Would you accept this ?!

[Wheredoistandnow]

Yesterday my boyfriend went to get his children for an extra day as it is the holidays. He said he decided when he got there that he would just stay and mix in with his ex and the two children rather than picking them up and taking them out.
So they went off for a wander round their old town, had lunch then went back to hers for a few hours.

Would you accept that ?! It's not the first time that they have had a day out together this year either.

[Spandexpants007]

It's great for the kids if they are friends.

Think you just need to be more secure within yourself.

[Spandexpants007]

If they are genuinely friends, why wouldn't they spent time together when they have the kids?

[Greengodess68]

I don't think you are going to get totally impartial advice on here! The nature of this board is usually for women seeking advice for being hurt or dumped by their DH, and many have been hurt by affairs and will naturally be unsympathetic to your situation.

My ex and I have a fantastic relationship with each other, that is non-romantic, we even went on holiday with our children together. We both have new relationships, and although my boyfriend has met my son, it is purely because my son is at home and couldn't be avoided. I haven't met his kids yet as they live with his ex and I'm not in a rush. I'm happy developing the relationship with him before we bring in all the family. Don't over think things and probably take the 80/20 rule.....ie, 80% of advice will probably be from women who will hate your guts and want to take out their hatred of the OW on you!!

[broodypsycho]

I'd get rid. It's totally unacceptable and the fact that he thinks it's acceptable shows he has no consideration for your feelings. You'll always feel insecure with this man. Go and find a nice single guy who'll respect you. You don't need any of this sh*t in your life

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

he is cheating on you. Doesn't give a fuck about your kids or you.

[Mozzereena]

No I wouldn't accept this.
It sounds like an utterly miserable situation for everyone.
You are lucky to have the choice whether to accept this situation or leave.
My sympathy is for his children, having such a horrible, selfish man for a dad.

[Lilmisskittykat]

Hi op - don't be disheartened by the comments. You are where you are.. And you've not lived if you haven't feel for someone you shouldn't have... Xxx

I do think there is sense in what is being said here.. That perhaps the family unit he broke is being rebuilt.

If I was you I would be concerned after so much time that he's not included you in his kids lives. I do think that's a big warning sign of how secure he feels in you relationship as meeting the kids is a big thing. Or as you've not after 16 months it's not that serious

If I was in your situation I would break my own heart and leave before it might happen anyway. You could be happier in a less complicated relationship where it grew on trust not deciet .. And I'm not judging as I've been there and fallen for the wrong man too (no kids not married) and I wish I'd walked away as I felt I lost my self respect by clinging to what I knew was inevitable

But it's upto you to if you want to ride it out.

[Gobbolino6]

I understand how you feel, especially given the circumstances in which you got together. But complaining isn't going to go well.

[Gobbolino6]

I've never cheated but I have been cheated on twice. The first time I walked away. The second time was my current DH. We've been married ten years and this was 5 years ago when our oldest children were very small.
I took him back...did everything I could to get him back, in fact, and after a number of months he left the OW and did come back. I was a different person then and thought the reason he'd left was that I was useless. I now realise that wasn't the case. Things are okish now....weve been through a lot together and we've definitely had some positive changes. But I will never, ever completely trust him. That's not a problem in that I'm not invested in us as a couple the way I used to be. It wouldn't break me if we split up. It's all a bit sad and pathetic, really. I'm not proud of it.
But he strung me and OW along for months. When OW thought he was visiting the kids, we were in bed together. I don't think she had any idea.

[lljkk]

is it really so great to be gleeful about getting a man 'back' from the OW?
It's not like you can ever get back what you lost.

[lljkk]

ps; and I'd be thinking "Good Riddance Let Her Have Him" if it was my DH who cheated.

[Gobbolino6]

I can't see how my post could come across as gleeful. I certainly wouldn't make the same choice now.

[lljkk]

Well glad to hear that, G.

[BottleBeach]

My ex and I get on fine. I wouldn't describe us as 'friends' exactly, but he's an important part of my family, and our 6 year old DS likes it when we do stuff together so sometimes we do. There is no way on earth we would ever get back together.

However, in your case OP, I can see why you feel jealous. He hasn't made any kind of commitment to you; and even if he had, you know he's capable of cheating.

[FifteenFortyNine]

OP to answer your question, in your situation, no I wouldn't accept it. He isn't showing any signs of commitment with you. You need to think about what you want and then talk to your DP see if there is anything worth saving in your relationship. More realistically speaking, just move on, find someone better and single.

[Itisbetternow]

My ex didn't introduce our kids to his OW until at least a year after he left our marriage. His choice nothing to do with me.

For the last four years ex and I have spent kids birthdays together, Christmas and Boxing Day. Again his choice I've not forced him.

Ex and I get on as we were always friends. As long as we don't talk about anything deep or financial we can manage a day together for the kids. We were together for 20 years it can't be ignored.

I don't care what the ow thinks as long as my children feel loved and secure that is all that counts.

[Wheredoistandnow]

I can understand them spending christmas- birthdays and Boxing Day together.
I had no issue with him spending Christmas Morning with the kids at his ex.
Or them going for dinner after he first school day. The same for parents evening but I do feel a bit put out that in the last three months they've been out all together about seven times which I do find slightly unsettling.

[HackAttack]

Maybe it's how the mother of his child felt when you were breaking them up. Gotta love karma.

[AliceInUnderpants]

Think of all the family time he missed whilst he was shagging you OP

[TheCrumpettyTree]

Oh well OP, you reap what you sow. Maybe next time choose a man who isn't with someone else. I have no sympathy.

[Bogeyface]

I cant help wondering if his wife thinks that they are working on getting back together.....

[ohforfoxsake]

Oh OP you fell for the 'I'm not happy/my wife doesn't understand me/no sex/no affection' line.

I'm sorry for you.

You are, and always will be The OW.

To do the right thing they will put their kids first, that's before you. Kids love seeing their parents together.

Haven't met his kids? Perhaps that because you are in the OW box and not quite there yet in terms of importance.

You could be my XHs OW. She's never met our kids, he spends time here, he wanted to come away with us this week, he takes us out for meals. We look like one big happy family. OW has a little boy who he has met and spent time with. One of them is investing emotionally in that relationship as the other isn't.

I was once his OW. He wasn't married then, he didn't have kids, but he was in a committed relationship. If it wasn't me it would hve been someone else (he told me this but I was young and naive). It bit me on the arse good and proper.

I'm waiting for the news that his OW is PG. It's the only way she will be able to trump his children.

Both massive cunts IMHO and I wouldn't have him in my life if I had the choice.

[VodkaJelly]

I actually found the post by cabrinha fucking disgusting. Unless you are the wife or the husband and have some insider knowledge. Maybe just maybe the poor ex wife doesn't actually want the sleazeball ex back and wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on earth, maybe she is just being the adult, slapping on a smile and making small children happy by getting on with their dad.

Not every dumped wife is plotting to get her ex back or dropping her knickers at the first whiff of his regret.

[Cabrinha]

I totally agree with you VodkaJelly and I fucking hope for her sake this Ex is one of those whose head is rightly held high and who is doing the best for her children through gritted teeth despite this sorry excuse for a man.

The purpose of my post was to show the OP that this was one possible (and sadly not outlandish) reason that the arsehole she is with is spending lots of time with his ex. Because the OP deserves to feel insecure and unhappy, in my opinion.
(I'm more scathing of him than her though)

I mean absolutely no disrespect to the Ex who has all my sympathy here - and in fact I was surprised at your post because I hadn't even considered mine would be interpreted that way!