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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ok, it wasnt working and now its finished.

93 replies

charliecat · 06/01/2007 13:56

Me and dp have been grumbling along for years. Its not been great for years. But we have 2 dds and we have stayed together for them I guess.
But its got to the point where I cant do it anymore. And hes miserable too.
Constant nagging and negativity from him and exasperation from me.
So Ive said its over. Its not working.
So hes gone, and he keeps ringing, ranging from...Oh im in a mess here...and Ive got every right to feel fucked off ...bla bla...
Just need to vent thats all.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 06/01/2007 20:26

what do you argue about? (i'm not very good on relationship threads btw!)

notasheep · 06/01/2007 21:28

Crikey CC
Hope this is the next best thing for you after stopping smoking.
Cry torrents,it will help and remind yourself how strong you are

Original poster
charliecat · 06/01/2007 21:30

Sorry vanished there, I text my friend and she came dashing round to mop up my tears.
We argue about everything and nothing. I am no good on relationship threads either!!!
I hope so too NAS, I feel lighter, like the hammers stopped banging me on the head, but its sad its came to this.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 06/01/2007 21:52

do you really think it's the end cc?

Original poster
charliecat · 06/01/2007 21:53

I do. Bizarrely we are now talking and laughing on the phone, now hes in friggin edinburgh. We used to get on well. Time has ran its course.
We both know its for the best.
I think hes going to come back down and find a flat round here so he can see the kids.
Scotland to england for access is no good really.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 06/01/2007 21:57

i wish you all the best (see i'm no good on these threads) wish i could offer some helpful advice

Quootiepie · 06/01/2007 21:58

oh hun {{hugs}} DH and I have been at this point many many times, but, after a few hours (or months one time) we've got back together. Glad you're being strong I know it can't be easy... Just don't let it suddenly get ontop of you...

ledodgy · 06/01/2007 21:59

I've only just seen this. I don't usually post on relationship threads often so am not very good at giving advice but I just didn't want to not post. I hope everything works out for you cc.

southeastastra · 06/01/2007 22:01

aren't we all crap with advice cc!

Original poster
charliecat · 06/01/2007 22:02

Just the fact youve posted is good enough. Time is a healer. Im wishing id done it years ago now. i think its gonna be ok, even though ive got snot wipes on my sleeve and ive spend most of today crying

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 06/01/2007 22:33

Awww... cc, how long have you guys been together? What is at the route of your arguments? Do you think he'll keep off the fags???!!

fussymummy · 06/01/2007 23:37

charliecat if you know it's the right thing to do, then i'm sure you'll feel a whole lot brighter soon.

Snot wipes will be washed away, puffy eyes from crying will disappear as well!!!

Cry as much as you like girl.

Don't forget to eat chocolate!!!

Always helps when you feel crap!!!!! xx

rickman · 07/01/2007 00:37

Message withdrawn

Pann · 07/01/2007 00:56

Charlie Cat. I am so so so sorry. You are a heroine of mine, to be sure. Just got in and about to read full thread. x

Pann · 07/01/2007 01:10

Oh CC. You do sound to me as if you know you are making the right decision. Yes, shitty right now, but you know it gets better. And yes time IS a healer indeed.
You are in Kent, I am in Derbyshire. But please do cat me if you EVER have the notion to. Will otherwise check in here if you post again. Love to you and the little ones. xx

DimpledThighs · 07/01/2007 01:49

CC - really sorry to read this post - what a shame your relationship is over. Relate can also help through counselling you through the separation process, it may help with all these mixed up feelings you are having.

Sorry if that is clumsy advice but want to wish you well.

Original poster
charliecat · 07/01/2007 10:35

Thanks for all the messages of support Erm we have been together for 12 years, gulp.
It had actually got to the point where I couldnt go for a loaf of bread without walking back into a sarcastic comment about taking ages...just small sniping, pathetic, grind you down stuff constantly, and if I said nothing to keep the peace it didnt stop, but if I relatiated it starts an arguement.
Rickman, text you back this morning, read it at 3am!
Woke up thinking about being lonely at 60, but lonely at 60 has GOT to be better than miserable for the next 32 years, and TBH you can be lonely whilst you are living with someone.
Hes not so angry now, or he wasnt last night, his mother will be delighted. Not a day too soon for her.
The atmosphere between us was better yesterday than it has been for ages....pressures off or something.
I said to him Dont come back and start being nasty just because your looking at my face, because hes going to have to come back here as a base to get himself on his feet. I hope not, because thats why ive ended it. To put a stop to the nastyness.
Wondering how ill feel when he rolls in with a new bird...

OP posts:
rickman · 07/01/2007 13:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster
charliecat · 07/01/2007 13:32

LOL...big I like p too, but I cant live with him.
I think once the hurt and anger has gone we will get on fine again, like we did many years ago.
Ive spoke to him today and he said Oh ...bit of a trait in your family, being single parents...
I believe that came out of his mothers mouth..
So I rang him back and started to say Thats the only family I had was my mum, who left her first husband becasue he was an alcoholic and she left my dad because he beat the shit out of her...
..."Oh dont start an arguement"...er...well stop flinging the insults then...
and I went onto say that the alternative was his mum who has lived with a alcoholic for years, Im assuming, just so thats shes not on her own. Even though the bloke cant even speak straight after hes been all day in the pub, which is often....
And I think my mum done the right thing. It was for the best.
And so is this, and he agrees when hes thinking straight.
Ive also said that when hes got a new bird and hes making her a drink without assuming she doesnt want one, like he does with me, and when he gives a shit that shes walking in the dark at 11olcock on her own he will realise how little he cared about me really.

OP posts:
rickman · 07/01/2007 13:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster
charliecat · 07/01/2007 13:44

I dont want my kids in the same sort or relationship either. I want thier other halfs to be pleased to see them when they walk in the door.
Oh fuck, its sad, but its true.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliecat · 07/01/2007 13:46

This has ended up quite nasty, not really nasty, but just insults flinging, distrust, accusations. None founded, but eating away, and not forgotten.

OP posts:
suzycreamcheese · 07/01/2007 13:48

charliecat
hope you're feeling better, getting it out always does help.
might be premature to say this but dont think my parents should've stayed together, dont make each other very happy and life goes quick..
if you know in yourself this is it, end of line then you can start, little by little, to make things as you would like them.. good luck x

rickman · 07/01/2007 13:49

Message withdrawn

Original poster
charliecat · 07/01/2007 13:51

Im going to end up bitter and twisted......................shhrriieeeeeeeeeeeekk. I bloody hope not. I keep crying, but the sad crying isnt as bad as the constant nagging ...its early days.

OP posts: