05/2016 20:45

Nope! But then I found myself really fancying how nice and normal he is. Now I really fancy him :) Give a few more dates and see how you feel.

LuluJakey1 · 16/05/2016 20:51

Yes- totally. We were introduced and just kept making eye contact and smiling at each other. Physically he is just my type - tall and well built and I just wanted to put my arms around him and have him hold me.

Even now, almost 8 years later, when he comes home at night, he gives me a hug and holds me and we have a kiss and I go weak inside.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 16/05/2016 21:00

Yep, instant attraction that nearly knocked me off my feet. Didn't even remember his name I was so blown away. But I thought about him every day till the next time I met him. Told my sister I had met the man I would marry after the first time we spoke. It was just a few sentences. So I broke up with my then boyfriend and luckily he was equally as smitten. We've just had our third baby. It's funny because I remember watching him across the bar as I stood with my ex and everyone was going wild around him due to a last minute rugby win and I saw him with our baby in his arms. I knew he both wanted kids and would have them with me. I was certain. It was a very odd experience.

RickJames · 16/05/2016 21:02

Immediately, hit me like a train but had other slow burner relationships that developed well.

GarlicBreadItsTheFuture · 16/05/2016 21:07

I fancied XH immediately and married him before I realised that wasn't enough. We were married for 10 years and have 2 DC but I look at him now and wonder what I ever saw in him.

I thought DH was lovely when I met him and got to know him as a friend - I found out he was kind, funny, smart, honest and we shared the same values. Then he kissed me and I realised I did fancy him loads (and still do) and that I had never really noticed how handsome he is. I love him to bits.

BeauGlacons · 16/05/2016 21:08

Yep, totally get what Polly just said. Relieved some others have popped up on the thread. My heart still leaps when I hear him scrunch on the drive and put his key in the lock I even live his paunch and bald patch

BeauGlacons · 16/05/2016 21:11

Love not live although I'm pleased to live with them Grin

coughingbean · 16/05/2016 21:12

Nope, we workes together and on my first day I thought he was soo rude. and unattractive Blush
We gradually became friends, it took 5 years mind you!
Now we have a 3yr old and a 2yr old, i fancy the PANTS off him and we are due to get married in 26 days!

Candlefairy101 · 16/05/2016 22:01

Strange for me, I met my husband while we were in school, I was 12 he 13. I still remember the first time I saw him and I just new on my first day of school I was going to have a life with him, wasn't sure how or when but everything around me paused and I just saw him.... I thought he was the ugliest bloke if seen Blush but we were like magnets (still are). We are now 26&27 with 3 children.

As the years have gone on, he's bulked up, grew a stubble and if we are in a bar and I see him from a distance I still get that same feeling that I'd did the first day of school. It's really strange Confused

He does my bloody head in all the time but I know that if we separated I would be pulled back to him like I always have.

n0ne · 16/05/2016 22:21

Definitely a slow burner. I didn't fancy DH at all but we got on like a house on fire instantly - it was like I'd known him forever. And as I got to know him and the love for his character/personality grew, so came the lust
Wink The great thing is, no matter what he looks like (he's put on weight over the years for eg), I know I'll always fancy him because it's his mind that's the turn-on.

If this bloke is so great, give it time.

frieda909 · 17/05/2016 00:19

To add to my previous post, though, there's definitely a difference between not being quite sure you fancy someone and knowing that you definitely don't. I've been on dates with guys who I could see were objectively good looking, but where the chemistry was so lacking that I honestly felt like my lady parts were retracting into my body at the thought of them touching me. If you feel like that, then I don't think you can force it, but if it's just a case of not quite feeling that 'spark' yet then it might be worth giving it a couple more dates.

Minime85 · 17/05/2016 06:32

Exh with for 13 yrs, no. Slow burner friends first relationship.

Minime85 · 17/05/2016 06:33

Meant to then put DP now yes, definitely. Completely different feeling and relationship. Both good relationships but at different points in my life I guess when you have different priorities

kimball · 17/05/2016 06:45

Yes, love at first sight, felt the lightening strike and all other cliches. I was only 21 at the time though and thinking back I was not emotionally mature yet. We are still together after 14 years. I still think he's gorgeous.