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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This morning I walked out

68 replies

PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:31

The kids were at school, he had to leave work to collect them (he had plenty of notice). I've had enough.

The final straw was him using my anxiety as a weapon and then pretending it was concern.

He hated any friend Ive had, he's belittled me, gaslighted me and made himself look the victim.

I couldn't cope any more, so I had to leave. I have no RL friends and nowhere to go.

Everyone hates me, I'm struggling

OP posts:
hiphophippity · 26/04/2016 18:33

I am listening

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 26/04/2016 18:38

I'm so sorry it got so bad you had to leave.

Do you really want to leave your h with the children? Would it be better for you if you could stay at home with them and ask him to give you some space?

You sound absolutely at the end of your tether. If you suffer from anxiety can you get help from your GP, any help for mental health crisis or more meds to get you through this?

If you have no where to go can you afford a b&b, I don't like to think of you with nowhere to stay even for tonight Sad.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:41

He's so paranoid and obsessed with sex, he can't cuddle without getting an erection or groping me. He wants sex all the time. I feel so dirty and used.

I had to leave my DC, I had no choice. I couldn't stay. I miss them so much? It's breaking me.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:43

He wouldn't leave me, I've tried to get him to go temporarily but he didn't go so I have to. I miss my DC but I can't go back.

OP posts:
Bluecarrot · 26/04/2016 18:46

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Took guts to do what you did today. Hopefully it will make him think!
Have you got somewhere safe to go to tonight to rest and think?
If you only have joint account, can you access it now and withdraw money in case he freezes it?
Tomorrow call the Drs for an appointment and get in touch with women's aid for advice and support.

Keep talking to us here.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:47

My anxiety is such that I can't talk to people when I'm outside of work. At work I am fine, at home I'm terrified of talking to anyone. Probably because he has hated anyone I've been.friendly to.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:49

I've got my own bank account with a bit of wages in that I can use for now thankfully. I haven't got anywhere to stay yet, I don't know what I'll do. B&b possibly.

OP posts:
Bluecarrot · 26/04/2016 19:05

Think you should secure somewhere to stay first. As it gets late it might get more difficult.
I think you might need to pull on whatever resources you use in work to chat to your Dr, and women's aid.
Ask yourself : what's the worst case scenario with this call? Focus on your breathing and remember that if you get to flustered you can say "I'll call you back" or "I'll get back to you about this" people are so understanding.

CantAffordtoLive · 26/04/2016 19:08

How old are your children? I know this must be hard, been there, done that, but I'm not sure that leaving the children is a good move. Why don't you go back, sleep in another room tonight and get some legal advice.

Do you own your home? Are you married to him?

I'm sure others will be along with lots of good advice.

Bluecarrot · 26/04/2016 19:20

I disagree with cantaffirdtolive. He sounds abusive and I don't think you should not be there tonight.
Tomorrow after you get advice from WA then you can make some decisions on what to do next.
Show yourself, and him, and your kids that you will not allow yourself to be treated poorly. You are a VERY brave lady.

Bluecarrot · 26/04/2016 19:21

Whoops- double negative in my post.should say I don't think you should go back there tonight.

Cloudstasteofmash · 26/04/2016 19:27

I think your anxiety is about to get a lot better now you have left him.

Have you found any where to sleep yet?

Flowers
TheBigRedBoat · 26/04/2016 19:29

Do you have somewhere to stay? are your family local? How old are your children? I hope you are downward safe

Original poster
PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 20:18

I got on a train and am a long way from where I need to be, I've messed up yet again. I have no family here, there at the other side of the country

My DC are 4 and 9. I haven't seen them since I dropped them at school, I didn't say goodbye properly. I'm a mess.

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 26/04/2016 20:24

I think you do need to ring someone you trust to say that you are safe and ok. Flowers

jayho · 26/04/2016 20:26

Can the power of Mumsnet swing into action?

Where are you lovie and can we help you?

BlueEyedPersephone · 26/04/2016 20:27

I agree, where are you? Let us help you

goddessofsmallthings · 26/04/2016 20:34

Your dc may be distressed at your sudden and unexplained absence, more particularly if their df has not come up with plausible reason for you not collecting them from school and being at home with them this evening.

If you've had no contact with him since telling him that he had to collect the dc from school, it's possible that he has reported you missing to the police - but don't panic about that as it could work to your advantage if he has done so.

Is it now too late for you to get a train/coach to a relative's home and If so, have you found a b&b for tonight?

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 20:41
Flowers
goddessofsmallthings · 26/04/2016 20:43

I would strongly advise you NOT to make contact with your h/partner tonight. If you've travelled to London I can help you find a bed for the night where you'll be perfectly safe and can have time to consider the best way forward which, imo, is to call the freephone Womens Aid number tonight or make contact with the Women's Aid service nearest to your home tomorrow www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Alternatively, you could go to the nearest police station to where you currently are and tell them that you are desperate to be reunited with your dc in a place where he can't cause you any further harm.

Gladysmum · 26/04/2016 21:16

Where are you OP? Flowers

elephantoverthehill · 26/04/2016 23:45

We are all still thinking about you and willing to listen and help in any way possible.

jayho · 26/04/2016 23:49

I'm here too, thinking of you

CantAffordtoLive · 27/04/2016 07:19

Are you okay OP?

I hope you are safe.

TheHobbitMum · 27/04/2016 07:22

I hope your safe OP xx