Would it bother you if your OH spent 30mins - 1 hour almost everyday chatting to another woman?

[foxyfox112]

When he is travelling to/from work. It's someone he met through work but doesn't work with anymore. He doesn't have any reason to speak to her.

She moved away so he never sees her in real life, says they just chat occasionally but phone log shows it's nearly every day during the week.

[ExpandingRoundTheMiddle]

Sorry that this is happening to you.
is is an emotional affair.
If it was a friendship pure and simple, he wouldn't be lying to you about it. Lots of people probably text or say things to their mates that they wouldn't be too keen on their partner jearing if they're fed up and having a bit of a moan. That's very different from having an ongoing secretive relationship with someone, which is what this is.
He's investing in this relationship emotionally, whether or not it's physical is beside the point.

What do you want to happen?

[VilootShesCute]

Yes sorry I'd not be happy with that.

[haveacupoftea]

It doesn't sound great. Do they ever text/whatsapp each other?

[Bonkerz]

Has he ever done anything to make you not trust him?
Playing devils advocate could he be hiding the truth from you because he knows you will kick off?
I'm saying this because I have a very good friend who is male. I can categorically state there is no sexual attraction we are just friends. Only ever been friends. We just get on well and share interests. We talk daily. DH knows this. At first he was a little annoyed but I see it like any of my other friendships and decided to get all dh worries in open. He knows my male friend. He still gets wobbly (last weekend me and male friend went to dinner before meeting with a team for our hobby) but I have nothing to hide.

Tell him you know about the calls and tell him that he is making you nervous by with holding info.

[LucySnow12]

Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in his car then you'll hear what's being said. You can buy them on Amazon.

[2ManySweets]

May I ask your situation? Are you married? Do you and him have kids? I'm guessing you guys live together at least?

The only reason I ask is because this would bother me intensely. However you look at it its a transgression, a betrayal of sorts. Would he mind if you and a male chum spoke for an hour a day, far away from prying ears?

I'd be tempted to walk but I don't know your situation.

[foxyfox112]

We are married and have 2 children. He hasn't given me any other reason to suspect there is anything. I asked about messaging and he said he occasionally texts as well but obviously that doesn't mean anything from him. When I have seen his phone there have never been any messages from her so he much delete them.

[foxyfox112]

And to answer Bonkerz I don't think I normally overreact, I would be ok with it if it really was occasional

[foxyfox112]

I have checked and he has spoken to her again this morning even after telling me again it's just occasional.

[lavenderhoney]

Does he know you are looking? How are you checking if he is at work and presumably has his phone, unless he works from home?

It's a bit odd he deletes messages from her. Has he been doing it very long? I wonder what on earth they can talk about for an hour everyday tbh. I hope he chats with you when he's home etc.

[WellErrr]

You just need to print out the bills and show him them. Ask him to explain, then stay quiet and let him talk.

[foxyfox112]

We both work full time, I saw it from looking at his call history for the day. I haven't looked today though I really want to but don't want to start living like that checking up on him every day.

I kind of wish I knew nothing at all about it now

[Dungandbother]

My stbxh did the classic thing of openly lying but always insisted he was being truthful.
So admits to talking to her but doesn't disclose the full extent of the talking. So like you, he thinks he's being truthful 'enough' by admitting what he has.

Lying by omission of facts which are relevant to the point.

Needless to say he's stbxh. I uncovered 4000 texts a month after I'd thrown him out. This was a few years ago and now with messenger and what's app, messaging is untraceable.

I suggest you screen shot and mail yourself the shot of the call log. He will delete them and deny. Then probably gaslight you into submission.

[FantasticButtocks]

Yes. A relationship with another person, which threatens your relationship, even if it's totally conducted by phone, is not on. Lying - not on either. At. All. No fucking way. Unless she's his long lost adopted sister, then no, no no.

[FantasticButtocks]

Pressed post too soon... Unless she's his long lost sister, then there's no valid reason for him to speak with her for an hour each day on the way to work. I'd like to hear him justify it. Does he give you that much undivided attention every day?

[TwoLittleBlooms]

Yes, that really would bother me, and the fact he is claiming it is only occasional, when in fact it is everyday would set alarm bells ringing. Why not be honest with you?

[DarthPrincess]

In short I would hate it. I don't class myself as jealous but I would haven given dp an ultimatum her or me. Dp calls me on his break and used to leave me voice notes on his journey to work ( lives with me now so I drive him in so obviously we chat instead - I still get my phone call on his break tho) I see those little calls as our 'thing' we've done since we first dated, so for me if he started calling another woman I'd question why as that's what happened in the first stages of us becoming a couple.

[MistressDeeCee]

Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in his car then you'll hear what's being said. You can buy them on Amazon

I would do this. I couldn't care less about any "moral" aspect of not doing it, stuff people hide behind to get away with dishonesty and prevent you from making an informed decision about whether to stay in relationship. Where it could go either way in terms of being sure, Id rather know for certain if Im being taken for a mug or not thats far more important to me.