I've finally realised this and don't know what to do. She means well and would do anything for me but I just find her so manipulative and irritating although she thinks we have a wonderful relationship. I do have a lot of resentment stored up from things that have happened in the past but I could never speak to her about it because she sees herself as such a victim and doesn't consider how her actions have affected other people.
Trouble is, like it or not I have to see her - I know she will expect everyone to rally round her like they did her own DM as she gets older, she already see herself as the 'matriarch' of the family we're not on bloody Eastenders. I need to get over my issues with the past and try and do the dutiful daughter thing, after all she has been a good mum in many ways, I just find her such hard work and I know other people do too. I guess it's not her fault but that doesn't make it any easier.
I need some strategies for coping. She lives 1.5 hours away so I try to visit or see her about once a month, we speak once a week and text as well. In between I try to put her to the back of my mind and get on with my life but it's getting harder to keep her in that mental 'box'. I hate thinking about her this way, can't bear that my DD would ever think like it about me, but sadly it's the way I feeL :(.