DP resentful doing everything while I have morning sickness

[Imaginosity]

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have been sick all the way from 6 weeks. I have anaemia and feel breathless and faint after light physical work like getting the DCs ready in the morning. I'm on iron so I'm hoping it won't last too much longer. I've spent a lot of time in bed lately.

DP is doing all the housework and a lot of minding the DCs - I've put all my energy into going to work every day. I can understand why he might be fed up - but I'm fed up too being sick all the time.

He keeps making angry comments about him having to do everything. I say I'm contributing too by being sick to have this baby that we both want.

He's always been very obsessive about having the place pristine - I would be much more comfortable in a clean house where we tolerated a bit of clutter. We have different standards when it comes to housework.

Earlier, accidentally I drained the battery in my car by leaving the light on all night. His reaction was to stomp off and throw his eyes up to heaven. He knows how to jump start the car and I don't - but he looked annoyed - like 'now you have me doing this'.

I just see my friends' DP's and they seem to act like they love each other and want to help each other. I feel we used to be like that too before we had DCs but now we just argue and seem stressed all the time. I don't think we can ever go back to the way it was.

If my children have completely detached from me because I've been sick for a few weeks that wouldn't say much would it. They spent a lot of time sitting up with me in bed chatting. They are as attached to me and their dad just as much as they were before I was sick.

OP, ignore the idiots who are blaming you for your OHs shitty behaviour - you sound pretty amazing to me btw, coping with all that plus a man who acts like a child and tries to put you down for being pregnant - and sick!

Beyond belief really. I think the suggestion above about the GP is a good idea.

I don't actually feel like I'm being abused like someone who's being physically abused and most of the one we get on ok. I just feel angry because I'm not actually lazy - I just can't work to the same level when I'm ill.

I think people who are feeling well, like DH, can't imagine how much it grinds you down to be sick and weak day after day, week after week. I've tried to explain it but it's like it's gone on so long he's not longer tolerant.

I know this won't last forever and even today I'm feeling a tiny bit better. I almost feel now like I can't happily slip back in to family life and the work I did before because DP had been so angry and made such an issue about it. I feel like if I tried to go down now to make an attempt to clean the kitchen he'd be thinking i somehow agree with him and am trying to make up for my poor behaviour - I don't know if that makes sense? I almost feel like ignoring all the work while he's so angry - although that's hardly likely to bring things back to normal - and might prove his point, in his eyes, about me not pulling my weight.

He's not talking to me. He's downstairs with the DCs and I'm in bed - mainly in order to stay away from him.

I feel so sorry for you.
When you feel so sick and ill it is just not possible to tolerate being downstairs watching films etc.
I knew that if I didn't go to bed and get to sleep by 7pm I would be vomiting all night long. DH had to come home and just deal with it. Once the DC were in bed he would go back out and do the shopping at the 24 hour supermarket.
I have had major surgery, 3 normal deliveries and a late miscarriage. The pregnancy sickness was far and away the worst thing I have ever experienced.

I think you have fallen into the trap of thinking the only form of abuse is physical, and that abuse survivors are all battered and bruised. That is absolutely not the case. There are many forms of abuse and control. Emotional abuse is much more subtle. If you read the links I shared you might understand. I don't want to make you feel like a victim, because you don't have to see yourself in that way if you don't want to. But I do want you to see him for what he is: abusive.

I can see he has lots of emotionally abusive traits and quite frankly he just doesn't sound very nice. However I do wonder if because you've still being going to work and working full time if he realises you're as ill as you are. If I were you I'd get signed off sick - you sound like you need it anyway.

It looks remarkably like he believes in 'traditional' roles for men and women in a relationship: he goes out to work and earns the bacon/decorates the house/puts out the bins; you do all the housework and child duties.

I can't honestly see what you've done wrong, other than not be a dutiful, traditional wife.

Perhaps you could over-egg your symptoms? You may be a stalwart who doesn't make a fuss, maybe you need to make a fuss, moan and faint a bit.

But that won't solve his 'traditional' view.

BTW I'm not at all surprised you're burnt out. You may be young, or whatever, but no bod can sustain the level of work you've been putting in for a long time. Added to that miscarriages (so sorry ) and a serious illness and painful treatment. I imagine your body is packing up. You need a REST.

Can you afford a cleaner/help?

BTW how do things stand financially between you?

re house - owned/rented? In whose name? Who contributes the most financially?
Does he earn more than you?

This sounds like classic HG. It is not always just vomiting, but also horrific unrelenting nausea, fatigue and on the brink of sickness all the time. I have HG and resting is crucial.

You need proper medical assistance to get through this and continue through the pregnancy. Look up pregnancy sickness support for advice and contact them.

Your husband is abusive. He is behaving as if you have a choice and are just lazy, whilst you are battling to barely get through the days and cannot function with sickness, tiredness and weakness.

Personally I think you (and he) don't realise how seriously unwell you really are. HG can become very dangerous as pregnancy progresses and left untreated has potentially extremely serious consequences.

I think you need to stop struggling to this degree and go to hospital and be seen as a matter of urgency. This needs proper investigation and treatment.

FFS.

OP you are being abused and controlled.

If you close the curtains a bit carelessly he'll ask you to fix them??? Does his penis get in the way of walking over and doubt it himself?

How many years do you think you can live like this? And what kind of 'normal relationship' are your children going to model when they are older.

Tell him to cut the crap or leave.

It's hard, it's very hard, but it's a better option than this crap.

OP ive nothing to add to the relationship aspect as you are getting plenty of advice. But i too had awful morning sickness and reflexology stopped it all. Also i know what its like to have a child with asd. I can imagine your tiredness is your body's way of looking after yourself.

wizzywig I know you mean well, but that reflexology suggestion is going to make the HG sufferers on here so they're going to lose their eyebrows. Glad it worked for you though.