Clingy 'friend' rant

[Neenypoo22]

I've recently moved to a new area and started talking to one of the mums at school. Turns out she lives at the end of my street. She mentioned about having a brew sometime, I was happy to be making new friends. I'm not the most social person in the world but a brew every week or two would be good. We exchanged numbers and before I'd even got through my door I had a text of her saying hi, this turned into 2 then 3 then 15 texts saying how happy she was to be my friend and she hopes I make an effort with her as her other friends never do and it's always her asking to meet etc. I should have got the hint there and then she was a little full on! I mean, I've only just met you! She came for a quick brew the day after at 1 we did the school run together I said my goodbyes and went home she was knocking on the door before I'd even taken my coat off and just walked straight in when I opened the door her kids in tow saying it will be nice to see if they get on with each other. She put me in the spot so I didn't say anything! She was still there 8pm!! She only left when my husband walked in from work and even then it was a struggle getting her to go. Since then she texts me every morning- hi are you ok?x if I don't reply straight away she sends another if I don't reply she messages in Facebook, if I don't reply she whatsapps, I've got 4 young kids and two dogs so I'm pretty bloomin busy! It's even got to the point there she fake rings me-oops sorry must have dailed in my pocket or I'll get a series off kkkjjhhbbbvcxddff texts where she will tell me her 18 month old somehow unlocked her phone and sent me 30 messages.shes always asking if she can come round so I can put her hair in braids. I'm a 30 year old woman with a family to look after I don't really have the time. It's really full on. I've been making excuses why she can't come round for a brew but I'm running out of them and don't want to hurt her feelings by saying you know what? Your not my kind of person. She asked me via text a few days ago if I thought she was pestering ;that to me says she knows she is)so I took the opportunity to say something. I said yes you are, I'm a busy mum and you obviously have more free time than I do. She said she would back off and didn't want to lose me as a friend because if it. The next day she came to pick up a game she had lend to my son her and her husband turn up on my doorstep at around 8pm in their pyjamas and come in for a brew. That had long finished and I'd yawned a few times husband had started sorting his things out for morning and she says right I'll have another brew before we go. I really don't know how to deal with her. I don't want to be mean, but I just don't have to time for such a clingy person. I like my own company 😕

I'm in a similar situation myself and I wrote a thread about it yesterday! Great advice in this thread and I'd agree the only way to get rid of her is to be blunt to the point of rudeness. IMO, your friend and my friend know they're crossing boundaries but for some reason I can't fathom they just won't quit.

She took it really well, apologised & said she hadn't realised she had been out of turn. It worked. Or, so I'd thought. A week later, SS came around as they'd had an anonymous call That's really mental

stealthpolarbear I second that! Your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all wish! There's no need to be mean to someone so you get a laugh and use them when you need them! How horrible for you!

Oh wish you sound lovely, I'm sorry you've had that experience.

To put another side to this, I often think that because my life is so busy with work, the dcs and dp, the time I have for friends has shrunk right back. I barely have time to see the friends I have, never mind make new ones. I'd never be unfriendly and have loads of acquaintances but only tend to make new friends now if there's a very quick click - I've no time nor energy to make the effort if there isn't. I wonder if that's just the stage of life many of us are in right now.

And to answer the op, no I couldn't cope at all with this. My friend had a similar sounding neighbour and it had to come to a proper fall out to get it to stop. She felt so harassed she wanted to move at one point.

I feel for you, I really do. I've had this twice with friends and have had to be really blunt with them before they eventually got the message. I don't see either of them now apart from to wave and say hello to in the street. It's a real shame because I liked the company of both of them in small, manageable doses but they both blew it by being way too full on and too thick skinned when I tried to back off from their constant neediness and endless pulls on my time. Unfortunately they just didn't seem capable of a less intense and intrusive friendship, it had to be all or nothing so they got nothing.

I think these people just move constantly from one intense friendship to another without ever stopping to analyse what they are doing wrong each time. Some people never move on from that playground/childhood 'best friends' thing where they think it's all about spending literally every available spare bit of time together. People like that make me run for the hills.

Thanks everyone

Stealth, if it was just her I'd agree, but it isn't. Nobody I know makes any effort with me; and no one has ever bothered to tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can't change. I can guarantee that if I didn't text the few ppl I know occasionally I just wouldn't ever hear from them. I'm in my 40s now so I'm also pretty busy with family, but I'm also a sahm so it gets lonely sometimes.

I don't think I'm clingy; I'd be happy with just 2 or 3 friends that I see 2 to 4 times a month for a few hours each time, which I don't think is excessive(?), and obviously that wouldn't be set in stone (depending on ppls commitments, etc).

whirly, I agree, life is very busy and what you say about finding time is true... I can't believe it's April already.

Neeny, it sounds like you've gone above and beyond in your efforts with this person, and I agree with the others that you're probably going to have to be very firm and direct with her. You seem to not like confrontation, so it probably won't come easy, but I think if you don't bite the bullet soon you may end up exploding and that would be worse. Sorry that I can't offer more advice.