Sensual Sex

[purrpussycatpurr]

After a lifetime without this a man has come into my life who is sensual. Do you have a sensual partner?

Are they are a rare breed? I am rather taken

oopks, had't read peacem's comment. But surely you'd like him to a weight which means he'll be healthy for a good long time and would prefer him to be say the normal weight for his height? Obviously you love the man he is but surely it's better if you can see the rippling muscles and more importantly know his long term health is secure?

Point was Xenia, that Dior's H apparently doesn't like her being a size 14 and "won't come near her" as a result. 14 is not obsese, so health implications irrelevant, and it's just not the same as not being initially attracted to someone you have just laid eyes on "because of their size". When somebody loves someone else and is in a committed adult relationship, it is not usual to just "go off" them because they have got a bit bigger, nor is it normal to crush their condridence and cause them hurt by telling them this is the case.

My DH needs to lose some weight and I would like him to for those health reasons. Yes I appreciate the sight of a toned male body but I can honestly hand on heart say that I don't look at him and be turned off because he is not the body beautiful. I love him and I fancy him too.. the two things do not depend on his waist size. This is what mature relationships are about.

(*confidence)

Xenia context is all.

You saying you're not attracted to obese men is not a controversial statement in itself.

You saying it just after Dior has told us what her DH says to her, implies that Dior is obese and that somehow her DH has a point. To a reader, the two things look related.

D'you see?

Men all over the world go off their women and sleep around because the women put on weight. Surely you all accept that and some women do the same too.

" it is not usual to just "go off" them because they have got a bit bigger,"

That's the bit I don't agree with. I also think size 14 isn't obese. Average UK size is now 16 but most of us look better at size 10 or 12 if we can manage it (it's hard for men and women).

So one answer is to lose weight. See huge quantity of diet threads all over mumsnet at the moment.

better a man says what he thinks than just goves off with someone else though isn't it? Communication is all although there are tactful ways of doing it - better way is to have a family fitness plan, throw out all junk food and he offers to go jogggin with you at weekends

No I don't accept that actually.

They go off women because they go off them. You can stay slim - even get slimmer - get a new hairstyle, get better clothes, and if they are inclined to go off you, they still will. If they're not, they won't. Same goes for women. I don't think people need a specific reason to "go off" each other, I think sometimes the grass looks greener and "you've got fat/ bald/ wrinkly/ too ambitious/ too lazy/ too boring" are just the excuses, rather than the reasons, iyswim.

I don't believe that "you're too fat" is ever the whole story. Kids can be hell on a relationship.
It could be a controlling statement to cover jealousy caused by babies; it could be a very insensitive and totally unhelpful way of saying 'your personality has changed eg self-esteem,' caused by babies; it could be that he feels his life sucks (more than yours does of course) so he's going to bring you down too.
We all find ourselves in a situation that is nothing like the dreams of family life we had but because women talk about it to each other, they cope better. Men don't talk about these things so they retreat into their cave and growl unpleasantly.
I'm off to google a suitable book to help any menfolk we want to give a second chance.

Jesus, Xenia. You do talk some shite, you really do.

Message withdrawn

Well there's a niche in the market if anyone fancies researching and writing it! There are no non-humourous, non-cartoony books for men about how relationships change after kids come along and how to deal with it. Pleanty for women but they're not really the ones who need help (they have Mumsnet.) I think it's really sad .
This was the best I could find.

I'm not the best person to have on threads like this as I'm single and divorced I suppose.

"

Jesus, Xenia. You do talk some shite, you really do."

BUT I still stand by that statement.

Message withdrawn

i know men who fancy their women more when they're bigger. I know someone who just doesn't doesn't fancy any women less than a size 18.

and saying that it's 'the world over' is bollocks, in the Middle East there are many areas where plump ladies are revered, and thin ladies thought to look unwell and unwomanly.

and what is this sensual sex we speak of? (i assume it's not a slap on the arse and being taken roughly from behind )

Talking of different cultural perceptions, did anyone ever watch that programme about feeding rooms?

I can't remember where it is in Africa, but the girs when they reach the age of being a woman, are taken off to feeding rooms and fed loads and loads of food and not allowed to do any exercise so they go in thin/ slim and come out enormously fat and marriageable.

A thin woman is just not seen as desirable.

Message withdrawn

Cal, that's true, Keyna or somewhere or Nigeria and they feed them on lots of milk to make them fatter but over most of the planet people tend to prefer people about size 10 - 12. The exceptions are places like Tonga and I suppose if more people are obese than healthy weights in the US now people won't remember what normal is so that might change but the stars of Bolly wood movies are not 20 stone girls, nor any Japanese or Chinese films, South Africa, Australia, US, UK etc. And it makes sense - obesity means at least these days likely early death so presumably most of us are therefore attracted to healthy weights and we almost owe it to our children to keep our weight at a healthy level.

And some men are those so called "feeders" who want to keep their women virtually house bound in the UK and extremely obese but that's just weird. Some men are threatened by their women getting slimmer too. It's all very intersting.

Agree re the power balance in relationships changing when one party loses lots of weight and changes their image, leaving the other party a bit confused and insecure.

I'm not sure that the fat issue is always irrelevant in long-term relationships. If you dislike yourself 'fat' it might translate into a lack of self-confidence which is sometimes unattractive. But that might just as well be any other aspect of your appearance or personality. It's hard to find someone attractive when they keep giving out the message that they are unattractive. Not that I'm saying this is true of Dior but I think it was true for me for a long time.

Unable to comment on sensual sex BUT my ex-DH left me for someone shorter than me and four stone heavier. In case you think I must be a stick insect, I'm not by any means, after losing 3 stone am still towards upper end of healthy BMI. Ironically my ex strayed at the same time I started losing weight! (After having spent years feeling fat and unattractive and him reassuring me I wasn't!)
PS (((((hugs)))))) to you Dior, size 14 is not fat!