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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This morning I walked out

68 replies

PinkSquash · 26/04/2016 18:31

The kids were at school, he had to leave work to collect them (he had plenty of notice). I've had enough.

The final straw was him using my anxiety as a weapon and then pretending it was concern.

He hated any friend Ive had, he's belittled me, gaslighted me and made himself look the victim.

I couldn't cope any more, so I had to leave. I have no RL friends and nowhere to go.

Everyone hates me, I'm struggling

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 12:05

If I'm totally crazy ffs, I don't even make vague sense

OP posts:

Looly71 · 27/04/2016 12:06

I know it's scary but do what is right for you right now. Would he get children up and out for school etc while you're gone? If so while you don't want to be away from them at least you know they're being cared for. When you're feeling stronger you will be able to go back and collect them

Original poster

PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 12:15

I think he got his parents in while he works, he's more capable with the DC than me anyway so I know they'll be fine

OP posts:

Morasssassafras · 27/04/2016 12:35

Have they said you can see a gp pink?

You did what you did to save your own sanity. From what little you've said he seems blatantly abusive and hopefully the gp will see that. It doesn't matter that you have anxiety, in fact it's entirely possible that you have it because of him, it doesn't make the way he treats you right.

Women's aid would not tell you any such thing. They would be able to signpost you to local services who can help you, and hopefully be able to get you a place in refuge. They'll also help you to be able to sort out what to do about your dc. If you can't see a gp or if the gp is not helpful please please phone women's aid.

If you do see a gp then don't hold back, tell them everything, let them know how bad things have been.

Trust me when I say there are people who can and will help you if you give them the chance.

Original poster

PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 12:41

I'm seeing a nurse at 1630, I managed to not cry at the receptionist although I'm crying again now. I just feel like an absolute lunatic

OP posts:

Morasssassafras · 27/04/2016 12:48

Cry. Please do cry if that's how you feel. That will help them to get you the help you need.

It's great that you have an appointment but the earlier in the day that you speak with someone the better chance of getting a bed somewhere tonight. Please call women's aid 0808 2000 247, or google your county and domestic abuse and you may get a number for a local service.

They will help you.

You do deserve help!

tipsytrifle · 27/04/2016 14:39

You're not a lunatic, you aren't mad, bad or a failure. You've left because you've reached the absolute outer edge of what you can put up with. You have chosen to live rather than die inside beyond a point where you are recoverable. That's actually a "flight in order to fight" action. It speaks of enormous inner courage as much as the despair he has put you in by making you feel worthless. He's a liar. You ARE worthy. Please stop attacking yourself in his absence.

You've escaped because you need to breathe. Now you need help to re-balance and do what you can to sort things out. WA can help with planning next moves.

DubbyDubDub · 27/04/2016 16:22

Oh god, you poor thing. I am sending love and support across the net.

Get to the docs, take their advice and try to calm down for a bit with medicine if necessary.

And then think straight after a while of calm. You will be fine, and your children will be fine.

You need to take of YOU for now.

CommonBurdock · 27/04/2016 16:28

Very wise words by tipsytrifle.

Hope you're feeling better OP.

Original poster

PinkSquash · 27/04/2016 16:51

He was lovely, he's referring me to the safeguarding doctor and I have to make the call to the DV team.

I can't help but feel a fraud though,

OP posts:

CommonBurdock · 27/04/2016 16:57

Glad to hear it.

And stop with the fraud stuff!!!

Emotional abuse can be incredibly damaging, it doesn't have to be physical to be completely unbearable and unacceptable.

Just look after yourself and take the time you need to start thinking clearly.

TheHobbitMum · 27/04/2016 16:58

You are most definitely not a fraud, well done for going and telling the gp. Xx

enfru · 27/04/2016 17:00

They wouldn't be referring you if you were a fraud. Do you have somewhere to sleep tonight?

velocitygir1 · 27/04/2016 17:20

I walked out on my 1st husband and son when he was 24 months old.

He was abusive, violent to me but not his son, he was older and took advantage of me during a stressful period of my life-I'd attempted suicide and I was 17.

I had a complete breakdown and ended up in a refuge minus my son.
My ex manipulated him, me and the courts! He's 17 now and I last saw him 10 years ago :-(
Please whatever you are going through OP do not let the bastard win and end up in the same heartbreaking situation I am.
If you wanna chat in here for you.

Morasssassafras · 27/04/2016 17:45

I completely understand why you feel like a fraud but you aren't. I promise you aren't. The damage that has been done to you emotionally, mentally and sexually is just as valid as any physical damage. Once you've engaged with the services they will help you to see what we can already see.

Have you called the DV team yet? Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?

NameChange30 · 27/04/2016 17:58

Well done for going to the doctors, I'm so glad they've referred you to the safeguarding doctor and DV team. Hope they can help you find a place in a refuge and get some support.

You're not crazy. You've done an extremely sane thing by getting the hell out of there!

You can still call Women's Aid any time if you need someone to talk to.

CantAffordtoLive · 27/04/2016 20:29

You're not a fraud. You need help, someone to listen to you. When you are enmeshed in a situation with no outlet it can really drive you to distraction until you don't know what is right any more. I speak from experience. The best thing you can do now is to open up to Womens Aid and to your safeguarding Doctor. Tell them everything. Your only problem I think is that you are too nice! I hope you are okay this evening. I am sure a lot of us are thinking of you and sending you strength.

CantAffordtoLive · 28/04/2016 22:27

Hey PinkSquash, are you ok? Please come and update. There a some of us who wonder and care. It helps to talk. I know. I had no one really, I did have some family but they were some miles away and it upset them because they were too far away to help. There is a lot of support here.

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