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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This morning I walked out

68 replies

PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:31

The kids were at school, he had to leave work to collect them (he had plenty of notice). I've had enough.

The final straw was him using my anxiety as a weapon and then pretending it was concern.

He hated any friend Ive had, he's belittled me, gaslighted me and made himself look the victim.

I couldn't cope any more, so I had to leave. I have no RL friends and nowhere to go.

Everyone hates me, I'm struggling

OP posts:
barcelosthehappychicken · 27/04/2016 08:19

You haven't messed up at all op. You just can't think straight because of the situation he has put you in.

Call a family member or friend, please. My friends and family had the measure of my ex way before I did. They knew what he was doing but it was my relationship so they could do nothing but stand on the sidelines until I was ready.

Then they went in to action and supported me, and I am so grateful for that.

It's not wrong to reach out, sometimes you need someone to do the thinking for you in these situations.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 08:50

Sorry for the delay, I ran low on battery. I found a travelodge to stay in but that's only for tonight.

H hasn't been in touch, I hoped he would just tell me that he had the children. He doesn't care, he's happy I've gone and he's the poor dad again.

My family think he's wonderful, so they're no use and wouldn't help or be interested in calling.

I have no friends, he successfully alienated me and then uses it against me.

I have the feeling that his parents are with him now and they're all berating me because I'm an awful mother with MH problems blah blah blah. I can't go back, I can't go anywhere. I'm stuck.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 27/04/2016 09:00

Please let someone know you are alive and safe at least! They will be worried sick about you.

Morasssassafras · 27/04/2016 09:07

Please call women's aid. They will be able to help 0808 2000 247.

CantAffordtoLive · 27/04/2016 09:10

Well, what's done is done but that is why I rather hoped you would have gone back last night. Of course he is going to use this against you, you've given him a stick to beat you with.

I am sure you will get some good advice but other than seeing your GP and contacting Womens Aid I don't know what else to suggest.

I ended up in a very similar situation to you some years ago but my DC were well into their teens so it (I hope) didn't impact too much on them. I had to go back eventually and I think this may be the case for you. If you are so unhappy are you prepared to start divorce proceedings?

It is awful to get into such a bad place though, I do understand that.

barcelosthehappychicken · 27/04/2016 09:12

I'm glad you are ok.

Don't worry about what they think. .

The fact that your husband hasn't called to see where you are, speaks volumes on the type of man he is.

As everyone says, call WA

Looly71 · 27/04/2016 09:25

No advice as such but please keep talking to people on here. It really can help. if you give a rough idea of where you are perhapd someone on here could offer you local help. My heart goes out to you lovely Flowers

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 09:46

I'm sat in a hotel room crying, I want my babies, I want to tell them I'm sorry. I want a hug.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 09:51

I should have just shut up and my DC would have been fine.

OP posts:
AnthonyPandy · 27/04/2016 10:00

Are you in the UK? Please let people help you. Womens Aid have set up the phone line specifically to help you and countless others like you. They are waiting for your call now.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 10:01

I know I'm difficult to live with, I have anxiety and I have sporadic periods and I get awfully hormonal some times but I get really tired and have zero sex drive

OP posts:
dilemmaforme · 27/04/2016 10:04

Pinksquash didn't want to read and run. I'm sure you don't feel it right now, but you are brave Thanks
I have experienced the isolation and my family showing no loyalty and siding with stbxh. It hurts, it really does but as a pp said, in the long run they aren't worth it.
Please keep posting as so many on here have amazing words of wisdom and will give you the advice and strength to keep on keeping on.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 10:38

WA probably wouldn't help, they'll say it's because I'm a fucking mess as well.

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 27/04/2016 10:39

Please call womens aid, visit your GP.

Your anxiety/mental health have been effected by him. He is an abuser, it's not you but him.

It doesn't come as a surprise that he alienated you, nor that he has manipulated your family into thinking that he is mr wonderful.

PhoenixReisling · 27/04/2016 10:40

No they wouldn't say that.

He has zapped your self esteem and made you believe that you are a mess.

NameChange30 · 27/04/2016 10:47

Women's Aid will help you. They won't say it's your fault because it's not.

Please please call the helpline:
0808 2000 247

It's run jointly by Women's Aid and Refuge. There might be a women's refuge you can stay at, or a centre you can go to for practical and emotional support.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 27/04/2016 10:48

Please do call WA.

If he isn't abusive, why are you sitting crying in a hotel room too scared of him to go home and live with your kids if he won't leave?

He is abusing you and using your mental health issues to do so, you need advice from Women's Aid.

If you end up with no choice but to go back, they will help you to end your relationship with him and keep yourself and your children safe in the process.

Pearlmum1 · 27/04/2016 10:51

I think Women's aid will be a massive help for you, it's 100% worth a try op, please look after yourself.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 10:55

Maybe it's just me that has the problems? My mum always thought it was down to me. I am the one who has all the problems. It is down to me.

OP posts:
CommonBurdock · 27/04/2016 11:05

Hi OP. I've been where you are.

Stop beating yourself up, right now.

I let him grind me down to the point where I thought it was all my fault.

He refused to leave, ever. I asked him so many times.

I had to leave my kids with him, in another country, for my own sanity and most importantly for their emotional stability. Hopefully you are in the UK.

Your kids need you strong. The first step is to get help. Please do as the other posters suggest, phone WA, do it now. First for your kids, then for yourself.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 27/04/2016 11:15

I'd have zero sex drive if someone was always groping me and wanting sex when they knew I didn't want it, yuck. Please go back for your dc - you don't want him getting full custody. You need to be with them - they need their mum. Be as blunt as you want to him, you don't have to talk to him at all, don't do anything for him, and if he touches you you can shout and scream and call the police. But do go back for the children, at least until you have some legal advice about splitting up and custody and all that stuff.

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 11:30

I should comply with his sex wishes 'as I knew he had a high sex drive when I met him'.

This is what I'm told regularly when I bring it up. I can't go back, I can't.

OP posts:
CommonBurdock · 27/04/2016 11:36

Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't.

Please get RL help. Counsellor then solicitor. Knowing your rights will help you make a decision.

CantAffordtoLive · 27/04/2016 11:36

Please please go and see your GP at least.

There are many of us who have felt the way you are feeling now and we want to help you. Your instincts to get away are probably the best thing for you right now. Maybe by getting away you will begin to see that it really isn't you, it isn't your fault. Everybody thought my ex was amazing, but he was the most abusive and manipulative person ever. I also had to get away!

Original poster
PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 12:02

I'm in the doctors, hoping I can get an emergency appt and I can see if it's crazy or not

OP posts:
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