Drinks with another woman - would this bother you?

[Dollypoppy]

Been with a man since Feb, met on OLD. All going very well, holiday booked for summer and no issues at all.

He works away from home every other week. Has mentioned a colleague several times, and they meet for meals/drinks in the evening as they are in the same hotel.

I do trust him, but the two glasses photo on Facebook tonight and the obvious in jokes are bothering me. It's not something I would do.

I don't want him to be alone every night, but the coupley-ness of the photo and comments upset me. I feel all anxious and tight inside - last 'D'P had several inappropriate friendships and I know this might be colouring my view.

He has said his ex wouldn't have understood and would have been jealous so I don't want to overreact but it does upset me.

So do I say anything or not? And if so, what?

I'd really appreciate some perspective on this, thank you.

[MistressDeeCee]

He's tagged her in about six stupid memes this evening. How is that appropriate? It's got nothing to do with trust, it's about respect.

^^ This

Its so dumb that the default position is always "you're jealous and over-reacting!" Never about the man being insensitive, though. I have a couple of male friends I don't put up pics of drinks I have with them and then start sharing memes and in-jokes for all to see on FB, however. Why make a show of it? I respect myself, my relationship (happy to put up pics on occasion of me and OH having a good night out) and their partners. If OH did that Id be having strong words with him, because I wouldn't like it one bit and wouldn't give a flying fuck if he, or anyone else, thought that made me jealous. Its disrespectful. I don't care if OH has female friends, I mostly like them, but a couple of times over the years there've been female friends I don't like, and my intuition was right. Troublemakers. They had to go.

Just 3 months in, cosying up with female colleague and dropping in comments about his ex-wife would have been jealous. He doesn't sound great, keep an eye out but hopefully he is sensible enough, and committed to developing a relationship with you

FWIW women who stridently proclaim their right to male friends and infer that should their DH not be keen on a certain male friend they'd argue the toss and prefer to leave their DH rather than just tone it down a bit with said male friend are 10 a penny online. But ask yourself, how many times have you known this to truly happen in real life? The real world and online world don't always overlap, they'll encourage you to leave or argue with your man over certain things when they'd never do that in your shoes

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

PanGalatic - are you me? Had precisely same experience. And, as a result, if anyone comes into my life, they have to accept I'm a man that has several close female friends (most of them married) and my best friend is female. All were around long before any partner and I would not cut them adrift because of someone else's insecurity issues.

[MistressDeeCee]

If as a man your best friend is female AND you have several close female friends then, you are defining yourself by this, which is in itself a form of insecurity. Its perfectly normal to make both same sex and opposite sex friends as we grow through life, if you only have opposite sex friends then you've orchestrated that. Its not hard to do - but most people wouldn't bother.

I've never yet met 1 man with a load of female friends who isn't lets say very fond of himself. Also has hero syndrome and loves being privy to female conversations especially relationship problems... where he can really come into his own, looking like "Mr Nice" in comparison to their partners. Never as well thought of as he glowingly thinks he is, either

[Daenerys2]

I think he's probably doing it to make you jealous? Don't write him off just yet. For what it's worth, I think the green-eyed monster would have got the better of me and I would be telling him I wasn't happy with it.

[TheNaze73]

Sorry but, I see nothing wrong with this at all. I don't think he should be trying to impress you after 3 months & he should be being himself. If it's not for you, end it

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Mistress Where did I say I ONLY had close female friends? I didn't, and I am certainly not "fond of myself". It dates back to infants and primary school. In the small town where I grew up there were 21 children in my class and only 5 of us were boys and 3 of them actually lived in a village a few miles away. Inevitably, then, the majority of my friends were girls from the age of 4.

I have noticed that it is much more common now for people to have close opposite sex friends than it once was and that older generations have a problem with it whereas most people under 30 regard it as totally normal.

[PrincessBooBoo]

Hi Dolly Yep I agree with you. You shouldn't have to see that stuff on FB, but its there, so you are going to look! And yes it is disrespectful to put stuff up like that but people like to brag and say ''look at me'' ''look how funny/fab/attractive I am. I am so happy that I have a date with someone who is not on FB. I cant look at his previous life, I cant study his photos, I cant see his friends. How great is that, and very liberating. I may come off FB myself!
Love PB

[LellyMcKelly]

He's not posting the pics, but she is and he's commenting on them, so it's showing up on your timeline as you're FB friends with him. Have I got that right? Perhaps she is posting pics like this to make one of her Facebook 'friends' jealous. That's the most likely explanation. If he was playing away there's no way he'd be posting pics like that, not if he wanted to keep it quiet anyway.