The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

I'm sorry for letting you down babes. I went to tesco and bought a bottle of wine, lemoade and some doritos and am halfway through the wine.

Then, I suggest, clean your teeth - dorritos stick horribly. Put the wine in the fridge and as Ma said go to to bed. I am going now. Goodnight.

I've realised why I shouldn't drink. Gone past the having fun stage and am sick as a dog. Feel awful,

Made are you ok? Hoping you got some sleep after your last post xxx

MsGee welcome back. Sorry you are having tough times xxx (wraps duvet round Made and MsGee, puts kettle on and creeps round getting ready for work)

Joey welcome back and share round those opal fruits

Made hope you are OK this morning.

I drank too last night but just one beer, so I'm taking that as progress, not beating myself up and coming up with a better plan for tonight.

good morning Made I hope you are feeling better and have a good day to day.

Morning All.

Welcome to Plant, one year is just lots of minutes strung together. Try not to project forward, practice some mindfulness and concentrate on how you feel now, in the moment.

And a Big welcome back MsGee, you've had a terrible couple of years, snuggle down, one beer is impressive moderation.

Made, I know you are cross with your friends about AA, but please read back over your posts for the last week, you are FAB when you are sober, but self-destructive and hopeless when you are drinking. I know it's difficult when so much of undergrad life is about socialising with alcohol, and it doesn't seem fair if everyone else is doing it, but you need some support in RL. AA may not be the answer, it's not for me, but I have other places to go for help. Your University will have a counseling service that has a substance abuse specialist; they have seen and heard it all, it will be totally confidential. You only have a few weeks left at Uni, you don't want to look back and feel you lost it. I hope you don't feel too terrible this morning.

I woke up to parts of a mouse on the kitchen floor (again), and there is obviously another one somewhere in the living room because the dog is going crazy - we didn't have mice before we got a cat!!.

Last night, after getting a phone call from DS's science teacher, worried about his falling grades and attitude (bloody hell, here we go again), DH asked if there was anything I wanted from the shop.
"Yes, a bottle of wine",
"You're joking about the wine?"
"No, I want one, but no thanks"

It's a good job he asked, because he doesn't usually, he just gets it. This morning I am so grateful for an AF evening.

Ho Hum, time I got on, otherwise this post will fill the thread .

Oh dear Sweet, well done on resisting. The day can only get better

MsGee you have been through a lot, so sorry to hear that it's been difficult. I've also lost both of my parents during that time but not much else has changed except I've practically given up drinking and am having longer and longer breaks inbetween. Feeling better for it too.

Claret Iceland sounds so exotic, do tell us all about it if you get a chance.

Margie You ok?

Have a good day babes, catch up with you all later x

Forgot to say . . .

[jealous] Claret, have a fab time in Iceland.

I'm ok, thanks everyone. I managed to get some sleep last night, although I kept waking up. I feel a bit light headed atm but ok except for that.

I am so frustrated at myself. I make all these grand promises, and I do mean them, but when it comes to im not strong enough to resist the bottle when I'm feeling down. I feel so bloody weak and annoyed at myself. What must the taxi driver have thought, because I certainly wasn't sober when I got it to Tesco. I don't want to use drink as a coping mechanism but it's so hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. I'm a disgrace.

made are you okay?

Hi everyone

AF night last night, feeling okay really. This morning I am intending to study a little and do some baking this afternoon then will scoff all baked goodies later

How is everyone else?

made I make big promises too at times but then don't keep to them. I have felt the bottle is bigger than me sometimes, and I have no willpower to resist it. I've found that drink makes me feel amazing when I'm drunk, but when it comes around to the next day I feel awful emotionally. It never takes away the problems I've had, just masks them for a few hours. I need to learn to accept that. I need to accept that alcohol is only making things worse, not better for me. My personal life problems are still there even with alcohol in my body.
Can you have an AF night tonight? Just to let your body recover? Please eat something too, even if it's small. It'll help with the light headed feeling.
I know it's only words on a screen, but there are lots of lovely people here for you (myself included). Big hugs.

Well done, Winter, what are you going to bake, and do you need someone to lick the spoon?

Made, you need to be kind to yourself. We all understand the frustration, the promises, but it's those moments when the desire to keep drinking is so strong, that you need support.

Hugs made I've done similar too, and have a real fear of not having enough in 'just in case' I can't easily access any more.

claret I hope your having an amazing time. My eating is totally out of sync and holidays are always a bit of an eye opener as to how people actually eat (three regular meals a day is not something I've done in years). Could you maybe use the holiday as a push to try and build some routine when your at home. I need to do this too so if you want a buddy let me know!

faire no I stupidly didn't get anything for sleep, but I don't trust myself not to drink anyway so wouldn't be safe to take anything. I have the option of some diazepam though which I might phone up and ask for.

Survived work, but feel very much like I'm faking it. Still freaking out about CMHT referral...have spent the last 15 years bouncing between being well and unwell (various mild-moderate mental health things), but never enough to be referred there. Also scared that have got to the top of one waiting list (IAPT) and I'm not sure they will see me now as have been referred to secondary care. So may have got to the top of one waiting list only to end up at the bottom of another. Can't work if I'm unwell as I'm drinking more, or I'm drinking more as I'm a bit unwell....chicken and egg scenario!

Anyway been awake well over 24 hours now so probably not making sense and need to go to bed! im still hoping that tomorrow morning I will keep my aim of not drinking, it sounds so small but would be a huge achievement.

Have a good day everyone x

I think my 'friends' have well and truly washed their hands of me. I went in the kitchen this morning and the tension is horrible, they're being really blunt with me and I hate it, not least because I've got to attend lectures with them and I really am dreading it. Friend 1 is going home tomorrow though, for her PGCE literacy test, so at least that'll be her out of the way. The other two stay in their room a lot so I won't have to see so much of them; well not until Monday, when friend 1 returns. I think our friendship really is over. Apart from counselling, I have no one in RL to talk to (my friends have told me to stop talking about drinking in front of them since I won't take their advice). One of my flatmates is lovely and keeps asking if I'm ok, I must not be so good at hiding my feelings as I first thought, and I'd quite like to go to her and blub everything out but she has her own shit going on so it isnt fair on her. I feel so emotional atm but cant show it.

And thank you all for being there for me

made you and your friends are all under so much stress at the moment, just be kind to yourself and remember that they have demonstrated so clearly that they do care for you. I remember exams and especially dissertation/ finals time as just living in a cloud of my own and others stress and hormones. are there uni run helplines that you could use to let off steam, or alternatively head out for a walk/ the gym if you feel up to it with some headphones and whatever music you feel like blasting out? Sorry if this seems simplistic and I know it won't cure anything but maybe you need to find some other ways to let out your stress/emotions and it has worked well for me in the past.

Good morning (just) to everyone on the bus ... made, so sorry to hear that you're struggling. I haven't read all of your earlier posts, apologies, but I have read all those of the last week or so. Can I ask what makes you so sure that AA isn't for you? To be honest, it's not necessarily for me but I did go for a couple of years and was able to extract some useful advice, make a couple of very close friends and disregard what I genuinely didn't feel applied. We're told to look for the similarities and not the differences, but I spent the first meetings doing exactly the opposite.

I say this because if you have no-one else in RL to talk to, you could treat just one meeting as an outlet to talk about how you feel.

I also agree with Elba - I remember all too well living in a shared house and going through finals etc - we had arguments over the heating being on or off, who cleaned the bath last, whose turn it was to buy the milk.

Sending you . I read your struggle of last night. I've been there loads of times - I have put a coat on over pyjamas and walked to the nearest supermarket. I've also got up and waited outside the same supermarket at 6am. Don't beat yourself up - it's done and it's gone. Think forward .....

made I think finding someone to speak to at Uni might be a good idea?

I don't know much about your situation but I had a difficult time at Uni. I remember being angry at my housemates for not really being there - but the reality was that they weren't really equipped to support me. Similarly I had a friend at Uni who had some mental health issues and I remember feeling out of my depth and asking him to get some help from a GP or someone who knew what they were doing. It sounds like your friends do care but perhaps worry about somehow being responsible if there isn't someone external like AA or a group that you can turn to. I hope that makes sense.

ma it was indeed constipation gate. That must be four years ago. Or five...

faire sorry for your losses too. Its hard when it happens so close together isn't it. I am glad that DH has me and LittleMissGee, but I can see how hard it is on him.

Tonight I am having a SuperEarlyNight with LMG. So I only need to get till 8pm or so, then home straight. Not worrying about any other day, just today.

I've just had a subway and that's helped a little bit. Going to head back to uni soon. Me and friends still not talking, but I've booked my slot for group scenario and am starting essay tomorrow (whole class had a weeks extension, yay!) Tbh I can't be bothered arguing with friends anymore

Hi babes, thanks for the NC lovely Faire. Hi to all the new babes and hugs to all returning babes, I haven't read the thread properly so sorry I can't mention you all by name.

I am quite surprised not to be in a dark hole with a bottle of gin - I guess I'm a tough old babe after all. I am so aware of how easy it would be for me to do it, I guess keeping myself aware of the risk and its closeness is my way of staying sober (most of the time), if that makes any sense.

Today is six years since my first DS was born. He was born at 20 weeks and I had to give birth to him knowing he wouldn't survive. Today it feels almost as hard as it did that day - even though I have my lovely DSs and I wouldn't change them for the world, I miss my boy who I never knew. On the day he was born they asked me if I wanted to see him and I said no but I really regret it now.

Sorry to hijack the thread - I can't really say any of this to anyone in RL, or at least I don't want to. If I started drinking right now I feel like I'd never stop but it is SO tempting.

Sober I was also thinking about you and the reaction of your DSis when you went home early and called it a day. One of the things I find hardest about not drinking or drinking less is the reaction of other people. I am a drinker, I always have been and that's what I am for everyone else too. I feel like I am letting people down when I don't or won't drink with them. Recently my uncle came to stay and bought us a bottle of wine and he actually seemed a bit pissed off when I wouldn't drink any.

I find it SO hard to fight those expectations, I feel like I am only Fun Margie to those people when I'm drinking. Who wants to go on a bender with someone drinking lime and soda?

So I don't have the answer but I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you're coming from.

Margie

Drinking wont help.is there anything you can do to mark the day, even just taking some time to sit and think and be.

I'm on textbook drill. Bath, bed, book and fizzy water. DD refusing to come to bed though so here alone .

Margie how much better to remember your DS not through the fug of alcohol. You carried him and cared for and about him, he is your son now and always. With love.

Oh Margie that must be so tough. Did you name him?
Thinking of you and your son