Over-reaction to DH?

[CheekyMaleekey]

Last night, DH and I were having playful banter in bed. Nothing sexy, just messing around.

He then got in top of me and started pressing his erect penis against the outside of my vulva, groin area. I said, in a cheery way, that I didn't want to have sex. He persisted anyway, I repeated "No" a few times. He then tried to push it inside me and I said, very forcefully, "I said 'No'!" He then rolled off and said I wasn't a real wife, was crap, and "Who doesn't want to have sex?!"

I was furious. I felt totally disrespected. It isn't the first time he's done this.

He's still in a bad mood about my "over-reaction".

Not an AIBU, but am I over-reacting by feeling that he must have no respect for me?

The OP says she is grateful for Blonde's posts - I'm usually the one on these threads accused of all manner of things because I'm not saying LTB, Call the police, Women's Aid, Clothes in bin liner, change the locks etc etc. although there are some posts where those things are applicable.

Anyfucker - you are telling Blonde she needs to think a bit more before she jumps to conclusions............I think that's true for you too, and many others on the thread.

Absolutely no offence meant.

I just seem to see a lot of threads, where a woman posts something similar, and then she is almost bullied into leaving her DH.

I was on one the other day, where I tried to be objective. Tried to see both sides. For a balanced view. I was forced off the thread. Fine, no biggy. The last post by the Op, said she did NOT feel she was abused and she wanted to stay with her DH. She left the thread quite upset. Imo, it was because the responses to her post, were so off the wall. She was told that she was abused, but nothing in her post even remotely suggested that. It was weird! I didn't return to post, but found it an interesting outcome.

But of course, you could be right AF It's just that some stuff people post, just would not be a big deal at all in our house. If my DH rolled on to me with a hard on, then I said no and he rolled off and got arsy, I would NOT think that I had been raped. I would think "fuck off dick". We'd be frosty for a bit and then it would be forgotten.

I think there can be, by other users, some projection, if they have been abused themselves.

The thing is, when someone posts here, we only get a teeny tiny snapshot of a situation.

Op, if you feel that he has over stepped the mark (and only you will really know), then of course you can leave the relationship. It is your decision, and yours only. No one on here can really know, as we weren't there.

for you.

Nana

I think if Blonde had any insight at all (and I believe she does) she would discount your validation.

Blonde...who said OP had been raped ?

I actually like Nana Nina

AF Upthread.

Why would a bloke get "arsey" if he was refused sex ?

Do you think that is ok blonde ? Is that what happens in your relationship ? If you don't want sex you give in so he doesn't get "arsey" or you excuse him when he does ?

That doesn't sound much like a "Ronseal Man" to me

OK, I give up on you blonde.

if you prefer to align yourself with someone like Nana who has repeatedly manpleased, mansplained and minimised sexual abuse on Mumsnet that is of course your prerogative.

However, you should expect all your manpleasing posts to be picked up on just like hers are. Not a great place to be, I would have thought.

Actually no, it's me who can get a bit arsey, if I fancy DTD and he doesn't. He is never like that with me. When I am ovulating, I am a bit of a Predator!

ugh

I think you nailed it in your OP. It's disrespect. You said no, clearly, multiple times; he still persisted with the intent you'd give in to him and then punished you and made it your fault when you wouldn't. From what you're saying, this is not a one off surprise that's out of character.

As AF said, not you; him. If he can't see the problem with this then it's not looking like this is a good relationship for you.

Righty-o

Nice way to take over the thread ladies.

Peace and love folks.

Do any of you think is helpful in any way to the op?

OP, you are not over-reacting. It is not OK to try to force sex on you when you're saying No. It's not ok to hurl verbal abuse at you when you struggle away from him.

Despite what another poster has said here, there are not two sides to this story - No means No. There is no excuse for what he did.

More than one person has been nasty. If you want to debate your points please one of you start a thread to do that. This thread is about a confused and unhappy woman who needs support whatever decision she might make and its not appropriate to have this conversation here.

Blond

Give it up. You're not helping the OP and making only yourself look stupid.

Plus your fan club is an embarrassment.

It's not okay what he did at all OP. It is especially vile given what was done to you in the past.

The name he called you, 'broken wife', is very cruel given your background of abuse

AF - I always trust your judgement. You get straight to the point. I guess some people can't take your bluntness? I find you always serve it with a side dish of kindness

The last post by the Op, said she did NOT feel she was abused and she wanted to stay with her DH

If you're using that as justification Blonde it just goes to show how little you know and how damaging your words could be to anyone who is a victim in an abusive relationship.

One thing most of us who have been in abusive relationships is delayed realization that we are in an abusive relationship.

Of course there's the conditioning to abuse where it's done subtly and bit by bit so it's seen as normal (boiling frog analogy) and not abuse. Then there's the realization that what he's doing isn't right but the making excuses for him because of disbelief it's abuse or non acceptance that we are victims who have not seen it coming and therefore blame ourselves.

That's the short version, my rape (unlike the IP my partner found his target) and denial even after that of being in a abusivive relationship would not have the truth, despite it being the truth to me at the time. I think you need to be very careful when posting on matters this serious that you don't have a clue about.

You aren't over reacting, it all sounds horrible.
The trouble some men is that they make you feel emotionally weaker, and then that makes it harder to think of leaving.

Op

You said this has happened before, so why hasn't he changed his behaviour?

It doesn't matter what anyone days on here, this had unsettled you enough that you have felt the need to write on here for advise, why did you need confirmation that His behaviour was inappropriate?

Apart from the obvious issue, I woukdbe concerned that knowing g your history he still does this to you and then when you point it out yo him he turns it on you.....surely that is abusive

If you can't get him to see that this us wrong then yes I would seriously consider staying with him

Joysmum