The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

Yep demented that's exactly it. Kind of wondering why I'm putting self through this.

Stepped it's great to be able to watch films all the way through and remember them the next day isn't it. Simple pleasures. Like going to bed at 10pm with a good book and getting a good night's sleep, waking up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. These are things that we take for granted when we have them and we forget how much happier we are when we aren't struggling through the fog of a hangover.

No, they aren't massive, amazing changes but they make all the difference. The more we do it, the easier it becomes and the easier it becomes, the better we feel. It's worth it.

Claret you managed your holiday in Iceland without going over the top with drink and it probably wasn't just the cost of it, more like the company and the occasion. This proves that you are able to drink more moderately. It will come. Don't give up, just keep trying. If it turns out that you can't drink at all then you will be ok with it. By the time you reach that decision you will be ready for it and prepared to deal with it. It may never happen. Just take one day at a time and stick with us x

made how are things with you? Have you finished for Easter break now?

MsGee check in if you can x

Ma have you started looking around for something else or can't you face it yet? What does dh say about it, is he supportive at all or are you having to manage this crap all on your own? We're here if you want to offload/chat/rant x

That's what you need to answer stepped. List all the negatives of drinking which brought you here in the first place. Do you want those things in your life or do you want to get rid of them?
And how much do you want it?

Hi faire. Yes, I'm looking but nothing so far...we are promised an answer this week. I think I'm too tired to care anymore.
Dh doesn't seem overly concerned. Still happy for me to bear the brunt of the housework etc. I think he's just ignoring the very harsh reality of the situation. Apparently everything will be fine...

Thanks Ma I know I am a bit of a lurker but you words ring true to me.

In a way he is right I think, everything will be fine. But that doesn't stop the stress of worrying, the tiredness of sleepless nights or the anxiety of having to cope. How is the infection now, all cleared up? This uncertainty has probably been the underlying cause as it's been going on for ages. Look after yourself, try to rest as much as you can and take multivitamins. At least you'll know one way or another soon

Hi,

I was directed here via a thread I started earlier today. Too hungover and ashamed to type it out again, so here's the link - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/2596157-I-hate-myself-and-my-drinking?

Not sure if here is where I should be, but here I am, for now at least. Off to have a proper read through, but just thought Id say hello.

Hi Walkie, welcome! I could have written your post - I also don't have a stop button. my latest terrible episode was Friday. Feeling really down about it.

Be kind to yourself today and have a think about what you'd like to do moving forward.

Day 1 here. I need a period of abstinence - I've had a drink pretty much everyday this month and feel dreadful for it. I need to figure out what to do - I can't carry on being such an embarrassment.

Morning Babes

I'm an idiot

I do hate myself right now. Not as much as when I woke up at 6am this morning in a blind panic, realising I hadn't cleaned up the bathroom after throwing up everywhere last night.

The sink was filthy and STANK of vomit. I'm paranoid that DH or DD got up in the night and saw it. And I don't know if Maybe they heard me being ill. When I say "being ill" I mean sticking my fingers down my throat several times, because in some tortured logic I think it will stop me feeling so drunk.

I haven't been that drunk for maybe a year. Feel totally disgusted with myself.

The sick was dark because it was chocolate Baileys (which wasn't even that nice!) it looked disgusting. I'm replaying it over and over in my mind. Making myself vomit - no wonder my teeth are in bad shape. The dentist hinted at bulimia of course I don't do it when sober - nothing to do with food or weight.

Thought I was doing so well, my drinking was under control (mostly) am full of self loathing

joey big hug. The day after regrets are just the worst, I am still having them myself.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over. You said yourself it was going really well, consider it a bump in the road. I don't know your back story sorry, have you been af for a while before last night or do you moderate?

I'm still in a muddle about what to do moving forward - I can just see this getting worse and worse, and causing real issues in the future. Is the simpler option to just not drink? I have had this conversation so many times I'm bored of it. Well and truly fed up.

Today I feel awful, both physically and mentally. I've hidden the fact that I was sick last night and am trying to carry on as normal. Eating food is hard, drinking water is hard. My children are driving me insane by just being children. It's not their fault they're driving me crazy of course.

I need to stop drinking red wine. Or probably all wine. It's my downfall.

Hi Guys. Sitting at airport waiting to go home. Had a great weekend with my friends but of course too much alcohol. Drank yesterday from 3pm to 3am. No vomiting but that is one of my vices as well. I feel guilty and try and rid myself of units. Thinking I'm doing myself a favour How about not drinking so much in the first place??? Sounds so easy in writing. Tomorrow is Day 1 of AF week.

Hello to all the people I haven't heard from before. This place will help you. Last week I manged 3 AF days. Next week it will be 4. I HOPE!!!

Oh and please let's not say we hate ourselves. How about we hate the drinking!!!

Sending you all lots of love not hate

Just checking in..
Feel really bad for those of you having a hard time of it. I like what Wish said - it's what the drinking does to us we should hate, not ourselves.

I'm moderating ok. The case of wine my DH bought is manageable because it's like it's not mine to drink unless he offers me some so even though I crave it, I don't have it unless I'm offered it and because he drinks far less it is having a good impact.

Welcome to the bus walkie
joey you OK, sweets?

Massive fail last night here too. Nothing was said this morning but I have no idea how I got to bed last night (staying in hotel with friends), and remember nothing apart from some drunken over sharing. Had managed the weekend well up to that point so kicking myself now. Have a couple of bruises I can't remember getting too, but too scared to ask.

Unbelievably hungover and anxious today. Have just had a three hour train journey home which was hell. Throwing up in the toilet of a moving train is not an experience I ever want to repeat (classy!).

Back to work tomorrow on nights so forced moderation for me but need to try and get the courage to try a few AF days soon. Clearly not very in control of this.

I'm so scared of what I'm doing to my myself. I know the risks, I've seen first hand the worst case scenarios, I understand in detail what alcohol can do to every system of my body but yet I don't stop. Just shows how powerful it is I guess.

Sorry so many of you seem to be struggling this weekend too. Hope everyone manages to have a peaceful evening.

Hi there lovely babes,

My heart goes out to all of you having that horrible regretful next day feeling, God I remember it so well it sent shivers down my spine. The good news is that you will all feel better tomorrow, don't be hard on yourself , you haven't committed a crime, killed anyone or even hurt anyone except maybe yourself I used to sit all day wishing it was tomorrow when I was hungover. wishing my bloody life away. I know you all know my sobriety was enforced ( I was killing myself and hurting my family) but let me tell you deciding to be sober for a week, month whatever is I believe so much easier than trying to moderate. It is of course very tough at the start but all the thinking about when, where, how much, how often which I've also tried and is bloody exhausting.

Let's be honest, if we knew how to moderate we never would have ended up here!!

It's like knowing your local shop has a stock of your favourite chocolates and you can't buy them til Friday, then on Friday you buy them but can only have 2 gorgeous mouthfuls but as the enjoyment builds you need to put them away and wait patiently, fantasise, worry how much your fantasising then desire overwhelms you and you eat the whole lot, you puke most of them up and spend the rest of the weekend feeling crushing disappoint at ruining your hard work at your excercise and healthy eating plan and horrible tummy pains cos of your excess and hate yourself for wasting a whole week's bloody energy on a box of chocolates!!!!!

Sometimes it's just easier to have a banana instead....

Love and hugs to you all, I could have written every post in my past life, now 6 months sober and still loving bananas xxxx

What a brilliant post Jane. That's really made me think. It's like smoking. I had to stop full stop but I did it. I'd never manage to have one now and again because I can't moderate! You're right! My new motto is going to be that sometimes it's just easier to have a banana!

baby you are so so so so right. Bananas are a much better choice. But, even though I know that, the thought of being af forever scares me. God knows why when my logical mind knows it's by far the best option for me. But I am going to take it one day at a time. Day 1 is almost done.

One of my main concerns at the moment is that my dd is currently too young to notice my drinking but that'll change within the next year or so. That scares me witless. I really need to make this change and it needs to be sooner rather than later.

elba I have unidentified bruises too...embarrassing isn't it. Hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. It must have been horrid being sick on the train.

bicycle well done on your restraint with your dh's wine, that must be hard!!!

claret it definately wasn't my finest moment! The bruises might of been amusing 15 years ago, but I'm in my 30s now and should really know better. Well done for getting yourself back on track and doing day 1, and hope you still enjoyed your weekend away despite your blip.

I also know baby is right. I can't moderate. I have no off switch. But even one day scares the life out of me, let alone a lifetime without alcohol. So many times I've promised myself that I will get it under control so that I can continue to have the odd glass of wine but it doesn't happen.

Wow jane what an inspirational post. Massive well done on 6 months and I love the bananas thought.

claret your post resonated with me as I too want to sort out my drinking before DC become aware. It's a bug driver.

spanna my hand holding babe, I hope you get some time to chill out.

Today is day 9 and I nearly caved. DH bought a bottle of wine and offered me some. I don't know why I can't be honest with him about how worried I am about my drinking. Anyway it took all my resolve, but I said I want to cut down as I've been so ill recently, and my immune system is shot. Then I had to walk to the shop to get pet food and all the way there I thought about buying wine.

So although I'm proud I resisted I'm depressed at how near I came. Not sure I will have the willpower next time.

Cunning be proud, very proud although I have no DH or DP what I say to my close circle of family & friends, 'I'm a better person without the booze' & although they look at me in disbelief (always was life & soul of the party, egg everyone else to drink as much as me, no control at all) They have now got their heads around the fact that I won't be drinking. I've had friends saying 'go on Spanna one won't hurt, start again tomorrow' etc etc little shits

Don't think of it as 'forever' I couldn't have done as long as I have, if I thought it was forever

Will everyone stop saying they've failed YOU HAVEN'T FAILED. It's a blip & you can ALWAYS get back on the bus

The first few days are the hardest (well they were for me) I'd get to Day 3 & cave, again & again & again my logic was 'well I've done 2 days FFS I now need a reward
I have a long list of benefits for me of not drinking. Like many of you I simply have no 'off' button, once I'm on it I will not stop and won't stop. So enough was enough, my moment came the day after my birthday last year, on the day I got hammered & felt like complete pants the next day and hear I am to tell the tale. The thinking that I always return to is 'watch the film to the end' for me it was never a pretty sight and I realise now that I really don't like myself when I'm drinking, she is not the person I want to be.
Sorry I'm babbling and I hope I make sense . This bus is an awesome place and I for one love it x

Beaches hugs to you lovely one x

Baby great post. You sound so strong babe. Hope decorating is finished?

Joey darling babe just wanting to send hugs. Dust yourself down lovely, look at it as a minor blip in the scheme of things. You are doing so so well, keep at it, last night just confirmed to you how shit drinking can be x

Right, old fat fingers here is getting pissed off with correcting typos on my phone Arrrrrgh x

Still sober..it's getting easier. My fall off the wagon helped me realize it was actually going to end up killing me.