Please help, i feel totally crushed. I have a 12 week old baby I'm a FTM and have no family here. My DM is dead and so have limited support. The baby is generally not much trouble but giving background. My DH is amazing with him and they are have a great bond. We have argued in the past and went to counselling for a few sessions with relate whilst pregnant as we had a big row while Pg but things have been good and we are generally very happy and in love since DS came along. Fast forward to Sunday night, i had my first night out and first proper time apart from DS who is EBF. DH came to pub with me and i did a feed at 8 and he left and i was home by 11 so not very long. I text DH a few times asking for an update and when he replied eventually he said baby wouldnt settle, only took 2 oz of ebm and was screaming. I immediately replied I'm leaving now and got up to go, tbh we were all done by then so went to get cab, nightmare as BH, got one but was hyper with worry. He called and said its fine now and i asked about food he said ill tell you when you get home. Got home ran upstairs DS sound asleep, then looked of DH he came out of the loo said everything was fine. I admit i over reacted, it was my first time away from my son since he was born and i was so worried. I had a bit of a go about the lack of text messages and i was told off for sending "short" messages, he said you don't trust me with the baby. I said i did, which i fully do but felt i was having a normal maternal response. Anyways we argued and it go out of hand with my husband really loosing it, he called me a fucking bitch and said he regrets ever marrying me. I was so hurt i took to the bedroom and he went to the bathroom crying. He was clearly really upset and he apologised profusely and said he didn't mean it but i was really hurt and said well it had to come from somewhere. He locked himself in the bathroom and i could hear him crying so i went down and made him sweet tea and gave it to him, he threw it away. and we bickered again. went to bed, we slept apart for the first time ever. I know i shouted and thats his absolute red flag, i need to try harder not to but it was a mess. in the morning i brought him a cuppa and the baby for a cuddle and he said he felt awful very ashamed etc we did hug but things were cool and at 4pm he went off to work away, he's back tonight at 8 and we have argued on the phone and by text. i feel totally alone and hurt and he's cold with me. I said i love you and he said my comments were glib and he didn't feel like communicating with me. He said he's dreading coming home and is only doing so out of responsibility for our son. I said i had looked at flights to my home country and he rang and accused me of kidnapping the child and that if i took him out the country without his permission there would be consequences. i can't believe he thinks so little of me. I meant to go home for a few days to clear the air, and frankly i couldnt face travelling even if i wanted to go but the thought that he would think this of me. i said i felt he might leave me and he rationalised that he wouldnt because he wouldn't see his son. Nothing about me, love our relationship etc. I feel despondent and he has made an appointment for tomorrow for the relate councillor again, i think he won't talk to me until we are with her and i feel he's using her as a referee.
Obviously he has his own version of events but i feel really worried for the future of our marriage and feel totally heartbroken. Thanks if you've read this far.