For those of us who aren't in the first flush of youth, what's keeping you single ?

[vienna1981]

Male, 45 years old. I ask myself this question more or less every day but no one else ever does. I guess that's a good reflection of how unimportant the question is in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, my answer, should I ever be asked, would be, 'I've just been very unlucky.' How would you answer, other than saying 'mind your own business' ?

I do believe this is a genuine post lolly. There are a lot of older people out there who have never had a serious relationship for whatever reason. Its more common than you think.

Genuine post folks. I hadn't disappeared, just taking a back seat.

Personally I can't offer much but my time and somewhere to stay and I don't understand what I'm supposed to be after that a woman should provide. Where has this attitude come from that women should be expected to provide so much in a relationship ? That isn't me talking.

Apologies for doubting you vienna

I would only consider a relationship with someone who wanted a true partnership of equals or to quote Aristotle "where the whole is greater than its parts". I have seen relationships where being together seems to make them both better/more fulfilled but sadly have not experienced it. In addition, I think you need common values and expectations.

Vienna, I think that's what most people can offer, you're not falling short in any way!

re the attitude about women providing so much - it is something I noticed too, and tbh still do even though I don't date. There is an attitude of "oh look, an intelligent capable woman with her own home who will look after me" - translation - a woman with reasonable net worth who (some think) will welcome in a man and do their laundry. Of course for most of us it's HA HA HA HA HA no.

but sadly a year on these boards has taught me that a lot of women do go for that and I'm mystified as to why. I do think at the heart of it is an idea that long term singleness must be awful. It's getting interesting though - in my late 30s, when I said my last relationship would be my last, people openly questioned me about what they thought was a terrible decision.

now, I'm sorry to say it, but women in particular are starting to realise how much fun it is as they see me bumbling around happy. And of course many are divorced and feeling much happier.

Sorry, I'm waffling. I don't where the attitude is coming from but I definitely agree it's out there. If you do decide to date, internet or otherwise, I think it's important to show that you are properly independent and not looking to be mothered.

Children and no childcare to get out and meet anyone.

Mothered is the last thing I need.

Vienna, I should probably have added "general housekeeping, life admin, keeping bills in order" etc etc.

:(

I am single because I love the freedom and spontaneity to do what I wish when I wish. I have been married and have grown-up children so have been there and done that as they say. I am highly sociable but also love to go hiking, to the theatre and cinema etc on my own - equally enjoyable but a different experience.

Totally self-sufficient me. The only other thing I'm short of is cash on account of having a job that doesn't pay all that well. Never missed a mortgage payment in sixteen years mind.

I love my own company and I treasure being able to do what I like during the time that is not taken up by work.

Took me a while for my first date (early 20s) as I had social anxiety and no money for decent clothes, glasses or haircut .

I can understand why you would want to at least try out a relationship, as otherwise there is no way to know what you like best, being with someone or being alone. And you just feel like you've missed out on an experienced.

I think it is marginally easier for women as men are traditionally the askers, so someone is more likely to ask us out eventually. As a man you are really just going to have to ask, ask and ask again.

Have you tried online dating?

To answer the op:
Lack of free time especially evenings (main one)
Enjoy the freedom and space
Do what I want when I want