Would you accept this ?!

[Wheredoistandnow]

Yesterday my boyfriend went to get his children for an extra day as it is the holidays. He said he decided when he got there that he would just stay and mix in with his ex and the two children rather than picking them up and taking them out.
So they went off for a wander round their old town, had lunch then went back to hers for a few hours.

Would you accept that ?! It's not the first time that they have had a day out together this year either.

[Wheredoistandnow]

They weren't married so no need for divorce. She moved out and is living in another town etc now.
Yes this is a real post I have better things to do with my time than make up cock and bull.

I could of lied but it's a significant piece of information and I felt to judge the situation you'd need it for it to fit mine.

[YourLeftElbow]

do you think you feel jealous because of your history OP, or do you think he really wants to go back? It does sound like your relationship with him hasn't moved on since he left her. Are you happy with him in all other respects?

[RedMapleLeaf]

He said he was unhappy and she made him unhappy that I made him laugh and was fun and different.

I was worried you'd say that. Does she still make him unhappy? Did he come back telling you little things that she did that upset him but it was worth it for the children? Do you still make him laugh?

[Wheredoistandnow]

I don't know if he wants her back. He's unlikely to tell me that unless he's off out of the door that's why I was asking for opinions of whether his time spent with all of them was a sign he was trying to go back or make amends.

[Lweji]

And people told you that considering his background story, you're wise not to trust him.

[AnyFucker]

Oh dear.

His ex partner is now the OW and you are the boring one stuck twiddling your thumbs wondering what he is up to

Them's the breaks

[HackAttack]

I hope he dumps you and goes back to his family :)

[AnyFucker]

I hope both women come to their senses and fuck this cocky twat right off

[WellErrr]

Yy AF

[lavenderhoney]

Of course he did. It was possibly planned as well. Not divorced yet and possibly no plans to. You are so barking up the wrong tree.

Let him try and put his life back together and in the meantime why don't you find someone else?

[RolandaHooch]

I don't think it matters whether you were the OW or not OP.

16 months is a long time not to meet each other's children. Ex partners can be on friendly terms without needing to have days out together. I would want to know exactly where he saw the relationship going at this point.

If you'd posted that your DP had been on a day out with a female friend and didn't tell you beforehand, a lot on this board would be telling you that he's up to something. Because it's his X and you've admitted to being the OW you'll get mostly spiteful comments.

It's a shame that relationships seems to be patrolled by cheated on women who want to take their bitterness out on someone. It's getting ridiculous now.

[wigglebum84]

Once a cheater always a cheater.

[BolshierAryaStark]

Hate to burst that bubble Rolanda but I've not, at least to my knowledge, been cheated on. I do however know a cunt when I see/read of one.

[PrincessBooBoo]

I am the ow - it's been over a year now and I've not met the children You aren't likely to for a very long time love!!

I was wondering if he was just wanting to go back to what he left They almost always do - get used to it....

I have no sympathy for your selfish views

[HoppingForward]

She really won't want him back if she has any sense so you can rest assured there. All she cares about is her children's well being and he is grabbing onto any family time she allows him to have.

You have created a vacancy in his life though, you are now his partner so there is a vacancy for a new OW...

harsh but you knew what you were getting involved in. I'm interested in knowing how old you are tbh, I'm assuming young and naive instead of just another company leg over who should know better.

Yes, the above is harsh but it's how I feel. My advice would be to break away and concentrate on yourself, it's honestly a great feeling when you can wake up and think today is about me and move forward, you must feel dreadful in yourself about it all.

[emilybrontescorset]

I also admire couples who can do what your ex has done and remain amicable.

My ex was all up for this kind of parenting until the ow put a stop to it.

He has ruined his relationship with the dcs now.

[RolandaHooch]

No worries Bolshier. Burst any bubbles you want. Doesn't alter the fact that this board is full of nastiness. If you've not been cheated on your nastiness must have other foundations. People post for advice, not to be judged or criticised by people who are so obviously not perfect themselves.

[HPsauciness]

I don't think it's clear what he wanted from the day out- it may have been that once there, the children said please stay daddy and they get on well enough to make that an ok lunch. My parents are divorced but tolerate each other at social events and have the odd polite cup of tea together, slightly strained. Or it could be as others said, he or she are interested in exploring their situation/old relationship.

I don't think we can say from the info given which is the case. I actually think it's better if parents can have a nice lunch/go out together and don't hate each other on sight.

[Happyat40]

It's possible he may go back.

My DH and I managed to work through things when he had an affair.

I don't regret it to this day.

OW was literally left in tears . O well. That's what happens when you knowingly wreck families.

[lorelei9here]

When you say lives in another town, how far away is it? If he has to overnight there then I'd imagine he has been pretty cosy with her.

If you've not met each other's children yet, I'm wondering how seriously he takes it.

[EverySongbirdSays]

It's been over a year since he left her and you haven't met each others children and you don't live together. You were carrying on for a while before he left. You aren't the OW or the New Woman. You are a fling and just a symptom of a wider crisis. even if he doesn't reunite with his wife, you won't evolve into a 'real' relationship. It's clearly just about the sex. He will either go back or meet someone new and use you in the meantime.

[DementedUnicorn]

I just cannot fathom how your "partner" of 16months hasn't met your kids. It sounds more like he sees an easy fuck instead of a relationship.

[Bogeyface]

You were the exit affair. You will do until he finds "the one" or decides that actually life with his ex wasnt that bad after all. That why he doesnt want to get into family life with you.

Do yourself a favour. Leave him to his own fuck ups and deal with why you are happy to accept being his fall back when there is nothing better on offer.

[BubblingUp]

From what I have seen the man will go back and forth between the wife and the OW for awhile - sleeping and lying to both - as he decides what to do. This could go on for years and both women will usually wait and wait and wait and put out and wait and wish and wish and put out and cry and wait and wait and wait. Guilt may keep him with the mother of his children in the end even if he doesn't like the wife too much anymore.

So if I were you I would just expect there to be this transition time where he will go back and play Happy Family with the wife and kids - and sleep with her - and then come back to you because you are more exciting and fun - and sleep with you. There won't be a clean break even if there is ultimately a break and you goes to you in the end.

[Baconyum]

I agree he doesn't see you as a long term relationship, regardless of you being the ow, signified by his not wanting his children to become attached to you nor your child attached to him.

My ex cheated but until a few years ago when he really started acting a twat over contact, we had a good relationship I also had/have an amicable/civil relationship with his now wife/was the ow. To the point she and I have done days out with the kids without him in fact it's often easier to communicate with her than him!! And the pitiful lack of contact with our dd is I firmly believe down to him and not her.

I'm also at the age where approx half to 1/3 of my friends are finished with their first marriages and onto dating/new relationships. 2 of my male friends did similar after their marriages, had ladies they dated shagged who thought they were 'the gitlfriend' but who were never introduced to their friends and family and certainly not children. Those ladies were left high and dry when they met their now partner/wife.

Have you met his parents? Friends?