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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How much of this is me and wtf do I do?

97 replies

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife · 12/03/2016 09:20

DH and I have been married 10 years together 13. We also own and run a company with 50 employees together (this is relevant, honestly). We have 2 DC aged 6 and 4. He is a lovely man and a brilliant dad

Tbh our sex life has never been brilliant and I suspect that at least 50% of that is because although I love and care for him and we make a good team I'm not really attracted to him anymore, but that is partly because when we do have sex it's not really enjoyable so it's a bit of a vicious circle.

Obviously there's all the usual relationship stuff that you would expect after 13 years together, but he's a good man. A bit grumpy and inclined to sulk but not abusive in any way.

Anyway...

The last couple of times we've had sex I've gone from not particularly wanting to, which I could live with, to actively not wanting to, which I can't. The last time we did was last weekend and I felt a kind of internal horror the whole time but didn't really feel I was in a position to refuse because we've been arguing a bit recently and I felt I needed to show him everything was OK.

Then last night I was in bed when he came up. He put his hand on my hip and started stroking me and I kind of half laughed and said "that's a bit optimistic for this time of night". He said "yes but I can still have a play though" and carried on touching me. I was lying on my side facing away from him and didn't respond to either the comment or the touching at all. After a few minutes I got up and got a drink of water and that was pretty much it.

So...

Nothing happened, I didn't say no, he didn't do anything wrong, but I still feel horrible this morning. I know I'm probably not going to be able to avoid sex this weekend without upsetting him (no violence, just low level sulking) so I'm pretty much going to do it even though I don't want to just to keep the peace. But I don't want to go on feeling like this forever.

So what do I do? I can't leave - the investors we have for the business mean I actually literally can't - my contract only allows me to leave from death or critical illness for the next 5 years at least. Plus I think that once you have children assuming there's no abuse then you have a responsibility to put their happiness first rather than your own so I don't feel comfortable breaking up the family unit at the moment.

But I don't want to go on feeling like this either I don't know what I can do

Oh, have name changed for this obvs

OP posts:
Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife · 20/03/2016 12:04

crazyhead I think you are right, I am vulnerable to ending up cracking and doing something stupid like having an affair or just walking out on everything.

I really don't want it to come to that but equally I don't want my romantic and sexual life to be over in my 30s, so something needs to change. I am just afraid that if I push for the changes I need then that will destroy our relationship anyway at home and/or at work

OP posts:
ExtraHotLatteToGo · 20/03/2016 12:34

You are going to have to be really strong, you CAN do it. You are in your 30's, you NEED to do it.

You need to face the fact that your relationship IS over. It's beyond saving for many, many reasons.

Your DC will be fine, they will be far better off if you separate than if you stay together.

Firstly I would speak to any board members you trust. Explain the situation, explain you are ending your marriage & you are not covering up for him at work anymore and see what they feel are the options at work.

Then you need to tell your H that it's the end of the road, both personally and covering up for him at work. Tell him he has X time to discuss it with the board/resign/whatever before you go to the 'full board'.

Work wise you are a talented, strong, able woman who deserves to have her skills & talents acknowledged and rewarded. Build YOUR career, not his.

Personally you deserve to be happy & fulfilled. Loved, supported, encouraged, appreciated and a whole lot more. Your H doesn't do these things, he cannot do these things, whilst hiding behind you.

It is NOT you breaking up your marriage, he's done this himself, so don't be shouldering all of the responsibility. Yes, you shouldn't have let it happen, so it's not 100% his doing, but it's vastly more down to him than you.

I know it's hard and you'll worry about the impact on the kids, you, him, financials etc. But you just have to accept that it will be tough, but you will get through it. You will all be happier when it's sorted.

crazyhead · 20/03/2016 12:34

I suppose you've got two choices - do nothing, which you know you can't cope with, or doing something which as you say may destroy things, but is possibly a lifeline.

Even the sex thing - it's just not ok for you to be in a situation where it hasn't been pleasurable for you. Perhaps you've found it hard to express, but equally he could have put your pleasure higher up the agenda. It sort of sounds as though you've been protecting his ego at a huge cost to yourself. I really sympathise because you are paying a price for kindness

LeaLeander · 20/03/2016 12:36

Destroy what, though?

It seems to me that both miserable, unfair situations MUST be disrupted. The sooner the better.

Why should you live filled with resentment and stress and feeling disrespected and used just so everyone else can continue on their merry ways? It is your ONE life here on planet earth too, you know. Don't be so afraid of change.

CiderwithBuda · 20/03/2016 13:29

Well the bottom line is you don't want to have sex with him because you don't respect him any more. Completely understandably.

You are the lynchpin that is keeping everything going and you are not getting the recognition you deserve. Of course you feel resentful.

On top of that he smothers you by needing you around for everything. You are losing your 'self'. Everything you do is for him, your children or the business. There is nothing for you.

If you don't want to end the marriage you need to have some very honest and difficult conversations with him. Perhaps counselling together. I would definitely suggest counselling for yourself if you can manage it.

Things can change. The office/business issues could be restructured. Businesses do it all the time. Both of your roles could be restructured to give you more recognition. Maybe there are other areas within the business that he could take on. It might not be easy to have the conversation but what have you got to lose?

And you need time for you. Something you don't do with him. Gym or running or something.

My DH doesn't really have friends. He works part time but travels overseas a lot for work. When he is home he is just happy to be at home. I'm more social. I need my friends. We socialise as a couple but I also do a lot of socialising on my own with friends. I love travelling - he is not so keen as he travels so much for work. So I travel alone sometimes - I have very close friends in Australia and have been alone for the last two years and will go again this year. He stays home with DS. I love him and I miss him but it's good for us.

It's not healthy to do everything together. It's suffocating.

Minime85 · 20/03/2016 14:23

Staying together doesn't equal a happier home or the right home for children of the parents aren't happy. Kids pick up on these things

springydaffs · 20/03/2016 19:29

Swap jobs? Re he swap to PA, you to MD (you are anyway)

IonaNE · 20/03/2016 21:08

OP, first of all, I have no legal background but I do have a strong suspicion that any contract from which you can't leave bar death is not legal/binding. Kind of the same as you can't sign your life away, it's not binding even if you sign a document to this effect. So yes, I think if you wanted, you could leave.

The next thing is that this driving to work together, working together, going home together, spending the evening together, spending the night together is just... I don't want to say "unhealthy", that would be too strong, but I think most people would find it suffocating.

Another thing is that the fact that he does not like to be alone, not even go to the supermarket alone makes me wonder how he is an independent individual (as all adults are expected to be).

I have a friend, an IT specialist, works for a well-known search-engine provider. He's late 30s and single, does not have friends, or hobbies, does not see the point. He does want a partner/wife, he thinks all his social needs will be solved by that one woman, along with household and other needs, no need for anything else. Your H reminds me of him, from your description.

When I read the beginning of your post, I thought I'd respond something along the lines of "sex is not the meaning of life" but tbh it seems to me that sex is not really the problem here. Sorry I can't come up with anything concrete - I hope others will give more useful advice.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 20/03/2016 21:58

You said some members of the board already suspect that you are doing all the work and are pressuring him to prove he can do the job.

That's your lifeline. Talk to them. They already know.

They are giving him a chance to make up a "reason" why he needs to step back for a while and give you the MD role. Vague health issues are a common favourite in these situations. You are currently ignoring their lifeline to you both.

What you are doing is deliberately deceiving your board when they suspect something is wrong. That's not good. Considering the board already suspect him of being Homer Simpson, trying to deceive them will likely not succeed and will likely end up in you suffering for covering up his incompetence.

Don't cling to the drowning man who is refusing to grab the lifeline.

Stormtreader · 21/03/2016 09:32

So, its like you're on a tandem bike, going up a steep slope.
You're at the back, pedalling like crazy to keep everything going, head down. He's at the front, not pedalling at all but getting the fun of steering and enjoying the view, maybe occasionally tossing out a carefree "great pedalling there!".

Of course he doesn't have a problem with the current situation, it's lovely for him, in fact tomorrow lets go all the way to France! He either doesn't see or doesn't care what it's costing you, he's just enjoying the ride.

The thing is though, in a relationship he should care what it's costing you, and he should care whether you are also enjoying the ride. If he can't see it, its up to you to tell him. If you are telling him and he can't or won't take it on board as something that needs to change, then that's a massive problem.

SeaRabbit · 21/03/2016 13:34

If (as it seems) you can't talk to your husband, I agree with RunRabbit - talk to someone on the board, or, more indirectly get some sort of coaching organised for you and DH & let them break the news.

In the meantime get some separation - go into work separately from time to time.

I wonder if you despise him not for what he is, but for the fact that he lets you do everything (even at home it seems) and takes the credit and the greater salary.

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife · 22/03/2016 07:53

Stormtreader that's a great analogy, although it's more that he's sitting on the front being terribly miserable and stressed that the ride isn't going very well but still not really pedalling.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 22/03/2016 08:53

If he really is nit happy, could that be your way in to discuss whats wrong and what needs to change.

I am certainly rooting for you,, all the very best.

springydaffs · 22/03/2016 23:26

What do you think of the idea to swap your roles ihope?

SolidGoldBrass · 23/03/2016 00:14

I think you need some financial and legal business advise about how to 'retire' or demote this man out of the way without wrecking the company.
But, more importantly, you need to accept that he is NOT a nice man. He is a vampire. He has effectively been sucking the life out of you all the time you have been together - he feeds off your labour, refuses to make any effort to lighten your load and then expects to be able to shove his dick in you whenever he's so inclined?

Unless he actually has some kind of cognitive problem or learning difficulty, he could learn how to do the shitwork the job entails (along with his share of domestic shitwork) but the truth is that he doesn't want to. He wants to take all the credit while you make all the effort. You will be so much better off without him like a ton weight round your neck.

cupcakesandwine · 23/03/2016 08:11

It looks to me as if you have two (interlinked) problems:

(1) the way the business is currently run. You are overburdened and do not get the recognition you deserve;

(2) your relationship which is essentially one of parent and very dependent child.

The business one is obviously key. You mentioned that you need both your salaries to live on. That will presumably still be the case whatever happens.

I think you should consider, totally dispassionately and ignoring any personal relationships, what is best for you and for the company. I second the idea of talking to a good business consultant. Even one or two sessions will help you be confident in your decision and I think you know what needs to be done. I can PM you details of a good, reasonably inexpensive one if you like. I'd suggest you have support throughout this process either from them or from a coach of some sort because you are going to feel very alone and he is going to make you feel like the bad guy, which you are not.

Personally I think you should (a) bring on your best member of staff, not necessarily much more money, but certainly more responsibility and train them to take over the parts of your role you either don't like or which are easiest for them to take on. They should report to you. If you don't currently have one then recruit, even if it is part-time, as long as the person is good. There is a real wealth of under-utilised talent amongst women with great business experience but small children who have taken them out of the workplace who would be happy to work part-time (b) step forward in the way you deserve and take on the mantle of MD and the lion's share of the pay (c) move your H from MD to Chairman on a lesser salary (so overall the total remuneration has remained much the same, but has moved towards you).

Plenty of companies have a figurehead chairman who gets the title, leads board meetings etc but plays no active role and is paid a fairly nominal sum. That is where your H belongs. If he has some useful skills he should be pushed to use them in his role. If this would only be a part-time role, can he be encouraged to take up something else in addition outside the company? This could be something which will confer an indirect benefit like making him take responsibility for joining and participating in any relevant trade associations, or a different role altogether. He obviously does not enjoy what he is doing now and I suspect he knows that he is crap at it which is very depressing

Once you know what you want, talk to your investors, starting with the most sympathetic one. It sounds as if they will back you.

Then, and only then once you have protected your financial and business position, I'd tackle 2. Your relationship sounds dull and suffocating. It may well be over and I certainly don't think you should have sex if you don't want to, but I think it is probably too early to say since you have DC. What is clear though is that if you don't change things it is definitely over, so by taking action you are giving your marriage its best chance.

If it were me, I'd suggest that you start by telling him that the investors want the business change, its not a lie, they do. Then be honest and say that you want it too because you are the one who does the work and you feel that you deserve the recognition. Then go on to say that there need to be changes in your relationship too in order for it to flourish and go on to say what you are looking for which must, I think, include some independence for both of you. At the moment you can't have anything to talk about because you do everything together!

I'd suggest you agree to review things in six months, make it clear that this is make or break time, but also emphasise that the changes can be really positive if you both step up.

Sorry, all of that sounded terribly prescriptive and feel free to ignore it all, but I'm setting out how I would tackle it.

springydaffs · 23/03/2016 09:42

I think you need also to address that you signed up for this from the start. You have played a part in the end result.

NOT blaming you here! Yes he's taken the piss but you let him and now you're miserable...

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife · 23/03/2016 10:38

I would love to swap roles springydaff, but I'm not sure he would go for it. Not least because my role is more client facing and requires more actual work on a day to day basis, which is the part he's particularly not good at.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 23/03/2016 10:51

Not good at work? Well, me either but hey, it's got to be done Confused

You say you're 'not sure' he'd go for it - what about presenting it to him? Ie making your roles formal.

Why do you tip-toe around him btw?

Stormtreader · 23/03/2016 10:53

but I'm not sure he would go for it, so what would he go for? What changes is he actually willing to make? How is he trying to help fix this? It sounds a bit like the only change he is currently willing to go for is "will encourage you to stop making a fuss and go back to how things were, also more sex please"

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 23/03/2016 13:32

He doesn't get to say "I won't accept change".. No one does. Change happens.
You need to frame this differently.
"Change is going to happen..and we can work together as team Ihope and make the best of what we are and can do, or, you can keep pulling in your own direction, and everything, work, home, relationships, living conditions are all going to suffer because it is basically selfish and I no longer have the resources to prop up the difference between your capabilities and your desires. I have tried, its not working for me so there has to be a plan B and it can be together, or seperate but it will happen.

Not really an ultimatum..but starting an agenda for change ?

CiderwithBuda · 23/03/2016 14:12

You don't have to frame it as a swapping of roles completely.

Your initial post was about sex. Obviously it's not just sex. It is the whole unequal division of labor and responsibility, the lack of recognition, the smothering nature of not having any time for you etc etc.

If I were you I would figure out which of those is causing you the most stress/upset. I know it is all tied up together but some things are easier wins than others.

I think if you throw it all at him at once he will react badly as he will be defensive. Basically you are telling him he is no good at work so you are doing it all, he wants to be with you too much and you hate having to have sex with him!

If it were me I would start by carving out some time to myself.
Then I would start having conversations about things generally. For instance with work - are there things you do that he could do? You could start by swapping some duties/responsibilities. And have some honest conversations about the fact that you now resent the status quo.

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