straw poll - are you divorced/separated from yr dcs father and are you single?

[stareatthetvscreen]

just reading the happy after divorce thread and it struck me how many people there had separated/divorced and were now in relationships.

in my circle of friends (late 40s) there are 6 of us who have split from our dcs fathers but we are all still single.in some cases for over 10 years.

are we unusual in that? be interesting to find out.

thanks.

Married at 27, one child, divorced within a year. Met ex dp at 29, split after 9 years and one child. So now single at 39 with two kids, I don't love it!

I separated from DS's Dad when I was 32 (still married as we haven't sorted it out yet ). Now 36 and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months (met on Tinder!). He's amazing and I'm really happy. Have also had a few other short relationships since DS's dad but none of them felt right.

Met exh at 18, separated 2 yrs ago at 37, so nearly 20 years it took me to realise he was an arse. Year after separation had done some casual dating and one fwb fling. Then met awesome DP who is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Been together just over a year and finally can say am happier than i have ever been.

springy do PM me ...

Split from ex 10 years ago (we just fell out of love), 2 longish term relationships since then (4 and 3 years respectively)
I could have a living partner by now but I am a bit too wary (once bitten, twice shy and all that), so having a great life, half the money than when I was married but, in general, very very happy)

I'm heading towards 50, so there's hope!

I split from DS's dad when he was 3 and I was 29. I was single until I was 36, then met DD's dad via OLD. We split up last year when she was 3 and I am happily single again. I wouldn't rule out another relationship in the future but I don't think I'll ever live with anybody again.

I am separated from DS's dad since 2013, I was divorced from DD's dad already for two and a half years when I met him. I am single and will stay single!

Age 35. Seperated from dcs dad when I was 24 and I've been single since.

I had a parade of 'uncles' and step dads when I was growing up, it was awful, my mum always put them first and Im scared I would do the same. I don't want that for my kids. I have no intentions of even looking for a relationship until my youngest is 16. Whether it's the right or wrong thing to do, I'll guess I'll never know, but it works for me. I have asd and am quite introverted anyway so I don't really feel I'm 'missing out' on anything by being single.

42; split up with my husband 3.5 years ago (I left due to E/VA), been with my boyfriend for just over a year. I was very happy on my own, but my BF just happened to come along and he's a very nice man, so we'll see how it goes. :)

47. Divorced my first husband when I was 30 (married at 22), single for four years or so when I met DH.

Married DH at 37. Now in the process of separating.

I have no intention of ever getting married again; I don't even want to live with a man again. Maybe in time I might date again.

Interestingly, my male friends are the ones who strenuously assert that I'll marry again, that I'd be lonely, need a man around etc. All of my female friends either nod enthusiastically (if single) or agree wistfully (married) that living alone would be the nicest option

I'm divorced , dated three guys in 2.5 years. All disastrous. I'm early forties, two kids and single.

I'm 48. With DH for just over 20 years. We have a nearly 16 yo son.

It's my second marriage.

TheTart, this is what I'd like to do too (wait until my youngest is almost an adult) but she is not even two yet so it's a long time.

Met H at 30
Had DS1 at 33
Married at 35
DS2 at 35
DD at 39
Split at 40 and he died

Husband changed into an EA alcoholic a couple of years ago (although looking back was never the full ticket) and had at least one affair. Kicked him out in Jan and he killed himself a week later. His affair had been with a junior at work, where we both worked in senior roles and he was asked to leave (he had clearly not been focussed on the job and he was openly drinking). I think the major reason was this as he loved the feeling he'd 'made it' and couldn't bear the 'humiliation.'

Not dated yet as have a big job and it's full on with the kids but I have a good social life as I get babysitters in. A lot of single mum mates. I keep thinking 'I'll get round to OLD' but I worry about being seen on sites (silly I know but I am very senior at work and have been humiliated enough!). I need to look into it more.

But like Tart, I hate the idea of meeting someone else and it not working out, then someone else, then someone else. It doesn't feel fair on my precious children who have been through so much shit at the hands of H. I also wouldn't know what to say to any prospective beaus; I'm single because husband topped himself? Doesn't make me feel like much of a catch! Am considering saying 'we separated and then he died.' Which is true, although it had only been a week.

Anyway, I could start a whole thread on that!

To those posting with your happy stories of happy marriage forever: the OP is clearly asking about life after separation and divorce. Lovely for you but you probably shouldn't be posting on this thread. Just sounds boasty and out of place.

the OP is clearly asking about life after separation and divorce

Oh crap. I apologise!

I read the title as a straw poll of those who post on relationships.

Reading back I can see how it was intended with an unwritten, but intended "for those of you".... who are divorced etc.

Sorry.

Must not post before second coffee.

and should probably RTFT before hitting post.

Yeah but I think you 'count' Ipost. It's your second marraige. I meant more those who are telling us how they have never separated or divorced and are happily married and have been for years .

It would be like me posting on a forum about losing a child or being a grandparent or owning a dog. Hey everyone, just to say this has never happened to me!

Split from XP 7yrs ago. Been 100% single since.

I work pt, have no regular babysitters or weekends off ever and frankly, cannot stand my body. The dc's are spirited and leave me so exhausted it's a miracle if I can remember my shopping list, certainly no brain space for another person in my life.

10 years post separation. 6 years single after separation without one date (by choice). Now a year into a cohabiting relationship (together 4 years in total after meeting through work and me deciding to agree to a date for once).

DP is wonderful. He is amazing with my DC who adore him and he pulls his weight around the house etc. No complaints. However, I can't deny that initially there was something of an 'adjustment period' where I wondered if I'd made a bad move. It was simply because I had got so used to living alone and wasn't used to having another adult in my space. That passed eventually.

All that said, I loved being single. I found the benefits of being a single mother far outweighed the negatives and should DP leave or whatever, being single again holds no fear for me.

Yeah but I think you 'count

The second coffee and RTFT rule still holds good.

I think it's a really good idea for a thread (and hope no one minds that I'm posting while no longer single).

All-too-often single people are seen as 'unhappy' or 'lonely' in our society. It's painted as a negative. And for some people it may be. But for others it's very liberating. I can't help feeling that it's just a form of societal pressure to keep women in their place in many ways (i.e. looking after a man). I don't feel it's any coincidence that in the happiness stakes married men and single women rank way above single men and married women...

For a long time most of my friends were also single mothers - and it was one of the strongest, most supportive friendship groups of my life.

Married for 15 years, 4 dc's. Split partially down to my meeting someone else (nothing happened until after split though and that had been coming for a looooong time). Been with DP for nearly 4 years now and have just had a baby together.

was married for 12 years. Separated 4 years ago and with partner for 3 years.

With husband from 16 to 34. He never really grew up and evolved into an EA alcoholic, so dilys post stuck out to me, mine has attempted suicide several times. Nearly 37 now and with someone amazing, been living together for a few months.

To those posting with your happy stories of happy marriage forever: the OP is clearly asking about life after separation and divorce

I didn't read it like that (and I am divorced once and separated at present from husband no 2). The title is asking for a straw poll, the OP focuses on whether the post-separation circumstances she and her friends are in are unusual. There is nothing really to me which suggests that married posters shouldn't reply

The thread is interesting because it disproves that posters in relationships are all separated/divorced and jaded with relationships. If people are happily married (first, second, third time), that is fine - marriage now feels like an alien concept to me, so I am happily (and thankfully) very, very, very single.

47 and divorced for 4 years, separated for 2.5 years before that.
Just got engaged to my partner of 3.5 years and about to move in together.

I my circle of friends, I only have two that have remained single after a divorce/end of long term relationship. Most are either remarried or in new committed relationships.