Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Dp's ex tagging along with him during his time with the children

101 replies

Disgruntledex · 03/03/2016 19:13

Would you be annoyed if you'd been with your dp a while and suddenly he started to spend more time with his ex on the days he has the children ? It seems like every other weekend they play happy families going off to places or out for dinners .. He even took her with them to visit his grandparents.
It's not always been like this but the last few months it has crept up.

I've asked him why he feels the need too suddenly. ( if it had been something they'd always done since the split I think I would be slightly more according but they haven't and it's only the last few months it's changed). I thought he might have said he felt the need to because she's their mother but instead he said it wasn't out of duty, that he enjoyed catching up with her and hearing about her job and life.
As far as I'm aware there is no contact between visits unless dc related I just don't understand why she needs to be there and why so regularly.

OP posts:

ProfGrammaticus · 04/03/2016 16:44

How long have you been together? The fact you haven't net them maybe suggests your relationship isn't that serious?

lighteningirl · 04/03/2016 16:46

I think they are dating

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 16:47

He wants to get back with her. It really IS that simple. And obvious!

BunnyTyler · 04/03/2016 16:54

How long have you been together?

How long since they split up?

MsMims · 04/03/2016 16:57

Assuming you haven't been together long at all as you're avoiding answering. Which is quite a pertinent question, as if the relationship is serious you would have reasonable grounds to ask why you were being left out.

If you've only been together a few weeks or months, he is being sensible to keep things separate from you.

That being said, I don't think he needs to be spending so much time with the ex either.

Original poster

Disgruntledex · 04/03/2016 17:00

Over a year which is what I put at the top I'm sure I had answered it.

OP posts:

crumblybiscuits · 04/03/2016 17:02

Over a year and you've not met his kids? He's definitely not taking the relationship seriously.

MsMims · 04/03/2016 17:04

Over a year - what's his excuse reason for not introducing you to his children and making you welcome on family days out then?

lighteningirl · 04/03/2016 17:05

They are dating he seriously regrets losing his family whether or not she wants him back he wants her back step away and let them sort it out for their dc sake

BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 04/03/2016 17:05

If he had the capacity, to cheat on the mother of his children, who he'd been with for several years, and where the result of being found out, was his life imploding and losing his family unit, then trust me, you will have NO PROBLEM cheating on you.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/03/2016 17:48

His ex and children matter more to him than you do, end of.Time to walk away with your dignity intact.

Cabrinha · 04/03/2016 17:54

If someone hadn't introduced me to their kids after a year, I'd know they weren't serious about me.
So even without the ex stuff, I'd call time.

You only have to be on this board a short while to see that lots of women stay with cheating arseholes or take them back. So it's quite possible she would have him back - and possibly already thinks she has.

For the posters who think it confuses kids to see divorced parents together - no it doesn't! Kids aren't thick. It's not something I regularly do - more in the first 6 months when we had pre-booked panto, a big family birthday on his side... but occasionally now we'll be seen together at nativity play. If you are very clear with your child that divorce is permanent, it doesn't confuse them. Divorce doesn't have to be adversarial.

ILikeUranus · 04/03/2016 18:39

Oh dear, so he has form for cheating as well? I'd leave tbh.

Surely the kids come first though? As a step-parent OP needs to understand if he feels it's benefitting his children then he should prioritise that.
Absolutely they should come first - for him, and they do. Great. But OP doesn't have to stay in a relationship with him just because he's doing right by his kids. Or for any other reason. She is free to go quick, I'd have left by now!

BunnyTyler · 04/03/2016 18:54

I'm afraid I agree with the others, it looks like he's manoeuvring his way back towards being a family again.

crumblybiscuits · 04/03/2016 18:57

Uranus I was agreeing that if OP was not happy she should leave. I meant he should prioritise them - not OP, especially as she hasn't even met them! I would cut my losses and run too.

ILikeUranus · 04/03/2016 19:40

I see crumbly. I bloody love my username, makes me laugh every time someone calls me Uranus. It's kind of like 'your majesty' but more hilarious!

Original poster

Disgruntledex · 04/03/2016 20:12

If that's tge case then why is he still with me etc ?!

OP posts:

lighteningirl · 04/03/2016 20:24

I am so sorry to be blunt but probably because you are sleeping with him and he's hedging his best.

davidcameroon · 04/03/2016 20:25

As mother of his child she's the Madonna while as the girlfriend you're the whore.
If they were going to reconcile then they would date for a while before living together again. You're a convenient backup/distraction.

NewLife4Me · 04/03/2016 20:36

OP, he's still with you my love because you are allowing him to be.
He doesn't take your relationship seriously at all.
Are you sure they have split and you aren't the ow. It would explain why you haven't met his dc, they don't know you exist.
Leave them to it and get out before you lose your dignity.
I'd hazard a guess he's sleeping with her too.

HeddaGarbled · 04/03/2016 21:29

As a back up option in case she won't have him back.

I'm sorry but it's an old old story. Married man with kids gets bored with marital sex, has novelty sex with new woman, wife finds out and kicks him out or he enjoys novelty sex so much he decides it must be love and leaves wife and kids. After a year, novelty sex not a novelty any more, he's missing wife, children, house. Finances tricky as supporting two households. Regrets affair, tests water with wife re getting back together. Keeps new woman on back burner while he tests the water. Outcome depends on whether wife is receptive or not.

The only difference in your case is you weren't the first new woman, you were the second, presumably because the first one fell through pretty quickly and either he wasn't ready to go back, having had a taste of novelty sex, or she was still too angry to have him back.

HolgerDanske · 04/03/2016 22:00

Yes to everything Hedda said.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/03/2016 23:47

Does he live with you?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 05/03/2016 06:29

Don't ask why he is still with you.

That one is easy, cake + eating it.

Why are you still with him? For whatever reason, he doesn't want you to meet his kids, he is seeing a lot of his ex, and he has form.

You can do better mate.

PS How often do you see him?

Kr1stina · 05/03/2016 06:38

How do you know that he and his wife are separated ? Apart from " that's what he told me " .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5