My son (22) has always had an aggressive side and tbh I generally feel I have to walk on eggshells with him as he can be unpredictable. Historically he can get angry at inconsequential things and now he is an adult (he's 22 and still living at home) he has turned into the alpha male of the family (I have 2 daughters also living at home).
Last night he and his girlfriend were having a night in, and we had a nice evening watching tv. When he went up to bed, he discovered that one of our dogs had shat on his bed (I'd like to add that this is an unusual thing to have happened and the dogs are house trained). He absolutely exploded, swearing, threatening to 'kick the fucking dog' and generally being aggressive. His gf and I laughed it off, told him not to leave his bedroom door open and between us we changed the bedding. DS continued to shout and rant about chucking the dog down the stairs at which point I told him to stop over-reacting. He began to shout at me to get out of his fucking bedroom. I asked him to not swear and shout at me please, to which he replied fuck off fuck off fuck off repeatedly. I began to back off but decided to alpha him and so stepped into his personal space and said clearly 'please do not speak to your mother like that' he said 'well I just did so fuck off' and pushed me out of his room.
At this point (sorry this is quite long) my younger daughter (19) came into his room and shouted 'do not push her or shout at her like that, she's your mother'. She went to push him back and he grabbed her in a headlock and threw her on the bed holding her in a headlock. I was shouting at him to get off her, but DD said bravely, 'its ok mum, i'm not scared of him'. DD got up and pushed his chest, and he responded by putting his hands around her neck and pushing her out of the bedroom and then shoved her against the wall with his hands round her neck. I was shouting at him to get off her - her face was going red. He let go and shoved her against the wall again and left the house in his car.
Later I heard his GF speaking to him on the phone and he returned and went to bed. They have gone out for the day now with ExH who I have briefly given details of last night to. He said 'I'll deal with it'.
I just don't know what to do. I am so sorry this post is so long and hope that some people may have some advice. Should just add that ExH from whom I am amicably divorced is still very much present in our lives (we divorced 10 years ago).
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abusive son - quite long but desperately need advice
purplenights · 21/02/2016 08:59
Your ExH is an abusive idiot and evidently can't be trusted.
Call the police. This morning.
Protect your daughters, even if you aren't will to stop him to protect yourself. They shouldn't be terrified of being in their own home, and your son needs to know this behaviour is not going to be tolerated.
I know it's hard and that's you're still processing what's happened, but you need to act now. Don't rationalise your way out of it or let him scare you out of it. Don't let anyone have the chance to convince you it won't happen again and that he'll try and change.
Call the police, get him removed then pack his bags and make sure he can't get back in.
You came here for advice and it's been pretty unanimous. You need to protect yourself and your family and that won't happen if he is left to attack you again. If your daughter ed you saying she'd been strangled by her partner you'd be telling her to call the police and get him the hell out of her life. This is no different.
I'm sorry this has happened.
It takes seconds of pressure on the neck in just the right place to kill
You son has seen his father blow his top and get his own way and now he's doing the same.
You're at a crossroads here. You can continue to appease your son and your exh - if you do this, the reaction of your son will be increasing verbal and physical violence. He's done it once and he's gotten away with it. Maybe next time he throttles a bit harder?
Or you can put the safety of your daughters and yourself first. Your son needs to leave the house and you call the police.
You are not helping your son by not calling them. If he gets a sharp shock now he has the possibility of seeing the need to change. If he doesn't, he will escalate and ruin lives (including his own.)
op,
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