Do you have to be a very easy-going person to find long term love?

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

Sorry for a simplistic title, and for the ramble below, but really I'm getting very disheartened about my personal/dating life.

I'm quite fussy, and when in my 20s-early 30s it didn't matter as much as I was younger/more good looking and had quite a bit of interest from men (and larger numbers available). I'm now not as young or good looking, and haev become a lot more tolerant, but I'm still fussy and don't seem to fancy/like men that easily for it to last long term.
I read this section a LOT and what have concluded is, that the happy stories seem to come from easy going women who also tewnd to habea huge familt/friends support network so really not that fussy about the man, and also usually have that sunny nature to offer.
I wonder if you considered yourself a bit of an idealist (not just in terms of a man but also wanted romance, not just companionship) and you did manage to meet the right person? I'd love to hear from those people. Or if not - do you also think that I don't have much chance without hugely lowering standards (but I don't know how to make myself do that). I really don't want to stay single for much longer - been a few years already! I was married before , years ago, but it didn't work out in the end. I'm not looking to have kids at this stage but would be happy if he had kids. I just want proper love, not just sex and companionship. It seems impossible to find something mutual - the few people I like atm are all attached already.

haha Ghetto! yes, quite - of he likes being tortured in more ways than one! not sure it's my thing!

Backtoblack - that's what I'm wondering about. Is it that these people are very easily satisfied, don't have lists of boxes to tick, don't mind if they atr same level intellectually with the man etc, and just don't focus on partner that much iykwim (handy for not noticing faults!), or do they put up with a lot but present a good picture? I know a few women who just don't see their H as a romantic partner, but mainly as a good father to the kids and as fas as he is a good dad, provides, and an ok p[erson, they are happy.

I do trust women on here (the happy threads) who say they ar happy and in love, I just don't know if it's mainly them being sunny/easy and not much to do with the man. But I'm heartened by stories above from the PITA women who found the right one.

PG I think different types of people want different things from a relationship and also when they are at different stages in there lives.

For example if you are about to embark on having children you might want great earning and good dad potential.

If your 50 and have done all that you might want someone that you have a lot in common with to share all that well earned spare time with.

I'm at the next stage

I also have a controversial view that just because a person managed to stay with someone there entire life theres nothing to say that's a good thing - maybe we need different people at different times in our lives.

( mine has to be a deep thinker

My mum arrives at restaurants and gets the waiting staff to walk with her round the room whilst she choses her table. Then she will sit on it, then say no it's not for me and move. Then she will say a table is ok, and then the food arrives and by that time she has moved! She goes out for meals most days and is like this, and she will do it in hotels. She very rarely will stay in the first room allocated in uk or abroad.

We will often move up to 5 times when going out for a meal, even at places like the harvester, beefeater etc. She has been married 45 years.

Our relationship works because we were both clear that we were looking for companionship first and foremost. We share the same ideals and many of the same interests. We laugh every day and can talk about anything. We're also poly, so the pressure is off with regards to being the one and only, although that brings its own challenges. He takes the wind out of my sails too. And being so happy has taken the edge off my worst qualities.

And I'm not all bad, honest.

"s it that these people are very easily satisfied, don't have lists of boxes to tick, don't mind if they atr same level intellectually with the man etc, and just don't focus on partner that much iykwim (handy for not noticing faults!), or do they put up with a lot but present a good picture? "

I think it's how badly you want to be in a relationship. If you really, really need to be in a relationship to be happy, you will put up with a lot. More fussy people only want to be in a relationship if they find 'the right one' so loneliness is the price you have to pay for high standards I suppose.

diego, up to FIVE times?! I'm very interested to know what is the reaction of the rest of your family in this scenario - use humour, just stay neutral? or you do get annoyed but she doesn't mind that?

Yes, I'm looking for a best friend and lover (though I'm not after a wild sexlife - not that age anymore, just less interested, but I need to like him physically obviously) rather than good Dad material with very high earnings - ideally a 'soulmate' and I don't believe that there is only one of those in the world!
Really want mutual understanding and respect, and similar humour is essential. It's VERY hard to find all of these in one person who is also SINGLE. I actually like quite a few men even right now - all taken, though obviously I don't know them well at all. I'm fine with age gaps btw, much older is fine though not too much younger (up to 10yrs) so I'm flexible on some things that other women are not - don't mind what the body type is or the height within reason (am tall). I'm also relatively flexible as to where to live, within reasonable reach of London. I'm just saying this to show I'm not totally fixed on all aspects. Maybe it's my age that's a bugger (40s) as single men are thin on the ground - with the same objectives of LTR but no more kids.

I think I know what you mean? Although I may be wrong.

I'm ready to start a relationship. But relationships have always been disastrous for me. I'm never short of male attention and would consider myself attractive. But I lack confidence. I've had three kids and although slim, I'm wobbly! With small uneven boobs!! With clothes I look good..once they're off, it's scary!! I am also friendly and giving, can be straight talking and confident in most situations but strangely never with men. These insecurities I believe are part reason I never seem successful in relationships.

In my experience, the people I know in happy longterm relationships are happy in themselves and have good relationships with friends and family and their partner compliments their life rather than makes it.