Chocking my baby

[Rdls25]

Yesterday was my nephews 4th birthday party while getting ready to go home my husband accidentally locked his keys in car so I left my 8 month old son in the care of my mum I placed my baby on the floor with my 2 nieces and 1 nephew as I've done many times before. Anyway on my way home my mum decides to tell me while I was outside my nephew decides to sit behind my son and put his arms round to the front of my son and strangle him! My mum jumped in straight away and took my son away as far as I know nothing was said to him or him as when I came in I knew none the wiser. Bit of background to my nephew he's a real stickler for being naughty his mum and dad split up as his dad was physically and mentally abusive to my sister he used to encourage my nephew to play up and be nasty. He's always been naughty but never anything like that always purposely destroying stuff at our houses and finding it funny. when he was told off he smirked and wasn't bothered at all, apparently everyone commented that he knew full well what he was doing. I'm really off and upset for my son and I certainly think he's old enough to know not to strangle a baby. I'm really * off that I wasn't told straight away and really annoyed that he wasn't punished for it. I don't want to fall out with my sister as I do love going round to see her and all the kids including my nephew but now I certainly don't trust my nephew round my son . It's just sat mulling on my brain really irritating me that it happened he wasn't punished and I wasn't told anything of it am I right to be annoyed should I say something? Sounds daft but I almost feel like I can't think of a better word but assaulted I know it sounds dramatic but I can't think of a better word

I have read the full thread but can't see where it says your nephew wasn't told off?!

You weren't there.

The issue most definitely is NOT that he should be told off/punished or whatever as that will not work and may make things worse.

You describe yourself how he responds to being told off with more bad behaviour...

that I mean that's all he's normally done

So why did you leave your son there if you know he smacks and kicks?

so quite plain and simple his mother should have told him not to do it simple as end of conversation

You dont know she didnt

But you have admitted you don't know what was said to him at the time!

His mum, your mum, your dad or your uncle may well have said 'careful now, that will hurt any X'

You just don't know what was said, so why not ask your mum?

And listen to what people on here are saying: your nephew needs professional help and you or your mum should broach this with your sister.

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/families-relationships-50/1455918-hands-around-my-babys-neck.html

No point replying unless you actually agree with the OP

Offred - your posts are very enlightening.

RDLS25 - it is very upsetting for you, but the only positive thing you can do now is to learn from it, and never leave your DS with him until your DN hopefully gets the help he needs.

Generally speaking, always go with your maternal instincts where there might be potential danger, because no one will ever protect your son as well as you will.

Yup and will probably ignore the same advice she's getting over there she's had here.

He's 4 and my mum shouted at him but i think he should be punished

That reads to me that your mum did tell him but it's not good enough for you is it. He was shouted at so he was made aware his actions were wrong, what more do you want? What do you class as a reasonable punishment if shouting isn't sufficient?

Haha! Love that she went over to nethuns.

That is a fucking flounce and a half!

'On the other site I got told off for asking for him to be punished'

'Don't listen to anyone who says you should ignore this'

Yup - there are exactly two ways of dealing with behaviour - punishing and ignoring.

Try to think of your before as a victim of his dad, just like your sister was. Try to talk to your sister about getting him some support e.g 'after xxx hurt baby, I've been thinking how hard it must be for him when he's seen a grown up hurting people. Do you think some post domestic abuse support would help?". Also just to reassure you, this is extremely common in boys who have fled DV. Most need some sort of play therapy. It's not his fault or your sisters but it does need tackling.

'Before' should say 'nephew'

OP? I just wanted to say I, for one, think you are absolutely RIGHT.

If you think this is a child with problems, you are RIGHT.

If you think posting on a forum, not liking the (hugely consistent) answers you get, should lead to ignoring said posts and then flouncing off then you are RIGHT.

If you think that so so many people here can ALL be wrong (including posts from someone who sounds like a child psychotherapist), then you are RIGHT.

If you genuinely believe you have received a 'bashing' and 'abuse' here, then clearly you are RIGHT in some mad parallel universe

If you believe that without help this child will indeed grow up to have major behavioural issues, you are RIGHT

If you think anything about this situation is worthy of using 'lol', then clearly you are unhinged RIGHT.

If you can grasp the frustration of posters here, then you are RIGHT.

Of way less importance than the issues this child patently has - and which so bloody obviously need addressing in a loving way working towards a long-term positive outcome - but teeth-itching nonetheless, if you think that a little more punctuation and a little less 'lol'ing would be beneficial then you are MOST certainly RIGHT.

There you go OP, you are of course RIGHT - happy now?

If you were referring to me I think I should be clear, I'm not a child psychologist but I have got a child who has behavioural problems (less violence and more self esteem issues) as a result of an abusive father.

I've had to learn how to parent her differently and teach grandparents etc as normal punishment of bad behaviour just results in escalation.