Partner of four years refused to go on birth certificate.

[FrizzyNoodles]

It is kind of a long story but in short, it was a surprise pregnancy - failed pill, he didn't want the baby so I was getting ready to leave, he changed his mind and i stayed so now she is a month old. He seems to love her but looks unhappy.

We went to register the birth and at the door he told me he wasn't coming in and drove away so I went and registered her alone in tears. I wanted to give her my last name which could have been part of the problem.

we had such a brilliant relationship and it's been difficult but I was hoping we would get it back at some point in the future.

I'm flat hunting again but I don't feel like the ideal tenant on mat leave and looking into housing benefit.

I should leave shouldn't I? Has this happened to anyone else ever? He was always so lovely and we had a good time together. But I feel like I'll alway have that moment when he just left me to so that on my own and have to leave he father section blank after four years together.

I got pregnant on the pill as a teenager, far as I know I was taking it correctly, clearly wasn't an 'accidental on purpose' as I went on to have a very unhappy abortion entirely at my own choice. It happens.

OP if you really want to make it work sit down and tell him just how much he hurt you and how close you are to leaving. Maybe you can get through to him.

I'm not sure if I want to and maybe he doesn't either. He may have just been doing the right thing in an old fashioned way and not considering how it would affect us. I'll sit down with him when I've arranged viewings so he knows I'm serious. Last time I hadn't I just said I would if he wanted me to.

Sorry you went through that it's a hard decision to make xxx

There are three things you've mentioned OP, that made my blood run cold.

"We went to register the birth and at the door he told me he wasn't coming in and drove away"
He drove away? Leaving you to arrange your own transport home from the Registry Office. Cold feet might have made him not come in, but to drive away? That smacks of - calculation.

"He did the shopping while he was on paternity leave but mostly chilled out."
Oh, so he'll take an extra holiday that he's not actually entitled to? There's a window on his soul ...

"He's seemed messier - dropping things on the floor but I don't know if I just notice that more because it's harder to pick things up."
Yep, passive-aggressive punishing you. Fucker.

Even the 'we can work it out' looks suspect in light of these other incidents. Just making your life fucking harder because he can. Bastard. I wish you anger OP, because anger can lift us through a heck of a lot of shit at high speed, and leave us feeling less walked over, less shit upon, and ultimately less vulnerable.

But since I can't actually inject you with anger, have a virtual . The future, your future, will be better than this.

This thread is baffling op. Your posts are all about him! yy I get it you're posting to talk about him - but the whole situation seems to be about him. How he feels. What about you? You're the one who's had the baby and now that's it for the next 18 years. He won't even go on the bc! thank goodness

Let's just deal with this 'old-fashioned' thing. By old-fashioned we mean expecting women to be subservient, to serve, and the man to be top dog in all ways. Thank goodness that's out of fashion - because it's UNACCEPTABLE to automatically treat half the human race like servants and the other half like kings.

Back in the day it was legally acceptable for a husband to hit his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb [not her thumb, but his thumb!]. That was unacceptable and we recognise that now. This is no different: for him to throw a strop because he donated one sperm and expects the child to have his name is unacceptable.

He's cherry-picking all the good bits op (eg paternity leave and doing fuck all). I don't know what he thinks he's playing at here. I'm sorry it's hard to face all this after a long time together op. But why are you skulking about as if you've done something wrong and must tread carefully? I just don't get it - YOU'RE the one with the baby!! You and she are the priority.

I can't believe he took paternity leave and then just chilled out, what a jerk

He did the shopping and stuff here and there and obviously came to the hospital but yeah he did chill out. I was hoping we could be cosy together and it might help us get back on track but he did his own stuff mostly. I didn't mind so much at the time I thought he may as well make the most of it because I have almost a year off and my leave started a couple of weeks before she was born and I took it easy.

The registry office is easy enough for me to get to and from and I'd taken her push chair with me so I was fine it was just so awful having to go in there. I cried on the receptionist and went through the registration in a bit of a state and it's meant to be a lovely moment.

I can't figure out if he is being messier to annoy me. I kind of potter about and pick things up and wipe things as I go along. The last couple of weeks before she was born I struggled and it seemed like there was rubbish everywhere. Since she was born it seems to be really messy but I'm obviously looking after the baby and letting it.

It's all so sad she's such a lovely little thing. I was just getting on with it but it completely threw me that he would do that instead of talking to me first. I felt so bad when it all happened and I suppose I was grateful when he decided to give it a go maybe that made him see me as less somehow. He never seemed to before. I always felt important and valued and it's just gone.

I think my feelings will come out sometime in the future and I'll have my own strop. I'm upset but kind of numb.

Look after your beautiful little baby and when the anger comes in, as it will, thats when you unleash hell on him.

Until then, dont feel that you must act when MNers tell you to LTB. There is no time limit, act when you are ready and you dont sound ready just yet.

As for numb, I can imagine you must be. The sheer shock of what he did, and the fact that you thought you knew him and then he did that.....I would be numb for a while too.

But....always worth keeping an eye on the property market and making sure you have enough in the bank should you find something that suits you.

I hope you find and channel your inner Mother Tiger. How dare he treat you and your child like that. Refusing to go on the birth certificate at the last moment? What does he think that will signify, not just to you, but his daughter? He doesn't deserve to be called a Dad. And you deserve far better than this.

It sounds like he is nice when he is getting his own way and that he has mostly had his own way up to now. You sound like someone who is nice because they are nice (going to trouble for his little boy). This does not sound a good combination and if I were you I'd get my own accommodation and take it from there.