The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

How is everyone this morning ? It felt like a busy night! I crashed out at ten. Still Ill (anyone spot the link to a new posters name there?) and have a lovely cold sore up my nose!!! special hope you are ok get that BP checked out.

Thank you for the welcome. You are all amazing. I've been on every seat on this bus it seems and I'm trying to moderate at the moment. I'm giving myself 4 months and then it's my b day 49. The I'll have to stop altogether if it hasn't worked. This week is not a good one as going away this weekend but will count my units.

I need to do this NOW, DH isn't well and I need to be together for DC.

No one knows I'm struggling which shows how devious I've been.

This is my first reach out and hopefully now it's down in writing I will finally wake up to my issues.

Morning babes, jumping firmly back on the bus. Way way too much alcohol on Sunday evening, just could not find the stop button. Day 2 for me today.

Waves to all babes?

Hi obrigada welcome back lovely to see you. Settle in have a cuppa. Hello to free. I've lost the phone version of MN and struggling to use the web one as I only post from my phone. Grrr. Wish I was better at technology!!

Good morning you wonderful babes,

Our lovely bus is moving so fast I can hardly keep up but as always I'm very very proud to be part of this amazing club and I'm touched by the warmth and compassion you all share even though life carries its own burdens for all of you.

I remember when I first posted I was on a bottle maybe a bottle and a half a night and could not imagine a time I could give that up, all day I fantasised about it, drank it within 3 hours and spent all during the night despairing about it, all the next morning regretting it and by the afternoon back to step 1. What a waste of time and energy. Then it descended into much worse!!! I used to feel such sympathy and compassion for ma's brother Richard who was at the end of the line through alcoholism and what I didn't realise is I would end up the exact same way!!!

The withdrawal for me was horrendous because at the stage I was at it was bottles and bottles a day/night:during the night until I ended up in hospital.

Strangely it was for the best because I CANNOT drink, I have worked very hard to rebuild my amazing family's, daughters' and dh's faith in me and have had a team of professionals build me back up that if I fail, I will lose it all, them all and possibly my life, such was the severity of my binges.

That means no moderating, no will I won't I, should I shouldn't I. I just don't drink!! I cannot be trusted, that's a very sad thing to admit but I accept it as my truth.

When I read the posts from our lovely new babes, I wish I could jump in to my phone and out of yours to hug you and tell you you can do this because if I can, you can and whilst life is far from perfect it is simpler and kinder sober.

I miss the wonderful first glass euphoria, that feeling that temporarily removes me from the mundane realities of my life, I sometimes hate feeling I have nowhere to hide when the world is unkind to me, I've actually gained weight through my bipolar meds and I hate that too, there are many many challenges of being married to a manchild, having a teenage daughter and a very hyper 5 year old, bipolar and severe Crohn's BUT absolutely none of these issues would be helped in any way by drinking my way to oblivion, I have tried many times going to oblivion but you can't stay there, it's a shit road back, I can tell you that for sure!!!

Through all the professional help I have received the resounding message is "look after yourself" "be kind to yourself" I'm still trying to work out how but I know I ended up where I did because I stopped caring about myself, physically and mentally, wine is just the bandaid that helps for a while but gets ripped back off again and again. Maybe it's best to expose our wound and let it dry up (ironic I know) let it breathe, deal with the itch that follows and then be amazed to see it heal....

At the risk of sounding dramatic remember wine is a poison, it makes us feel drunk because it paralyses our brain cells, it makes us feel wretched and sick because it IS poison, it's a legal poison which is how it tricks us into thinking it's ok but it's really no better than any street drug.

Would you give your kid poison knowing they will vomitt and feel anxious and tearful at your own hand???? Of course not do why do we do it to ourselves???

Anyway I'm prattling on now I really just want you all to know I think your all amazing, super brave and to share your innermost thoughts to help others you don't even know is bloody amazing...

This bus is a truly magical place xxx

Lobster, I'm not sure where the craving came from, but I know the strength to stop was from the bus .

Pop, poor you, hope you're better soon.

Special, you should get checked out, you don't want to add more stress to your load.

Wish, you will get all the support you want on here. I recognise hiding the struggle, if you are the person people look to for strength, it can be really tough.

Small, hope you're ok, don't hide if you are struggling, you too Isinde. Made I presume you're working hard, just check in to say you're ok.

Right, off to work.

What an amazing an inspiring post baby I feel like crying. Life isn't very kind sometimes which is why we wallow in alcohol to forget. But I know it won't be any better struggling on with hangovers and crippling anxiety.

Thank you sweet yes it's true. Pretending to be strong is a whole other thing I'm dealing with. Nice to be here.

X-Posted.

Baby, life is simpler sober. I can't moderate either. If the bottle is open, it's empty. And it's important I remember that as I have just received an email that a uni event I am going to tomorrow has a wine reception before hand - and I have to be there as DH is chairing part of it. I have to plan to take my own soft drinks because tap water and warm orange juice just doesn't do it for me.

Obrigada forgot to say welcome back - still over doing the coffee as well?

Wish think of it like the airplane emergency procedure - ensure your mask is firmly fixed before helping anyone else!

sweet your garden is going to be beautiful. Pictures please! Wish I had more than a small London yard with a pretend lawn!! Well done on not drinking that wine that is brilliant. Like you margie I am only managing 2/3/4 days AF then weekend drinking from moderate to binge depending on the social circumstances. Craving a longer spell off but stress of house move is a brilliant excuse I'm making. Maybe if it all works out I'll commit to 100 days. small are you lurking and how are you doing sweetheart? made what's the latest ?

At the moment, Pop, it looks like a scene from WW1 - SweetDog has been excavating the lawn , but I will post once it's looking better.

I am being sorely tested, I was just given a bottle of pinot grigio as a thank you, I have locked it in my filing cabinet until I can find someone to pass it onto without offending the giver.

Hi babes lots to catch up on here! Hope everyone who struggled last night feels super proud of themselves for not giving in - waking up having not drunk is a great feeling.

Day 1 here...got back from holiday on Sunday and haven't managed to be af until today, turns out the daily drinking habit sets in quickly having drunk freely on holiday. But anyway, today is the first of 3 af days before a girly weekend away where I will moderate. I can't remember the last time I went to a weekend away and didn't drink myself into oblivion the first night - determined that won't be the case this time. It's a rare baby free weekend and i will enjoy it hangover free.

Sorry I can't name check, just on my lunch break so pushed for time. Welcome to any newbies though, you are in the right place for lots of support and hand holding.

Thanks venus I felt good this morning waking up feeling refreshed and not in the general awful mood I do when I've drank the night beforehand.

Today's been pretty busy. I am glad I kept sober for it yesterday.

I apologise if I've missed anyone out, this thread moves at speed of lightening lol.

Sweet good for you for passing the bottle on. It's temptation if you keep it isn't it?

Claret good you have a plan in place. It's hard to stick to it, but you will feel better if you do (and not hungover).

Hi to everyone, waves to you all :)

sweet mentally don't take ownership of the bottle, it is merely passing through you to someone else....pass it on ASAP, I find my resolve weakens as the day goes on.

winter great you're feeling fresh and well for your busy day. So much better isn't it?!

Thank you for the welcome.

Well I didn't stop in the shop and buy wine on the way home from work and that's a first for a long time!

White wine is my poison of choice and the only one where there seems to be no off switch in me. I have also been devious and I don't think anybody really realised how much I was drinking. I've really got to get it under control - I have young kids and a husband who has put up with more than enough.

Funnily enough when I'm not drinking I really enjoy it. I love being the sparkly person full of energy. I feel proud of myself and it feels good. So why do I do this to myself?

Hi all. Hope everyone's having a good day and well done to everyone who resisted temptation last night!

Bit of a draining but ultimately positive day here. Finally had counselling session this morning, and think I will be able connect with her which I've struggled with before. Can't cope with people being too 'sympathetic' with me and she was fairly matter of fact which I hope might mean a good match as I really struggle to open up. However despite being totally honest about everything else, I still didn't admit the extent of my drinking. I'm terrified of being labeled officially as having issues with alcohol as having it on my medical records could potentially cause a big problem with work now and in the future. That said the blood tests I'm still putting off getting done could potentially put my GP in the picture anyway.

So whilst I'm starting to deal with what has caused my drinking, and other issues, I'm still not really engaging with anyone in real life to help change the behaviour. I've decided that this therefore has to be my final attempt to deal with this on my own, and if I'm still not managing by the summer then I will come clean to my GP and engage with whatever is suggested which I really really don't want to have to do.

i realised that today was the first day in the last two weeks where I've managed to get up, dressed and out before lunchtime at least on a day off. Partly this is as I'm knackered from work, but it's also as I'm generally always hanging in the morning! So from today im starting over with tracking (which I've been avoiding) and taking it day by day. I have work tomorrow and I'm tired from the last two days, so hopefully will manage an early night and a moderate amount of alcohol.

Also had an appointment at the bank- just some general juggling around of a loan etc, but the woman did comment about where most my money went. If I didn't drink/smoke I wouldn't be in debt, and if I can cut down both I know I will save a fortune. I have debts that I'm trying to sort by the end of the year, so I'm trying to think of this as extra motivation.

claret I also have a girly weekend away this week. Just have to get through tomorrow then have four days off, which I really need. I'm also determined to moderate and be able to enjoy the days as well as the night. There will be wine, but I'm going to soak it up with some good food and try and keep a really close eye on how much I'm having.

Sorry for the essay, feeling a bit weird and overwhelmed and needed to try and organise my thoughts a bit.

elba you sound motivated and organised. You have a plan and a counsellor. That's excellent news.

Thanks pop. Think things came to a bit of a head in the last few weeks so I have to make the decision to either try and get well or to allow myself to totally self destruct. I going to try and get well.

Elba, I could have written your post some years back. You sound exactly as I used to feel and don't let that put you off. Many people can and do cope on their own without intervention, which is admirable - and many need to seek outside help, which is also admirable. The main thing is to accept that there is a problem, however you choose to deal with it and, as pop says, you sound as if you have a plan.

I've no idea what you do but is your concern about your medical records and your position at work really an issue (that is certainly not contradicting you, by the way). I've worked in a number of fields, private and public sector, and have friends who are doctors, probation officers, directors of companies, in politics - where there are issues with drink and it's not impacted as such on their careers. I relate regarding the "no sympathy, please" but I tend to make that clear from the start.

Could you get your blood tests done privately? I once went to The Priory to have them done .... just to give me a shock. These days I have them done annually but there are no secrets now between my GP and me. The Hippocratic oath still applies ..... I'm concerned that you're not seeking help because of confidentiality reasons.

I'll try not to ramble on. I'm still having cravings tonight - and to be honest, much of today. My issues are boredom and complacency and as someone said above (elba?), I'm so much happier and more productive and more of a "real" person when I've been sober for a few weeks that I still fail to recognise what draws me back in.

baby that was a fantastic post - thank you.

I'm so happy to read and see that people are holding on as best they can.

Hi lobster and thank you. I hope your cravings settle and you can have a peaceful evening. The thing with confidentiality really is a genuine issue for me. Confidentiality is not as absolute as people think, and the GMC is pretty clear on the need to disclose information in the public interest. So I would be totally in the hands of GP's assessment of my fitness to practice, and she could in theory inform occupational health without my consent. This is why I need to have one last go at sorting this out. I will get bloods done as I have a follow up with her and a hunch that my thyroid may be playing up, and possibly may be a bit anaemic so would be silly not to do it through GP. I'm just being a bit of a wimp and putting it off!

Just realised my post makes it sound like I'm a danger to people/ unsafe at work. I'm honestly honestly not, I have always managed to moderate the night before work and would phone in sick if I'd really overdone it. I've never been tempted to drink at work and if I felt I wasn't safe or effective I wouldn't go in. I've perfected drinking and functioning over the years, although the line is getting finer, but I'd never compromise anyone. It's what I do after work and on days off that is the issue. If anything makes me unsafe it's the bloody hours which I have no control over and are only set to get worse

elba i for one have never doubted your competency to do your work. Quite the opposite. You go to the ends of the earth to ensure that you drink moderately on the days before you work, you have said yourself that is the one time you find it 'easier' to drink within defined limits. Addressing your issues and being proactive is a really positive move, i think setting yourself the deadline of the summer to get yourself in a happier place is a good one.

Thinking of all your lovely babes

elba sounds really tough - if you can't be honest with people in high places, as it were - kind of Big Brother. In that case just post and post here ... always someone around. And thank you - I am ok; the psychology essay that DD is doing has vaguely taken over. In addition I am trying to work out whether a piece of furniture will fit up my stairs - I'm not sure how this works but I'm damned if I'm going to consult any male friend who might know about measurements, so I'm in that kind of "I like it so it'll fit" mood.

Oh and have just been informed by DD that we need to visit Nottingham and Warwick. I thought the university stuff was over!

Everyone else, have a lovely evening.