Desperately want a child with new partner

[NAR4]

Quick background; I have 5 children with my ex and my partner has 2 children with his ex. My youngest 3 still live at home and exs children stay 2days and nights each wk, occasionally more.

I would dearly love just 1 child with my ex. He is such a fabulous caring dad and I really feel it will complete us as a family. He thinks the idea is barking mad and we have plenty of children already. Has anyone else been in this situation and managed to persuade the other half. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel so terribly sad that we will never share the joy of pregnancy and baby/toddler times, together.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

I understand how you feel OP. I have 3 DCs and my DP of 4 years has two of his own. I have always thought how lovely it would be to have one together, but actually we already have something which is a perfect blend of him and me - our relationship.

We don't need another human to cement that and actually as it stands, we get a night each week when all kids are with their other parents and we can have a night out. We are going away for a week while the DCs stay with our exes (couldn't do that with a baby between us!)

DP already feels torn, spending half his time with me and half with his DCs. He would definitely want to live here full time if there was a child of his living here, but then he would feel guilty for his other DCs that they don't get to be with him full time and I know the pain of that would cause massive repercussions - the Disney parenting of non-resident children, different styles of parenting between the 3 distinct groups of DCs (his, mine, ours) and not to mention what would happen if we split up (not being negative, just realistic; we already know this can happen!) Trying to work out how to sort access to fit in with all the other DCs would be a nightmare!

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

It really is like one of those classic AIBU questions isn't it:

OP: Am I being unreasonable?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I'm not, I'm not being unreasonable, you're all wrong.

[Cabrinha]

And what Trills said.
I always give an to the "complete us as a family" shite.
Frankly, how about you concentrate on building a proper relationship with this guy that is complete it itself?
Sounds to me like you identify as "mother" and you've lost a wider identity along the way.
Hence having two sets of children quite a gap apart.
Maybe you're not ready to stop being a mother yet, maybe you think getting pregnant will create a security with this man? Who knows?

[OTheHugeManatee]

Get a dog or get married or something. And listen to what your partner says. His view is every bit as important as yours and if he says no it means no.

[KERALA1]

Agree with Seth. Anyone with more than 2 is selfish no matter how you may dress it up

[Trills]

Your partner does not want another child.

That is the only thing that really matters.

You currently having 7 children just adds to our belief that he will not change his mind.

You saying the words it will complete us as a family adds to our belief that you are not a very sensible person.

[Only1scoop]

Your partner doesn't want an 8th DC in the equation.

Infact He thinks it's 'barking mad'

I'm inclined to agree

[CoolforKittyCats]

I wonder how different the answers would be if I had said we had one child each.

No different. Your partner doesn't want anymore.

No one is missing the point. Your partner has said no.

[AppleSetsSail]

Eatinantcheatin Thankyou for your honest answer. It's unfortunate most relpies on here missed the point and focused on how many children I have rather than what I asked. I wonder how different the answers would be if I had said we had one child each.

Surely that's the point?

You don't need a new baby with each new partner. Consider poor Mother Earth, ,will you?

[Cabrinha]

Don't be so stupid, nobody missed the bloody point!

Your situation is that you already have lots of children - you can't just ignore that. And you said in your OP that your boyfriend's objection including him saying there were enough kids already.

So how is it missing the point?

And if you didn't have lots of kids between you already, I'd have asked the same question - how long have you been with him?

A question you ignored because you know you're rushing things.

Wait until you've actually sorted out everything from your divorce, and actually know this man, yeah?

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

OP, what point did we miss? Your actual question was: "Has anyone else been in this situation and managed to persuade the other half?"

There were very few who could answer the first part of your question because blended families or otherwise, there aren't a great number of families these days with so many children.

Which leaves the second part of the question, has anyone managed to persuade the other half? I think most people made the point that he has said no. That is his decision. It is not for you to persuade someone to do something they don't want.

Would the answers be different if you had one child each? Yes, in the sense most of us wouldn't have said "you have more than enough children" but the fact would still remain most of us would still have said "He has said no". He actually doesn't even need to have a reason.

All your additional information just made it easier to say that he has a reason and it is a very sensible one.

[NAR4]

Eatinantcheatin Thankyou for your honest answer. It's unfortunate most relpies on here missed the point and focused on how many children I have rather than what I asked. I wonder how different the answers would be if I had said we had one child each.

[Cabrinha]

Not only does he not want one, but he's with the majority of the thread - thinks the idea is barking!

[iminshock]

what Irishdad said
The boyfriend doesn't want another kid. End of story

[LitteRedSparkle]

i've posted on the OPs other thread, in larger families, but hey what the heck

You have 7 children between you - why do you feel the need for more?

Are you able to pay for them without benefits (i mean apart from child benefit) - You DH left you in August 2014(?) based on your previous posts, stating you dont have enough to live on as you only work 9hrs a week, so how will you provide for child number 8?

Secondly - how long have you been with 'new partner'? doesnt look like long enough to decide to have a child - remind yourself of the sleepless nights and remember how much fun they were before deciding to bring yet another life in to the world

thirdly - i dont think its a baby with (new) partner you want, you want a baby (again looking at your older posts)

[DownstairsMixUp]

I'm betting they've been together less than a year, hence the not wanting to say.

[TheNaze73]

I think it's a ridiculous idea.

[springydaffs]

You're not answering how long you've been together op. It IS a factor.

I completely understand you wanting more kids. I'd have had loads if things had gone that way. planet shmanet

[Cabrinha]

Even if the planet were underpopulated, and the OP's boyfriend was as barking as she is, I still think it's a no until:

• you've sorted out the finances of your divorce
  
• you can actually live in your house with the hypothetical child's father
  
• you've been with him for longer than 5 minutes

[CheersMedea]

No one needs that many children. Nor does the earth.

^ Agree with this post above.

It's socially irresponsible to have more children. It's socially irresponsible to have 5 IMO. But anyway - your partner's view should be the end of it.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Iamloved Unfortunately I can't afford an electric car or a hybrid, but I do drive a car whose emissions are low enough that I don't pay any road tax and which does 60 miles to the gallon, so when I do have to drive, I am minimising the impact as far as I could possibly allow. I have only flown in a plane six times (ie, three return journeys) in my 42 years and all under 2 hours flying time. I live 6 miles from where I work and use public transport every day as despite being in a rural area I am on a main road. I recycle as far as possible and I never have any food waste. I live in a one bed flat that is as energy efficient as I can afford but sadly I cannot afford solar panels. Oh, and I have also not reproduced. Want more? I could go on. Some of us do actually practice what we preach you know.

[Lottapianos]

Well said StillDrSeth. Everyone has a responsibility to think beyond 'I want I want I want'. Obviously we do need some people to carry on having children - I would like there to be a society in future!

Its a mad plan OP, but broodiness is a kind of madness. Lots of us have been there and you're not entirely rational when you're in its grip. That said, it would be extremely unfair on the children you do have to bring a newborn into their lives, when there are so many people in your blended family already. And your partner has made it clear he's not on board, which is a totally rational decision. I agree with others - focus on the children you already do have, easier said than done I know

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

By having even just 1 child we are massively contributing to the destruction of our planet

Complete nonsense.

Nobody needs more than 2, nobody even needs children we just have them because for centuries it's been drummed into our head that you aren't a 'family' and your life isn't 'complete' until you have children

Thats quite insulting to those of us who have more than 2, indeed its insulting to all parents everywhere. I can assure you I didn't have children for such an asinine reason as you suggest. Speak for yourself, if thats why you had yours!

[AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou]

It doesn't matter if anyone here thinks OP has too many children, or should or should not have more.
The only important thing is that her partner has already said that he does not want any more and feels that enough already. So OP no matter what you want, its a non starter.

[AriaTloak]

Agree with the carbon footprint argument.

By having even just 1 child we are massively contributing to the destruction of our planet.

Nobody needs more than 2, nobody even needs children we just have them because for centuries it's been drummed into our head that you aren't a 'family' and your life isn't 'complete' until you have children.