I'm not sure where to begin with this, so if I have given irrelevant information, it's just because I'm trying to set the scene. And I'm sorry for the ramble!
Before I go into it, I have no idea if these things constitute abuse, or anything else untoward, or even if it is something that should affect me now (I'm 29). As I have got older, I've started questioning my parents behavior towards me as a child but also as an adult now, and it's made me see my childhood in a very different light. I'm not here for sympathy, I would really like honest opinions as to whether this is 'normal.' If I mentioned ANY of this to my parents, the answers would be:
- you were a difficult child
- everyone thought you were difficult and a handful
- you were never happy with anything
- you weren't like your sister
- oh don't be so ridiculous (laughing it off)
- oh we were awful parents weren't we (said dismissively, then they'd laugh together)
These things will probably sound very minimal, and are nothing compared to some of the things on other threads. I know this and appreciate that fact. Again, I'm looking for brutal honesty - perhaps I was just a nightmare child!!!
My parents, but mainly my dad, would kick me, pull me by my hair all the way up the stairs and slap me around the head if I wouldn't go to bed (I remember I wouldn't go to bed A LOT, so this must have been awful for them as parents and I have sympathy). But this sort of approach made me feel worthless, and I remember self harming after it happened (I don't do this anymore and havent for years).
I never had any privacy. There were NEVER locks on the bathroom door, and I remember many times my dad would walk in if he was angry about something or needed to talk to me or wanted me to get out of the bath because I was using too much hot water. He would just walk in. I hated it.
Every day I was at school, my mum would go through my room completely, throwing things away (that she believed to be rubbish) and taking my diary to read with my dad. I used to find my diary in their room very often, and other times they would pretend they hadn't read it but I could tell it had been moved from where I left it in my room that morning.
When I was 7, my mum told me I had ruined their holiday because I was awfully behaved and I would cause her and my dad to get divorced if I carried on. This wasn't something I believed, but any time they argued I was told it was my fault.
My younger sister was extremely good at ballet and we used to travel round every weekend to take her to uk competitions. I hated this and remember making a fuss...I would ask to stay at home or ask if my mum would spend the day with me instead...so this must have been hassling for my parents. However, when I think about this as an adult, I dont think i would ever make one child spend all their time so focused on a sibling's success.
At university, my parents would read all my post sent to their address. One year they opened a card from an ex boyfriend (I had been devastated to break up with), and didn' give it to me,. I found out a year later. This broke my trust in my mum completely.
Now, as an adult, I struggle to be around my parents. I find them very controlling. For instance, if I travel to see them for lunch on a Sunday, they will say it's at say, 2pm, and I will have arranged to be home by 6 to do work for the next day (my job is very demanding and they know this), then I will arrive at 1, and they will suddenly tell me they can't cook until 4 and i 'shouldnt be so dramatic' about needing to be back, and 'you're so self centred'. There are countless examples of this sort of thing..practical things where my parents seem to ignore I even have a life that isn't run by them. I feel utterly worthless around my parents most of the time I am with them.
Generally, my parents are critical of people. They always seem to think they are right. For instance, an electrician will visit and explain what needs doing, and after they leave, my parents will analyse the entire thing... why he was late, was he looking at their antique furniture ..and all these strange introverted things that I realise now as an adult are quite odd. They seem to enjoy drama.
While I have listed all of that, my parents have been good to me...I went to a brilliant school and they were very supportive of me academically and as a result I have a good job now with good prospects.They are generous mostly, and they have a good set of friends. I've had everything I ever needed and more. When it comes down to it, they are kind and want me to be happy. I love my sister dearly and we do have some nice family days. But I rarely leave my parents' presence now without feeling some form of anger or just dispapoitnment at the way they treat me - I have never felt respected by them, and struggle a lot with my self esteem where they are concenred. It hurts even more than on the few times I have mentioned anything remotely related to what I have described here, they just seem to mock me. They see me as dramatic, self obsessed and over the top. Perhaps I am deluded, but I don't see myself that way, yet I see all those traits in them. They're not bad people, but they make me feel bad a lot of the time, and it makes me sad.