Hand hold please, this will get nasty

[jayho]

My son told me his father physically assaulted him during contact. He doesn't want to go back 'for a while'.

Ex is EA, FA, extremely manipulative.

I've contacted social services and reported. They are going to risk assess, I think, and get back to me.

Ex is going to go bonkers.

One question, contact was court ordered several years ago, do these orders, like financial orders lapse?

Why didn't you call the police instead of social services?

How old is your son now? If he's been hurt by his dad surely he has the right not to see him.

Surely you need to call the police to report an assault? And that would help in stopping contact?

yes call the police and don't let your son near him in the meantime.

No, the contact order won't have lapsed. Why wouldn't you call the police? Have SS already been involved with your ex?

Let the police 'risk assess' too! Assault is a crime, your child couldn't report it to police so you really must

a lot of ss involvement, generally him accusing me of harming the children, nothing has ever been found and he's listed as a malicious complainant, same with police.

I wasn't sure about the police. I'll call them now, thanks, in a bit of a fog. To be clear, his father hit him, pushed him and made him stay in his room for two days.

Son is 11.

re court order, I'm worried about him enforcing it

Does your son have any visible marks you could photograph?

Poor lad

I've got a nominated officer from previous domestic abuse, I'll see if he's on duty

Your poor DS. That's awful. Call your DV officer now.

Definitely ring police. Your poor DS :( Please give him reassurance that he has done thr right thing in telling you, and that nobody should treat him like this.

hit him round the back of the head, happened last friday, came out in dribs and drabs

Made him stay in his room for two days? That's appalling.

ok, emailed dv officer. Have to feed boys and put to bed now. Thanks for clarity

Your ds is of an age where his wishes will be taken in account with regard to how much, if any, contact he has with his father.

Let SS/the police assess the situation and inform your ds's school and GP of what he alleges took place.

Do you have younger dc and were any of your other dc present when your ds was physically assaulted?

my son was alone when this happened, in his bedroom but younger ds voluntarily corroborated that he was excluded from the family for two days, had to take his meals alone etc.

11yo is clear that he wants 'a break' from contact which i will support. My dv support officer does not seem to be on duty - I've emailed and he's good at responding. I have not made any other police contact so it's just SS and not sure if I should call 101

What a nasty piece if work - your poor son

is this a police matter?

I think it is. You are not allowed to hit someone around the head just because they're related to you.

ok, calling, classic ea victim, think i might be wrong...

Yes I think it is, it sounds like an assault on a minor?

I thought police informed social services and social services informed police about safeguarding issues?

By the way, obviously I feel for your son but I also think, poor you! You must feel awful for him. Thank heavens your son has you to stand up for him, but don't forget that this is difficult for you too. Have a and a bit of sympathy from this internet stranger

thank you, much appreciated, police were great sending someone out tomorrow, they will sync with social services. I have to say I always knew he wouldn't be able to contain his behavior around the children but it's horrible

. I know how that is, when your default position is always to blame yourself. Because that's what someone else has been doing for years.

It is horrible, knowing what your boy's been through, but you had no choice, with the court order. But you're doing great, taking all the right actions. Well done. Take care of yourself too.