For those of us who aren't in the first flush of youth, what's keeping you single ?

[vienna1981]

Male, 45 years old. I ask myself this question more or less every day but no one else ever does. I guess that's a good reflection of how unimportant the question is in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, my answer, should I ever be asked, would be, 'I've just been very unlucky.' How would you answer, other than saying 'mind your own business' ?

I could accept being single and content but right now I'm not. Maybe being in a relationship wouldn't suit me after all but I have never known any different. Perhaps I would be less bothered if my professional life was more rewarding. But that's another story.

I think that men have strange expectations in relationships. They expect the woman to contribute equally to the finances, yet don't feel that men should contribute equally to the work involved running a household.

As a working woman, I don't want to wash another set of clothes, another set of dirty dishes, etc for someone who works the same hours as I do or fewer.

And I like sex, but with so many men, it's all about them, and sex becomes boring incredibly quickly.

There does seem to be a strange generation of men in their 40s and 50s who seem to think they should get whatever they want, when they want it, whilst giving nothing. No thanks to that.

*Disclaimer - I'm not actually single, but that's been my experience.

vienna you seem very discontented which will come across to any potential dates - maybe look at your wider social life and try and improve work (if that's possible).

vienna, sorry but I also get a vibe of discontent, which is fair enough, if you're discontent you can't help that

but my concern is that you might perceive a relationship as a solution

temporary distraction from boredom, yes. Solution, not so much.

that said, I often got a vibe from those on the hunt that they were discontent, so perhaps I'm just picking up on them not enjoying being single.

I asked you on a date and you ignored me!!

I tend to attract men who want to be mothered, and I am not up for that. They seem self sufficient when we first start going out and then they get needy and clingy and whiny and I lose interest. I've spent twelve years working in childcare, that is behavior I will only accept from an actual child.

Also, I look about sixteen at the best of times, that tends to put off the more sensible men.

I'm 35, I attract commitment phobics and men who are just after sex, or men who I am just not interested or attracted to. Or they are married/in a LTR themselves, they like me a LOT for some reason.

I'm nice really. I'm often the boss in my work. I think this might be part of the problem. I think I'd actually make a good girlfriend but it never happens :( and I HATE OLD. I find it embarrassing and contrived.

CuriousOwl "I'm nice really. I'm often the boss in my work. I think this might be part of the problem."

que?

Well, aside from the fact that I will not date anyone who actually works FOR me, because I think it's a conflict of interest, I work in a rather chauvinistic field where if you are in my line of work, and you are in charge, it doesn't go down well with some of the men around. And I've been told by people in my business and in others that a lot of men have issues with women who are in positions of power.

Certainly it would seem to be the case in a couple of my past relationships where I've been with men who saw 'breaking me' as a challenge... So while I know it's not the case everywhere I think I've been unlucky because of what I do.

Curious, what a mare. People are strange, that's for sure.

Would like a relationship but don't need one. Tried OLD on and off but don't have a thick enough skin. The longer I'm single the harder I think I'll find giving up my freedom.

Whenever I have suggested a date I have been turned down.

How many times have you asked someone out?

Depending on where you're aiming and how you're meeting potential dates, you need to be prepared for a lot of knockbacks before you get a success.

Hitting on people in real life is a bit of a crap shoot because even if you know they're single, you don't know if they're looking. So if you're asking people out who you're meeting through work or whatever, you might need to ask out at least 50 people before someone says yes.

On a dating site you've got the advantage that people are on there because they want to date. It's also a fuckton less pressure to send someone a short witty message and hope for a response than it is to ask someone face to face...

Hey, you've had an offer on a date on here! Take every opportunity!

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Do you play a sport?

Crippling social anxiety (probably made worse by abusive relationships with the fathers of my DCs).

And age (50s).

The fact that I lead the life of a hermit, know hardly any men and most of them are gay.

I have met a very nice man recently but he is working (temporarily) 1,000 miles away and lives even further away than that! So I'm trying not to be unrealistic about the chances of that lasting...

This thread has reminded me of what I like about being single, compared to having been married;

Less work, as I don't have a man to 'look after'
No arguments
Make my own decisions about everything
Do what I want when I want
Don't feel 'judged' or get criticised or have to account for free time, how and when I spend money etc
Whole bed to myself, no snoring, no 'dip' in the bed, nobody waking me up when they get in or out.

Downside; no sex, can't share bills. That's basically the downside. I could even get a lodger to share bills. I could have sex outside of a relationship.

Agree with pp - the longer I'm single the more reluctant I'd be to give up the freedom

Wasted my youth and early mid life married to a lying abusive cheat. I'm clearly crap at picking men so I have no inclination to mess up what remains of my life. I have DC living with me, one with SN.

Franky I need the complication of another relationship like a hole in the head.

40s, single because I like it. Women are healthier outside of relationships. As pp have said, men seem to expect a lot without offering much in return. I'd quite like an fwb. But successful, independent, intelligent women are more often seen as a threat than a potential girlfriend. I don't feel a need to compromise to get a man and therefore I stay single.

Marriage............Great for the man.

                         Lousy  for the woman.  

Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick.

Lifestyle preference.

40s, single & childfree because I feel happier on my own than I ever did in a relationship. Freedom, independence, social life, my own space. Perfect.

I know several single people. One woman had never really dated much, doesn't feel the need. One man struggles to commit, really worries about whether he's made the right decision, to be fair he usually hasn't, goes for types rather than people. Another man doesn't date at all, would like a relationship sometimes but has a very full life and isn't shut off from the world by any means. Another mean I know didn't date at all until he met The One in his 40's, unfortunately The One in question was my indecisive, type veering friend, he's been single since. Another friend, woman divorced 20 ish years ago, she'd like companionship but presumes that isn't possible and doesn't look, very full life. I could go on, loads of people, all different reasons.

Its easy for me - Im an average-looking 30 something woman.
Everyone my age is looking for someone in their 20s, or a gorgeous supermodel like theyve seen on TV.
I only get the odd message from grandads in their 50s, and thats not what Im looking for, so thats that.

I am 35 years old, I've got a good figure and on a good day I'm average looking . I found that I was asked out a lot by men in their early twenties which started off flattering and then got me down a bit, or by men in their forties which I dismissed because I didn't see myself as being of an age to date men in that decade. As it is I'm now seeing someone in his 40s who is very youthful-looking and probably the most attractive man I've ever dated (according to my mum anyway).

Ive been single years done online dating on/off for a few years but I find men in my age group late 30s either want a young hot supermodel type or they are quite frankly not worth dating. im so glad I found this thread as I was beginning to think its just me but its true men seem to offer so little these days yet expect a woman to have it all.
It doesnt help being a single parent with little free time and I do get the social pressure the op feels as I get it to especially as im the only single one out of my friends.
On another note when doing online dating I was shocked by the amount of 50 year olds that contacted me despite me stating a 33-42 age group!!!
If thats the best I can get id rather stay single!!.

The OP has disappeared - I am waiting for an article to appear in the DM on older women and dating.