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Original poster

Desperately want a child with new partner

76 replies

NAR4 · 28/04/2016 14:04

Quick background; I have 5 children with my ex and my partner has 2 children with his ex. My youngest 3 still live at home and exs children stay 2days and nights each wk, occasionally more.

I would dearly love just 1 child with my ex. He is such a fabulous caring dad and I really feel it will complete us as a family. He thinks the idea is barking mad and we have plenty of children already. Has anyone else been in this situation and managed to persuade the other half. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel so terribly sad that we will never share the joy of pregnancy and baby/toddler times, together.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/04/2016 15:34

'If I was minted (as in very secure for the rest of my life minted), I would do it.'

The partner doesn't want another child, though.

123MothergotafleA · 28/04/2016 15:41

Yes, if money is no object, go for it, otherwise get married, get a pet, and look after your children without the stress of a newborn.

anyoldname76 · 28/04/2016 15:44

just enjoy being a family with the kids you've already got

Xmasbaby11 · 28/04/2016 15:45

I'm struggling to understand to be honest. No, don't have more children. You surely can't feel you have enough time, energy and money for it?

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 28/04/2016 15:48

123 and Kidnapped Money has nothing to do with it. HE has already says the idea is barking and wants nothing to do with the crazy idea (which it is).

OP You are not looking to buy a new car of which you like one model and your partner likes another and you want to "persuade" him to go with your preference. Or, in other words, give in to you. This is a baby, flesh and blood living thing. You do not EVER try to persuade someone, of either sex, that they are wrong not to want a child. If you don't like decision, you either put up and shut up or leave.

EatinAintCheatin · 28/04/2016 16:01

you know OP I totally get this urge to have a baby with your new partner

having a baby together is such a special, unique bond - going through pregnancy and birth and seeing them grow up, bringing them up together, seeing their little faces and mannerisms that are a perfect blend of the 2 of you. and tbh it would bother me if the love of my life had had that with someone else but not me....I am aware that sounds crazy to many Blush

I was a single mum to just one DC when I met my now DH, he had one DC with his ex as well. and tbh I couldn't wait for us to ttc and have a baby together and neither could he. it seemed natural and right. and just part of how much we were in love (again I am aware that may sound mad) ...our first together was born less than 18 months after we first got together. we have 2 together now plus my eldest (and are done now lol). I do totally get what you mean about completing you as a family - and if I am honest, it definitely did with dh and I

the thing is though in your case, you have 7 between you ...and he isn't keen and this is where you have a problem. but then like you say you only have your youngest ones at home and his just "part time" (for want of a better word)....all I can suggest is (if you haven't already) spell it out to him exactly how much you want this.

hugs to you Flowers

EatinAintCheatin · 28/04/2016 16:03

sorry! end of second paragraph should read I am aware that WOULD sound crazy to many*

Blush
GraysAnalogy · 28/04/2016 16:06

It's actually sad that your other children aren't enough to make you feel complete.

AutumnRose1988 · 28/04/2016 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2016 18:31

Because the other partner doesn't want to, Autumn.

MyFirstMyLastMyEverythingBagel · 28/04/2016 18:34

NAR4 I think people have been a little harsh with their comments. I know the feeling - I have 3 and my partner has 1. He doesn't want anymore and not do I really but I still feel a pang of oh it would be nice to have one together - just for the whole experience of going through it together. I think it's a normal reaction to want to have children with the person you love. However, sometimes it's just not feasible and you need to find your peace with it 💐

Makesomethingupyouprick · 28/04/2016 18:42

Having 5 children with your ex didn't 'complete your family' though did it?. Something happened and you split up. Why would you think bringing an 8th child into your relationship would 'complete' your family?.

Do you think it would give you additional security in your relationship?. I'm with your partner on this one, even if you are one of the rare families who could have 8 children without any financial assistance from the state.

IrishDad79 · 29/04/2016 03:16

AutumnRose1988
"Obviously DP's opinion is a huge factor also"

Aw, jeez, that's generous of you. I'm sure he'd be glad to know that his opinion on whether he wants to spend the next twenty years of his life raising yet another child is a "huge factor".

If one partner vehemently doesn't want another child, that should be it, argument over. Besides, why would anyone want to have a baby with a partner who wasn't fully on board with the idea, just to satisfy some irrational, hormonal urge?

IrishDad79 · 29/04/2016 03:17

AutumnRose1988
"Obviously DP's opinion is a huge factor also"

Aw, jeez, that's generous of you. I'm sure he'd be glad to know that his opinion on whether he wants to spend the next twenty years of his life raising yet another child is a "huge factor".

If one partner vehemently doesn't want another child, that should be it, argument over. Besides, why would anyone want to have a baby with a partner who wasn't fully on board with the idea, just to satisfy some irrational, hormonal urge?

WombOfOnesOwn · 29/04/2016 03:42

My mother was from a family like this. Her older siblings were very jealous of how loved she was, and that she was the only one who wasn't from a "broken home."

AyeAmarok · 29/04/2016 03:44

...our first together was born less than 18 months after we first got together. we have 2 together now plus my eldest (and are done now lol).

Interesting how you have completely left out your DP's child from his relationship before you here.

Or does his first child not count? It's your DC, your shared DC, and his previous DC can just do one?

Nice.

AutumnRose1988 · 29/04/2016 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha · 29/04/2016 07:50

Oh come on, don't be all coy about new relationships, only meaning the partner after your ex. You've been with him for maybe 15 months, max, based on your other posts.

A couple of days ago you were posting about not having your consent order sorted yet so you can't have anyone move in.

My advice: how about you forget another baby at least until you and the father can live together? Hmm

This is far too soon.

Your NEW boyfriend is right - you're barking!

AriaTloak · 29/04/2016 09:07

I agree with the majority. You're barking mad!

I only say this because I have 1 DC, (first and last) and I hated pregnancy & baby stage. It was awful, stressful, full of sleepless nights and worrying.

You have 7 kids, that's an ideal situation to be with you have a large, complete family. You don't need another baby to do that and if you do, there's a problem somewhere.

I just can't wrap my head around people not wanting their own time?! You have a 3 yr old and you're pining for another baby?

The madness has to stop.

MLGs · 29/04/2016 09:31

I think you have enough children, sorry.

I do sympathise. I am getting divorced and feel sad that i will never have happy supportive new family experience in my life. Stbxh was a non throughout.

I have two children. I can't afford university fees and a decent start in life for more than two. So if I meet a new partner I definitely won't be having any more regardless of how much I may love him.

My dread is that stbxh will decide to have more children at some point and compromise the futures of our two.

IrianofWay · 29/04/2016 11:43

I have to be honest - H and I had the pretty good relationship until our third child was born. It was a step too far and much loved as he is, it changed our relationship 100%. We are slowly turning it around and things are OK but the last thing I'd want to do after starting a shiny new relationship is have another child. Yes, you can bond over a cute little newborn and coo over his/her tiny toes but you also get the sleeplessness, the lack of privacy, the reduced sex life and the added stress of SEVEN other children to care for and worry about.

CoolforKittyCats · 29/04/2016 11:47

Obviously DP's opinion is a huge factor also

No it isn't a 'huge factor' it is as important as the OP.

He has said no!

IamlovedbyG · 29/04/2016 11:49

This reply has been deleted

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StillDrSethHazlittMD · 29/04/2016 11:53

Iamloved well it isn't! We're buggering our planet that we all want to leave for our kids and grandkids with greenhouse gases, pollution, deforestation, overfishing, wiping out bees etc etc etc. Population has grown from 1 billion in 1800 to 7 billion in 2012 and is expected to be 10 billion by 2083. It is simply not sustainable and it's not like humans, as a species are dying out. We should be encouraging people to have fewer children. No one NEEDS to have more than 2 and it's selfish to pretend otherwise.

VocationalGoat · 29/04/2016 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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