why do I do this to myself

[imsuchafool12345]

I'm such a horrible person. I just lied to my partner cause I knew he'd flip and he found out and flipped anyway. now he said he doesn't want nothing to do with me now and left me and our son in our room.

thing is the lie wasn't that big. Nothing like me cheating or having EA. and if anything I should be the one angry at him cause he keeps calling me stupid and thick and he doesn't want his son turning out like me.

I know I'll probably be flamed for lying I deserve it but I don't believe it deserved to be spiralled out of control.

Talk to your HV and Women's Aid.
And do the Freedom Programme.

Some form of intimacy?
Blow jobs and hand jobs then, no doubt.

You're so right to think about talking to WA/HV.

I know you've seen this swearing / shouting / mean / nasty "relationship" growing up. But honestly love, most of us don't live like that. This isn't just the odd cross word, is it? This is a nasty man who calls you thick. You're not.

You don't have to put up with it, and you don't have to show your son that it's normal and have him grow up to think women should just take crap like that from him.

I have had about 20 boyfriends in 30 years if we count the 3 dates then went nowhere types as well. I have never been shouted at or sworn at by a boyfriend. Never.

I know it's not right and he keeps telling me not to let him walk all over me but everytime I shout back I'm the one in the wrong and I should never speak to him like that.

he also told me not to go downstairs as that's where he's going. so leaving me upstairs with my son. if he doesn't want me to go downstairs how the hell am I meant to feed my son. when he's due his feed cause I'll go down but seriously why would he say that?

So add to my list of things he does, is goad you so he can slap you down.

You don't need me to add it to the list though, do you?

Because you know he's in the wrong, that's why you're posting.

I feel so sorry for you - you should be enjoying your newborn (congratulations by the way!) not tiptoeing round this shit getting shouted at.

And restricting your movements, nice display of power there.
Are you his 5 year old? Sent to your room? You don't have to put up with that lovey.

I knew it would be tough on us at first cause all new born can put a strain on you but there's strain and then there's strain.

I'm surprised I didn't have the back of my hand slapped for being so naughty.

As for the bollocks about forgetting that you are your son'a mum...

Who's the thick one? What an idiot he is. It's just more control - and putting it on you, too - what a shit he is.

You know, none of my excited photograph taking she printing friends and relatives ever turned up at my door, photo in hand, and said "oooops, yes - matches the photo! So sorry, I left him behind earlier, I'm her mum you see".

Funnily enough, all my friends and relatives seemed to remember who her mum was!

Your boyfriend is treating your son like a possession, something to own "I will control all the photos".

Frankly, unless you're doing an exclusivity deal with Hello magazine he's being an arsehole.

You have to think ahead and decide whether you want this horrible man to live with your son and influence his behaviour. Your son could grow up to be just like him if you stay with him.
I don't think it's worth staying with someone at any cost just so you can have a family where the mum and dad live together.
Imagine how your son will feel in a few years when his dad is shouting at you? Imagine what your son will learn?

Oh love, please don't fall into excusing him because a newborn is a strain.

Sometimes, it isn't easy adjusting to a baby. People are tired, tiredness can mean snappiness.

But you know this isn't the strain of a new baby. This is him attacking you when you're vulnerable.

It's very common for abuse to get worse in pregnancy or after birth. But I bet you've got a list of his behaviour that happened before, when you think about. Pushing you for sex when you were tired, accusing you of crap like neglect because you forgot some shopping... Bet that's happened before the baby days.

Honestly lovey, this is not normal baby strain. Nobody tells their partner to stay upstairs because of new baby strain. That's a fundamentally nasty, controlling person there.

I think I should now to piss him off more. let the whole world see him.

now he's scrubbing something downstairs how much do you want to bet he'll have ago at me for not washing up properly. I do all the God damn washing up he only does it if I haven't and he's in a mood and wants to try and show that he has found yet another fault with me.

And I know how hard it is to think of separating when you have a child. I stayed years too long because of that!
But I can tell you that my child of a 'broken' home is a perfectly happy well adjusted child who sees two parents regularly and her teachers have confirmed is just a regular happy child.

Imagine how relaxed you'd feel if you didn't have to live with him anymore and you could just concentrate on your son instead of anticipating your partner's baby little moods and tantrums

we shouted before the baby to be fair but the neglecting crap has only started since I had my gorgeous boy. he still thinks I have time for all that in between feed changing bathing sleeping and keeping the house tidy. I must be one selfish person to still want to do intamincy while doing all that.

"He's my best friend"

He doesn't do any bloody washing up, and you know he'll have a go now about having to do it, and your standard of doing it. (cos you're thick and useless and selfish no doubt... )

Lovey, if that's how your best friend behaves, I can only conclude that he's your only friend.

He's a shit.

Of course he's nice sometimes - otherwise, you'd leave.

"Time for all that".

A best friend (and a partner) does not hound the mother of a newborn baby for sex.

You say intimacy, but you do mean - pleasuring him.

Yeah pleasuring him I don't get nothing cause we ain't having sex yet cause the contraception hasn't kicked in.

Oh I forgot to say too. Apparently I'm a gold digger and selfish because my birthday was a few days before mothers day and I wanted something of my son for both (I said eve if it was just a card) cause it was my first birthday with him. and because he has no money he thought focusing on mothers day will be better and I went that understandable but you can get a card for 30p for my birthday off him. so then he went listen to yourself you're just. gold digger.

I wonder what relationship you saw as a child which would ever suggest the way this animal treats you is acceptable

you know he is wrong yet you seem to think you deserve this vile treatment. You and your lovely new baby deserve way more than this monster will ever give. The face he couldn't even get you a card without being so disgusting towards you, well I could weep. If I knew your address I would send a card myself, and flowers because you deserve that and so much more. Please get away from him and work on yourself to find out why the hell you think this is all you are worth. Because we can all see how great you are and how abusive he is.

Find your nearest Women's Aid service here and make contact with them when he's not around www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

From what you've said about him I'm wondering how anyone, other than his dm, can love this totally obnoxious and unlovable man?

It seems you've settled for the dregs of the barrel and you should be asking yourself why you've chosen a man who is so much less than you deserve?

Talk to your HV and Women's Aid
And do the Freedom Programme

^ THIS ^ WITH BELLS ON!

he said we're over and so I went upstairs to get my son told him daddy doesn't want me and he missed heard me for saying it so came running up the stairs I grabbed my son to protect him he went to grab me then saw I had my son in my arms then blamed me for using him as a weapon. he then said if my nan and grandad come round and try to force their way in to get me he'll knock then out and tell the police it was self defence.

you know what. I can do so much better than him. he just said I have anxiety and depression problems but thinks it's perthetic.

I think you need to call the police. He sounds like he could become violent