Over-reaction to DH?

[CheekyMaleekey]

Last night, DH and I were having playful banter in bed. Nothing sexy, just messing around.

He then got in top of me and started pressing his erect penis against the outside of my vulva, groin area. I said, in a cheery way, that I didn't want to have sex. He persisted anyway, I repeated "No" a few times. He then tried to push it inside me and I said, very forcefully, "I said 'No'!" He then rolled off and said I wasn't a real wife, was crap, and "Who doesn't want to have sex?!"

I was furious. I felt totally disrespected. It isn't the first time he's done this.

He's still in a bad mood about my "over-reaction".

Not an AIBU, but am I over-reacting by feeling that he must have no respect for me?

Irrelevant to what my Dh did, but as a child I was coerced into sexual activity with an adult several times (same adult), which makes me wonder if I do over-react. It makes me feel so invaded and alone.

Having children with a sexually coercive man is a reason to go not stay

AnyFucker, if you read my post at 21:46, you will see that I was imagining a different scene.

Does your H know about the sexual abuse you underwent as a child ?

You are not over reacting.

Your H was completely out of order. He continued to be completely out of order by calling you 'broken wife' and making out that you were at fault and not him. You weren't.

If his behaviour is generally bad, as you have indicated, I would be making an exit plan. This is no life to live

Blonde I really think you should think just a little bit more before you jump to conclusions about what the "man's side" of a situation like this might be.

By the time women post here they are often at the end of their tether and have undergone many boundary-crossing experiences. It would be very unusual for someone to post about the first time they were in a situation where the sexual wires might have just got a bit crossed.

Suspend your disbelief and look up "I believe you".

Yes it is him and not you. Some blokes think its their marital right to be given sex. The arsehole.

Blonde

"If play fighting in the past has led to this outcome, why are you repeating it?"

Are you serious?!
This is NOT the OP's fault.

Some women think that too.

Anyfucker
Yes and some women too but we are talking about a bloke here so lets not split hairs

I'm grateful for Blonde's posts. She made sense and it's good to see another viewpoint. She can only go on my tiny description, after all.

He does know if my childhood abuse, Anyfucker. Just before DH and I were married, the perpetrator was prosecuted for a similar crime against another child (he's an old man in prison now).

He seems not to realise that his expectations and behaviour are unreasonable.Sounds like he thinks it is ok.
Unless his ideas change neither will this situation.
I don't know how this can happen though..Talking it through in a few days? Writing a letter? Email? Counselling? You leaving?
It might take a big step to make him realise if the obvious things have failed.

If your H knows about your abuse, love, his behaviour is even worse

It doesn't matter whether it's once a week or once a decade. He should still back off the moment you say No.

We weren't play fighting, we were going over something funny our DS has done at an after-school club. Just having a giggle.

I think I'll look into counselling for the two of us. He won't listen to me, so this may work.

Would he accept counselling ?

Believe it or not I'm a feminist and would say all the powerful things you're saying to me to any other woman. Thanks everyone. I needed to read all of this, to give myself a boot up the arse.

I doubt he would Anyfucker, but I'll give it a go.

Only joking my arse!

He tried to push inside you even though you had said no - if you had sighed and given up protesting at that point, he would have continued. That's how much of a joke it was.

Why not look into counselling for your own self ?

It isn't actually recommended that you have joint sessions with someone who crosses your sexual boundaries in this way

I am sorry but I can't let blonde's thinking go unchallenged.

Even if you were playfighting, no means no.

Even if you have playfought before, and it led to sex then, if you said no this time, no means no.

No means no. Always. Please dont try to blur things that are entirely straightforward.

I'm under no illusion that he would have entered me if I hadn't physically squirmed away and pushed him off.

I think I'm ok without counselling. I'd just like him to hear that I'm not hysterical.

Yes I agree. If he said "No" at any point, I would stop immediately. No question about it.

A joint counsellor would not do that.

You have to accept that for yourself with no reference to him