Ok, it wasnt working and now its finished.

[charliecat]

Me and dp have been grumbling along for years. Its not been great for years. But we have 2 dds and we have stayed together for them I guess.
But its got to the point where I cant do it anymore. And hes miserable too.
Constant nagging and negativity from him and exasperation from me.
So Ive said its over. Its not working.
So hes gone, and he keeps ringing, ranging from...Oh im in a mess here...and Ive got every right to feel fucked off ...bla bla...
Just need to vent thats all.

CC. Hi you.

You know that separating from someone isn't an event. It's a process.
Believe me, you have been courageous in calling a halt, and you know you have done the right thing. When you do meet, it would be a good idea, IME, to get fortitude from remembering the reasons why you called a halt.
And yes he IS an adult in pain, but, he is an adult. You are not responsible for how he manages himself, as much as you do plainly care for him.
Can I suggest you think beforehand and make a sort of (at least) mental list of boundaries? i.e. 'I will do this to enable him, I won't do this to enable him', and stick to them. You're degree of caring for him could easily undermines his own efforts at self-care and be a seed of future conflict.
X

oh I cannot think of any advice but I couldn't not post. Keep thinking about you. Make sure you are thinking about yourself too!

Cc, do you think it's definitely irretrievably over for good? I was just wondering, as there seems to be some residual affection on both sides, if you'd ever considered relationship councilling or if it was really way too far gone for that?

Dp and I have had some ups and downs this last two years but it's pretty inconceivable to me to be without him. I'm sure that if we went to RELATE or something like that, you know, had a third person who was neutral to advise us, life would be easier.

I totally agree that you can't stay together if a relationship is totally dead but if there's a spark of real love still there somewhere surely it's worth trying anything to keep it going? Just in case? And if that fails then you know you did your very best.

Or not. I don't know just how bad it's been, cc.

Thinking of you. I wish I could be more of a mate at the moment, but I'm very caught up in other things. Driving me nutty!!

I dont know IF, I dont.
But I rang him earlier to see if he wanted me to buy a baking tin for his boss, as he ruined one of hers and spent a day last week fruitlessly looking for one the same size....and i found one the right size in tescos, so i rang to see if he wanted me to buy it
2 hours later(now) hes just rang to moan that he thought I was ringing to see how he was, and i was asking about a tin instead.

Cc, I recognise those kinds of totally crossed wires, getting on each other's nerves kinds of things. But I wonder if they are worth breaking up over? I'm just playing devil's advocate here because it's such an important decision - do you see any little spark of love still between you? Is there something you can salvage?

Dont know IF, hes here now. Totally broken in two. And I just keep saying im not sure this is over me I think its because of the upheaval in your life....

Hes very remorseful. Looks sorry for the shit hes dealt out. He mentioned counsleeling...any ideas???

CC - just that your last messages have been all about him. None about what you think/feel. Impose on him exactly what the problems have been????

He knows what the problems are. Ive been saying for long enough.
Its just before we peddled on, as you do.

So sorry you are going through this charlie. Hope you manage to sort things out whatever you decide. If you need a chat you know where I am xxx

CC you poor things it sounds very emotionally fraught for you guys at the moment. You said he's emotionally broken and you're not sure if it's over you or over losing his family life. But how are you cc? If you could resolve some of your niggles would it be worth trying councilling? I'm sure you'd find a relationship councilor somewhere close to you. My friend and her partner did it when she was pregnant (previously they had the most bloody awful rows and she said there's no way we're doing that with a child around) and it totally made a difference to everything.

CC. Am hoping things are developing as best as how you would want them to sweetie.

Am taking a 'sabbatical'(!) from MN. Please do cat me if you have the incling to. Will be otherwise thinking of you in any event. X

How come pann? Been getting into trouble? Or just found a better chat site?

cc, how are things with you guys? I've been thinking of you ...

Thanks for posting still. We have talked. And ive said im at the end of my tether and have zero tolerence left for any sort of shit, even small shit. And that im making no promises, because im not, but we are living together, in harmony, at the moment and have been for a few hours LOL
I would like to think that this has been his wake up call. There will be no second chances though.

Oh yes, and Pann why are you going? Even if only for a small time?

Glad you & DP have worked it out, CC.

cc I'm glad to hear that. Don't take any shit. And why don't you both go to see a councilor anyhow? Because things do tend to build up again before you know it...

CC? How's things?