To realise that dp is a nasty abusive shit

[midlifehope]

Lying here feeling very ill with headache and cough - been sweating all night. Asked dp to bring me a cold drink as I can't stand the light so can't get up. Have asked about 6 times. He hasn't bothered.

Ffs.

AIBU does not mean 'pile in and be a cunt.'

Sorry about the twats OP
Hope you're feeling better soon.

It's really not 'dangerous' to assume someone posting on MN has a back story, don't be silly

It isn't 'automatic' to assume there is either.

Op I think I'm right in saying you've posted about this man before and, yes, he is a nasty abusive shit.

I'm sorry you're not well and it is mean and shitty to not get an ill person a glass of water. I'd do that for anyone, never mind someone I'm meant to love and care for.

I'm also sorry you've encountered some utter, unfeeling twunts on here too. Get better soon. And when you do, think about getting rid of The Shit.

It's really not 'dangerous' to assume someone posting on MN has a back story, don't be silly.

I think you are taking my post a bit too literally. It is dangerous to make assumtions because then the whole point of an opening post becomes a moot point. Everyone has a backstory or another point of view, that's why you have to take what information is given to you and work with that. The opening post was (to paraphrase) 'I'm not well, my partner is not getting me a drink. I call that being abusive'. Of course other posters are going to think the op is being a bit much, or wondering why (when posting on here) she cannot possible get her own drink. That is not to say that the partner isn't reading like a horrible, uncaring guy in the first post, but I think abusive is a bit far.

Anyway, hope the op is feeling better, and someing is managing to look after the kids.

I can look at my phone sometimes when I have a migrain, but can't have the lights on. Not everyone's migrains are the same. He's an arsehole. Is he 'punishing' you for something?

redexpat same. I have to be lying down with no other lights on as those are the worst for me.

My parents have just driven 2 hrs to help me. They are 70. Dp does not work in the holidays.

They are taking me home with them so I can get some proper care. Was seriously dehydrated due to breastfeeding and no liquids all night. Thanks.

Yes he is punishing me - he told me I am boring last night and were not matched and never were.

I'm glad you're getting out- now stay out.

Get a charge on the property and get your life back.

How do you get a charge hissy? And what is it?

He sounds fucking horrible.

Please listen to Hissy.

Hope you are on the mend quickly and then you can do your research and sort things out financially etc.

If you can show you have bought a house together and have a financial investment in it you can register a Charge against it. It will halt any sale.

Go to cab and get advice.

If you're married it's more straight forward.

Please don't go back to him, under any circumstances. Grab this opportunity with both hands and your feet too and go go go!

We know it's hard... We're here for you all the way... Just keep him out of your life!

Hi midlife. I am sorry you are in this shit situation. Quite why some other posters have chosen to focus on castigating you rather than offering you empathy and support I don't know, think it says more about them than about you.
I know from personal experience that when you are in an abusive relationship it can be hard to admit it to yourself, let alone other people. It can be easier to get upset about the little things, rather than admit to the bigger things that are going on. Also it can finally be a seemingly small thing that gives you that moment of clarity and makes you realise how f@cked up things have become.
I am glad your parents are there for you and you have managed to get out of the immediate bad situation. I would say your first priority is to get physically well and then contact Women's aid to explore your options for extracting you from this draining and unsupportable relationship.
Things probably seem bleak at the moment, not helped by the fact you are unwell. Be kind to yourself, be brave and take this opportunity to escape.
You and your kids deserve better. Hug for you and good luck.

I am almost over my flu now, but just wanted to come back and say how ashamed of yourselves the posters who had a go at me for not getting my own water should be. With the flu, you cannot literally get your head off the pillow or get up. There was some serious victim blaming going on, when I was in a sick and vulnerable position. So go and check yourselves if that was you.

Still away from the family home, with the dc. Do not want to give up my cherished family home, but have finally realised how unbalanced and controlling p is and need to find a plan to have more time away from him. Doubt he will move out though.

Sorry you encountered the AIBU twats, OP.

Some people really do have nothing better to do. Glad you are feeling better. Stay away from this twat of a DP.

You need legal advice before deciding how to proceed. Is the family home jointly owned? Is your name jointly on all of the deeds?

Didn't your last thread turn out similar, OP? Everyone who didn't agree with you should be ashamed of themselves?

I'm sorry you've been ill and I'm sorry you've had a shit relationship but you can't come here and post in AIBU "My DP wouldn't get me a glass of water, he's a nasty abusive shit" and leave out some massive backstory, and then complain that people have said "No he's not, don't be a twat."

Maybe whilst you're rethinking your relationship you should also think about your inclinations to martyrdom and drama.

IMO nothing in your posting history indicates he's abusive - just that you aren't suited to each other and should have split up about a year ago.

Are you married to or cohabiting with your 'p' and is the "cherished family home" registered in your joint names or his sole name?

In any event, all you need to know about registering home rights can be found here: www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce/overview

You didn't really give much to go on thought did you OP?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable in both your original and your most recent posts.

Haven't looked at your posting history but pocket saviour's post says it all, your original post essentially said that your dh was abusive because he wouldn't get you a glass of water. You have now tried to tell people off for not buying into that mentality - if there is a back story, now would be the time to tell it.

Pocket, read what resilience said. Then you will understand.

By the way pocket, do NOT call me a martyr. You do not know me. Who the hell do you think you are? And do not tell me when you 'think' I should have split up. Perhaps you just like calling people names?

But OP when you are not giving much information how can you expect peoples opinions to tally with your own.

From your post it sounds like he's a bit of a knob but abusive? I can't say that you've indicated anything that would make him abusive. That's not to say he's not though either.

You've given very little info then pounce on people for not understanding your situation and voicing an opinion. You posted on an open forum, you were always going to get opinions. I personally think you need to explain a bit more of the backstory in order for more people to be able to understand and offer you support.

Hope you're feeling better.