Thanks everybody, I have been readign all day but was working so couldn't reply.
Garlic That was an amazing post and it's exactly like that. Giving you inconsistent reassurance or whatever makes you feel mad. Jst like endlessly chucking money in a fruit machine.
For everyone else, thanks for answering the question that basically the chemistry doesn't mean anything. I am still early enough in to get out without it hurting too much.
Siri I read your thread all the way through and can I just say that I completely understand how you got to feeling the way you do. It's a sort of mental torture to be given just enough but not quite because you feel like you need to work for affection and it makes you feel not good enough.
Both other times I was "in love" I felt very secure, comfortable and happy and this is a different sort of feeling where he makes me feel "less than", and exactly like you I genuinely didn't even like him. He had to chase me for ages.
I think it's a sort of mild abuse, like stratgies to control someone's mind. I understand you feel addicted - I do too - I hope you can work through it because there's nothing wrong with you.
To answer the earlier question I am 37 and no, have never gone for bad boys at all. He's not a bad boy, he is just an emotionless selfish prick who is sort of weak and insecure. It was genuinely just a case of him devoting a long period of time to making me feel like he thought I was wonderful, and that he was a great human being and then him suddenly withdrawing that in fits and starts.
I think someone said earlier than this hot /cold seems to be popular nowadays and I thought about that all afternoon.
I thinkpart of it is out culture nowadays where they can get sex without dates.
Another part is mobile phones and the ability they have to now keep a woman hanging with a few texts well placed.
Another part is dating sites making men who would otherwise fucking crap at picking up a woman at work suddenly viable for getting a buffet of women.
The whole lot is just contributing to a problem of emotionally damaged, shallow men taking advantage of women who are maybe a bit vulberable for whatever reason. It would never have worked 20 years ago.
I am going to get the hell out of this relationship, despite the chemistry, because I don't want amazing sex if it's with someone I have no future with. It was just that the amazing sex and physical /emotional / hormonal connection was extremely strong for me and it made me feel wonderful feelings that I think distracted my brain from the fact that a lot of the time he's just an inconsiderate, selfish wanker.
Also, you know, when someone does blow hot and cold on you it messes with your mind to the level that you don't even get angry at them because you are trying to play nice to get their love back.
Sick really...