Hi, I'm very sorry; this is a long-winded wordy post. Warning: very LONGGG post ahead..
I know it going to be hard to read it all, but please please read through the whole post. I really want to hear your viewpoint, what you think of this guy. Regarding to what he did, the way he treats his past 'One night stand'.. Especially the bold part in the bracket. Please read the bold part in the bracket throughly, it very important (it about what he did in the ONS, and the way he treats the ONS).
I need your viewpoints/inputs, anything on what you think on this guy based on this ONS situation only. Just based on this single situation only, what you think about a guy like him? As in what does it say about his character, what it say about him based on this stituation only--what he did on the ONS and the way he treats the ONS.
okay, The situation: In all fairness to him, it happened 10-11 years ago. This happened a decade ago when when he 20 (he 30 now).
What happened was a decade ago/back in his college age days, when he was single; he had 2 "One night stand" condom on sex.. It was just the 'purely' physical sex, zero emotions into it. It was just two people wants to get into each other pants for the physical sex.
He said he have zero feelings for those ONS girls. It was a one time thing where both parties agree to the arrangement of the physical sex, and he leaves afterwards.. He make it clear in the begining that he will not stay the night, he will not call, he will not keep in touch.
He also make it clear that he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't even want 'friends with benefits'. He just want the physical sex (so does the girl). The ONS girl agree with that arrangement.
The girl and him both want the physical sex, there No emotions involved.
I understand that he doesn't want a baby at the college age, and he doesn't want to pay for child support, so on his ONS he always wear a condom. This agree with him that he do the right thing to use safe sex and protect himself.. I guess he smart, he sure saw alot of guys with baby mama drama out there, so he make sure not to get himself in to the position like those guys.
Safe sex sure help avoid alot of headache and drama, especially when you not ready for a baby.
He said he doesn't do anything wrong because he make it very clear in the beginning that the arrangement was: purely physical sex--condom on, and he leave right after sex; the girl agree to it.. It simply just two people who wants to get into each other pants.
The ONS girl agree with the arrangement. Both parties agree with the arrangement, that was why the ONS happened.. He woudn't have the ONS if the girl didn't agree with the arrangement. It about fairness to himself and fairness to the girl.
He believe in fairness, and he wants to be fair to the girl. He doesn't want to give the girl false hope.. He make it very clear he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and he Not looking for a relationship. The ONS happened because the girl agree to the arrangement, he make it very clear in the begining; he not leading her on. He didn't do anything wrong.
When he doesn't want a relationship, he will honestly say he doesn't want a relationship. He said he will not give give a girl hope when it isn't hope there.
okay, fine. BUT here what I find him cold and cruel. Picture this okay, so basically on those two ONS of his--He had sex with the ONS girl, jerk it off into his condom. And leave right after sex, go on with his street life like nothing happened.. He doesn't stay the night, he doesn't call, doesn't keep in touch with those girls. He leave right after sex, he doesn't care about being nice or being civil.
I understand that he wear a condom for safety for protection, he doesn't want to pay for child support blah blah.. But the thing is he so careful to the point that before he climax--with the condom on he still pull out. And he finish himself off in the condom/jerk it off into the condom; outside no where near the girl's vagina.
Basically he doesn't trust the ONS girl/the 2 ONS he had in his past.
Heck, he probably doesn't even trust the condom because with condom on he still pull out, and ejaculate outside (he pull out, and then finish himself off in the condom all outside).
Yes, you read it right. He wear a condom but he still careful to the point to make sure that he pull out before climax; pull out with the condom still on, and finishes by hand help himself. He jerk it off into the condom after he already pull out.
Heck, the condom still on but he still pull out; and he finishes by hand--jerk it off into the condom all outside. His ejaculate was no where near her vagina, he that beep careful. I feel that he so cold and cruel.
And he leave afterwards. Yes, he leave right after sex, go on with his life like nothing happened. No feelings No emotions involved. it was just the 'purely' physical sex.
Isn't all that just cold and cruel? I know it his body. I know he extra careful but he selfish, it all about himself. I feel that he doesn't trust the 2 ONS girls at all. All he care about is him, him and him only.
From what he did with his past 2 ONS; I feel that he wants to avoid the chance of pregnancy at any cost, like avoid it avoid it.. Eventhough it a one time thing sex with condom on, but he still that beep careful.
I asked him if he miss those ONS girls or think of them? He said No, he doesn't miss them, he doesn't think of them.. Physical sex is just physical sex, there no emotional attachment to it. He doesn't even know those girls.
I asked if he text, phone or keep in touch with those ONS girl afterwards? He said No, he said doesn't see the needs to because he make it very clear in the beginning already. He not looking for relationship, he not even looking for 'FWB'. So what is the need of text phone, or keep in touch with them?
What he wants was just he physical sex, (so does those girls). After done with sex, leaves afterwards go on with his life. The girls agree with the arragement and agree with him leave after sex, therefore he doesn't own that two ONS girls anything.
I asked him; "what IF"--what IF the ONS girl get pregnant, what would he do. I asked him would he married her?
You know how cold his answer is? He said No, he said he will not married her.. Because he doesn't love her, he doesn't have any feelings for her, he doesn't even know her. He will not married the girl just because she got pregnant from the one time ONS. (Given how careful he is even with condom on; she got pregnant from that one single time sex with condom on is a No).
He won't married any girl, unless he loves her. Unless he loves and have feelings for the girl; or else he won't married her. He wants to be fair to himself and as well be fair to the girl.. To him it all about his fairness and balance scale.
Anyways, I continue asked him answer me, "what IF"--the what IF question if she got pregnant then what? He answered, he said he will pay for child support, be in the baby life, spend time with the baby, buy whatever things the baby needs. He will will fullfill his role as a father.. But between him and that ONS girl: it simply he the dad of the baby, and she the mom of the baby; that's all to it.
He will Not married her, he will Not have sex with her again.. It a ONS, it a one time thing sex and it will remained a one time thing; there won't be a second time sex.
He will fulfill his duty as a father; pay for child support, be in the baby life, buy whatever things the baby need, watch the baby grow up.. But that it, he won't married the ONS girl, and he won't sleep with her again: ONS will remain a ONS--one time sex.
He wish her all the happiness; find her man/her husband, find her happiness.. But him--he won't married her, because he doesn't love her. He wants to be fair to himself, fair to her, and fair to the baby.
That his fairness scale, probably the point of extreme? Seem like this guy is very black and white in his views, there no grey line, he doesn't blur the line. It rather black or white, not in between.
He doesn't let girls or physical sex influence his decision. He can clearly separate love, feelings, emotions, sex.. He sure can separate the ONS purely physical sex, separate it from the sex with emotional attachment. He can damn clearly separate if he loves the girl or not.
Like for example with his ONS above; when there no feelings then there no feelings, he very straightforward, he make it very clear since.. It very black and white to him, it so easy and so clearly to him.
And he doesn't need any girls to stroke his ego, he doesn't need a girl to be in relationship with. He confident in himself.. Frankly, I think he is a cold and self-centered guy. I feel that he not capable of love any girl, I'm not sure if he capable of truly love any girl.
What do you see from this guy? Based on waht he do in his ONS/how he treast his ONS, especially the bold part in the bracket.. Isn't he kind of cold, self-centered, cocky? I feel that he not capable of truely love any girl. Can you find yourself be his girl, be with a guy like him? Be his girl--be his woman (especially knowing the way he treats his past ONS, knowing those stuff above about him).