Am I wrong in how I feel about DP's reaction to teen/child porn conversation?

[Followyourart]

Was watching 24 hours in police custody last night, story about a paedophile that had been "set up" by a group of "paedophile hunters". I didn't want to watch it as it made me feel ill but DP wanted to see how it panned out, I suggested that it is the prevelence of "teen" porn that leads people to become paedophiles (not in all cases obviously) but I personally think it is a "progression" for some people. I also feel sickened that the "teen " category is so popular, and that this is simply accepted in society.
I might have raised my voice slightly only because I felt strongly about the subject - DP says "but they are children, not teens" I say, "yes but a teen is a child"
He then declares he's "going to bed" appears really angry, and doesn't speak to me when I get to bed / turns away from me.
Am I right to feel unnerved here? We've been together 3 years. The only thing I can think of is that he had a relationship with an 18 year old when he was 30... This didn't enter my head at the time.. Although that also, rightly or wrongly, unnerves me also sometimes.
Am I being weird about how he reacted? Was I expecting too much if him to agree with me about the teen porn thing? (He's 41 by the way, not 21.....)

Talk away if it helps

Anyone that honestly can't see a difference between "teen porn" and child abuse images is monumentally stupid.

I'm not stupid what todo, far from it actually. I admit I don't fully understand the concept of teen porn though, a lot of people seem think it involves women in their twenties, if this is the case why call it "teen" if you can't see that a teen is anything from a 13 year old to 19 year old and this is what it implies you are the monumentally stupid one

Followyourart

I haven't watched a lot of "teen porn" but I don't think I have ever seen anything that implies that the actress is anywhere close to 13 years old. The main implication in this stuff seems to be based around school girls that are over the age of consent. Not my bag, but a long way from portraying sexually active 13/14/15 year olds, which would be illegal, amongst all the other horrors associated with that.

The notion that the mainstream porn studios are filming girls under the age of consent is just nonsense. The industry in the US and UK is heavily regulated, and the studios wouldn't want to be anywhere near that kind of trouble.

Does this mean that it doesn't happen in less reputable places? Of course not, but in the mainstream porn industry that just doesn't happen.

As for the idea that liking teen porn is some kind of gateway towards becoming a child abuser, there seem to be a lot of people stating that quite confidently on this thread. Would love to see some of the studies that belief is based on.....

You are talking about "teen porn" on mainstream porn sites which is legal so the actors are atleast 18.
The fact you are contemplating leaving your DH over something you are clearly ignorant about is shocking.
Do him a favour and leave him, maybe he can find someone who doesn't think he is a terrible person for not agreeing with them.

I don't think OP was implying that the girls are illegal. I think what she is trying to say is (forgive me if I have got the wrong end of the stick OP) why do some men like the idea of a woman pretending to be a child? How is that sexy? There was a thread on here not so long ago about a woman that was popular on one of the porn sites because she looked so young and was surrounded by teddy bears and childlike toys. I would be extremely disturbed by a man that found that a turn on.

I don't believe, for one minute that this makes men into paedophiles, that IME is a completely different thing, but I can see how the OP makes the connection.

I think that your partner's past is bothering you more than you think and I believe that you struggle with it because of life experience.

I also believe he might watch teen porn (makes me shudder just to type that).

I would find a man who used teen porn to get his rocks off a major no-no

Are people trying to say op is wrong to be questioning her relationship with a bloke who does this ?

She can fuck him off for anything she likes actually, and being a consumer of porn, teen or otherwise, is as good a reason as any

I expect that some dickheads would say she was trying to deny him his human rights to rub one off to "barely legal ass fucks" and the like

Missing the point here, but I'm surprised at everyone's horror over one adult dating another at 30 and 18. I knew quite a few people who did this and most of them went on to be happily married.

My Dh is 15 years older than me and I think he would be upset if he thought someone was calling him a paedophile.

Sounds to me like you were maybe worrying that a teen category on porn could be 13-19 where he knows that on legal sites they will be a minimum of 18yo and more likely older.

There are IMO two separate issues here. The first is the op's assertion that watching teen porn is what leads to men becoming paedophiles. This is absolutely not true and tbh my opinions on teen porn aside (I'll come to those in a minute,) He had every right to feel offended that the suggestion was that because he has had a relationship with an eighteen year old in the past this somehow translates to his future as a paedophile. It's incredibly ignorant and offensive to even think it. And while having relationships with eighteen year olds in your 30's is questionable, it's not illegal, and not anywhere near as abhorrent as being attracted to under 12s.

For people criticising the analogy with watching a murder mystery, let's look at a different one then. It's a bit like saying that wearing a dress turns a boy gay...

For me teen porn would be a deal-breaker. Actually, any porn would be a deal-breaker, as would having a relationship with an eighteen year old in your 30s. But it would be a deal-breaker from the very beginning and the relationship would never have occurred in the first place .

OP is absolutely not wrong for wanting to end her relationship if she thinks that her partner is using teen porn. And tbh I don't care if it's legal, there is still a moral line, especially as he is now of an age to have daughters the same age as the girls depicted in those films. But she is wrong to suggest that watching teen porn is what makes men paedophiles.

As part of advanced safeguarding course we had a lecture from a probation officer about the profile of sex offenders. I have no research to back up what he said but in his professional experience some offenders start with regular porn but after a while it becomes boring so they look for different or more extreme material and in that quest they stumble across images of children and it can be a slippery slope. I would emphasis "can" as in it is isn't a definite progression but is possible.
I would also like to agree that liking teen girls, although inappropriate, is not the same as liking pre pubescent children. Neither is okay but they are different.

How do you "stumble upon" images of children? .

I think that it's fair to say that the kind of men who "stumble upon" images of children in their quest for more extreme porn are looking on the dodgy side of legal in the first place.

Don't get me wrong I think that all porn is questionable. But the reality is that some of it is legal, even the teen stuff. And if you stay on that side of the divide you're not going to happen upon images of children to be turned on by are you?

Absolutely agree with you. I meant in they move away from mainstream legal stuff looking for bigger thrills and find all sorts, particularly if they come in contact with others who share images. This is ofcourse completely different to mainstream legal stuff. Similar to drink and drugs, the potential is there to start perfectly fine and to end up in a terrible mess. Most people will not have a problem but it is possible.

they stumble across images of children and it can be a slippery slope
No-one stumbles across images of children. You have to actively go searching for it. Paedophiles may well start by watching 'regular' porn before searching for more extreme images or images of children, but I don't believe that watching teen porn would encourage someone into becoming a paedophile when they didn't already have that interest.

I have no experience of searching for different types of porn so can only go by what this probation guy explained to us. Agree there would be some underlying desire in the first place even if subconscious.

I expect that some dickheads would say she was trying to deny him his human rights to rub one off to "barely legal ass fucks" and the like

or some dickheads would presume this man is watching teen porn (OP NEVER said he was) just because he made the perfectly reasonable statement that people who watch child abuse and are turned on by it don't get there by watching 18 year olds having sex. Paedophilia is an entirely different thing to be attracted to younger women or men - it is a perversion. It might be sleazy to many to be attracted to an 18 year old when you are 31 but there is nothing wrong with it legally or sexually - the 18 year old is a mature adult who could get married legally.

OP, I think you have some issues in your relationship that this conversation raised for you. You don't sound certain about him as a person or a partner. Maybe time to think about the whole relationship.

Canyouforgiveher
Thank you for your sensible eloquent responses and logical thoughts.

Actually 18 is a young adult. As in someone who has just become an adult.

I agree the OP needs to consider her relationship because she is clearly uncomfortable with her husband's previous relationship - and many women might be.

But that has nothing to do with whether an 18 year old is a child or not. 18 year olds are physically mature adults (mental maturity is different - I know 30 year olds I would consider immature but I wouldn't deny them a sexual relationship). Being attracted to an 18 year old is no indication of paedophilia or a propensity to abuse children. Every time there is a thread on here about young mothers there are plenty of MNers who come on saying they had their first child at 18 or were married at 18 and pregnant at 20 etc. And no one accused their husbands of being dodgy

From my understanding of it, 'Teen porn' is just a generic (probably made up in America) category for the porn models that are aged 18 years and older at the lower age group; the mature/'milf' porn category then starts at about model age 30+.

No. It's a "category" in which (hopefully) over 18 girls get their asses ripped open for the (hopefully not) first time. Although I guess there does have to be a first time for inadequate men to want over the prospect of such fun timez.

*wank

My autocorrect doesn't like wanking.