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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you get a tattoo that your partner really hated?

77 replies

juicychops · 03/02/2016 18:18

I have 3 tattoos from before my partner. I love them he hates them but obviously can't do anything about them.

I have wanted a tattoo on the side of my ribs for a few years now and have recently decided I want it of a bird. Its quite big. He hates the thought and has said if I get it done he will think differently of me.

whilst he cant physically stop me getting it done as its obviously my body, it kind of takes the fun out of it knowing he will hate it. I'm sure if I got it done anyway he would learn to tolerate it like the others, but part of me would feel a bit bad getting it done and I know he would be mega annoyed for 'ruining my body'

would you get it done or not?

OP posts:

HotNatured · 04/02/2016 12:39

I really don't like tattoos, they just do nothing for me. I guess to be honest I find them a bit try hard and tacky.

However, I'm seeing a guy who has four, first time for me, I was surprised when he told me about them (he has a wholesome look that is at odds with tattoos) and he was a little embarrassed about them and thought they may be a deal breaker.

They are not 'nice' tattoos, one is of a Cherokee Indian, which I find quite cheesy, but.... he is a lovely lovely guy with a beautiful soul, and so I don't care about his tattoos, they are part of him and his past, the fact that he has them makes him even more attractive to me in a lot of ways, I can't explain why, they kind of make him real and authentic and soulful !

DrMorbius · 04/02/2016 12:54

Op - would you get it done or not?

Personally I would work on reconnecting the part of my brain that allows me to make decisions myself. Then I wouldn't need to ask a bunch of randoms on a relationship website.

BTW l had two weetabix this morning, but I am hungry now, do you think I should have three tomorrow?

WalkingBlind · 04/02/2016 12:56

cheers As someone with neck and hand tattoos I would agree that it isn't an "odd" prejudice.... But it is certainly a prejudice and I think that's what they were getting at

Nothing at all wrong with disliking tattoos I find it often in my day to day life, however, some of the comments in this thread are OTT and I think that shocked a few people who didn't realise how strongly certain people feel against them.

motherinferior · 04/02/2016 13:05

Hmm. I don’t have a tattoo but I recently got my nose pierced. I did vaguely ask DP if he’d mind, and if he’d been absolutely repulsed by the idea I might not have done it. He wasn’t wild about it but seems quite happy with it (it’s terrific, btw, I am madly vain about it).

HotNatured · 04/02/2016 13:06

DrMorbius

Does it make you feel big and clever being an arse to strangers on the internet ?

StayWithMe · 04/02/2016 13:10

Don't forget, when you are 87yrs old, your care assistant will be washing your tattoo

Hahahaha Oh sorry, you were serious?
If I get to the state that I have to get help with my personal care, I really don't think I'll give a shinny shit what my carer thinks about a tattoo.

financialwizard · 04/02/2016 13:21

I'd get it done personally but I'm not someone who will be told what they can or cannot do, ever.

I expect you could stick me in your stereotype box too because I am female, ride a motorcycle and have several tattoo's.

fastingmum123 · 04/02/2016 13:22

I used to be a care assistant and always liked to ask the origin of people's tattoos. We had a couple of older women who had them done very late in life as their husbands where against them so when he died they went and got them done.

Original poster

juicychops · 09/02/2016 19:28

wow, so many responses since I posted! completely split in opinion

we had another discussion about it the other day and he kind of caved and said I can get a tattoo if he can pick where it is and what its of... I said ok but then he hated every single suggestion so I think I'm just going to get what I want (hummingbird) on my ribs as that is what I want and where I want it (I'm not going to permanently put something on my body that I don't want in a place that I don't want it!)

I'm sure we will have many other 'chats' about it but for now I am happy with the fact that I have 'won' for now

Mrshathaway, I LOVE tattoo fixers. although I love tattoos, I cant understand some of the things people choose as their cover up, but I'm sure mine aren't to everyone's tastes either!

OP posts:

Eekaman · 09/02/2016 23:27

I think OP's partner is being terribly controlling by trying to influence OP's decision.

Shocking stuff, OP really needs to show her controlling side and get it done to prove she's the one in charge...

Oh wait a minute - that would be controlling wouldn't it? I'm all conflicted now.

IrishDad79 · 10/02/2016 00:17

As a younger man, in my late teens/early 20s, I briefly flirted with the idea of getting a tattoo, but then I joined a gym near a rough part of Dublin and nearly every guy in there had a manky, scummy tattoo on some part of their anatomy. And it was then I decided, "nah, yer alright" to getting a tattoo. These days, you're more of an individual if you DON'T have a tattoo, and I'm forever grateful that I never got one. My dw hates tattoos also so thankfully the op's dilemma will never materialise for us.

JohnThomas69 · 10/02/2016 04:18

I've never been keen on them. I think back to when I was a child and you'd come across old(prob 40ish lol) men with faded swallows, tigers and snakes on there hands and arms. I always thought they looked so naff, old fashioned and a bit gross. I reckon it'll go full circle and the trend will fade again. I don't want the kids/teenagers looking at my body in 20 years time and thinking how gross and tacky my arms are with tattoos that I used to think we're hip and trendy.

HermioneJeanGranger · 10/02/2016 08:17

Why is it disrespectful for the OP to get a tattoo against her DH's "wishes" but it's somehow not disrespectful for her DH to tell her she's not allowed to tattoo her own body?!

Luckily DP and I both have tattoos, love them and want more. I have two in mind once I have the money saved. DP has one planned as well once he can save the money. I'm very glad I don't have a partner who thinks they can dictate what I can do with my body.

category12 · 10/02/2016 10:10

It would be one thing if the op had never had a tattoo before and the partner objected, but tbh, he knew she liked them and had them and has accepted that to be with her in the first place. I would still think her choice, but could understand his reaction a little better if it was a new thing.

But it's not new that she likes and has tattoos. Acting like she now needs permission to have one is a bit icky to me. He doesn't now own her.

PosieReturningParker · 10/02/2016 10:13

No. I really dislike tattoos and so does he, but if I suddenly decided to get one and he still hated them I wouldn't do it. Not that my body is his, but he has to look at it.

pinkyredrose · 10/02/2016 16:35

IrishDad what was the point of your post?

Toria2014 · 10/02/2016 17:42

I got a new tattoo last week. Never crossed my mind that my DH would not allow me to have it done! I had tattoos before we met. Along with a gaming addiction and an obsession with horses. He knew what he was getting in to

BackToTheCaveman · 10/02/2016 17:57

I got a new girlfriend last week. Never crossed my mind that my DW would not allow me! I had girlfriends before we met. Along with a porn addiction and an obsession with horses. She knew what he was getting into, didn't she?

TheSnufflet · 10/02/2016 18:14

I had an ex who got an awful, AWFUL tattoo. Done by his mate while they were all pissed using some brown ink that 'needed using up'. It looked WORSE than a prison tattoo. He knew I hated tattoos in general and got it anyway as a sort of fuck-you on a night that he was away. I said "I actually love you less because you've done this". And I did. I didn't leave him because of it (that would be ridiculous and there were maaaany other reasons) but it was just one of the little displays of disrespect towards me, or so I felt.

I still feel angry thinking about it. It's genuinely up to you OP - your body, your choice and all but your DP has the right to feel how he feels. Not everyone feels the same way about them.

category12 · 10/02/2016 18:17

Lol @backtothecaveman. I don't think those things are analogous.

It's more like going out with a goth and then complaining about their taste in clothes. You don't get to redefine someone's tastes just cos they're your partner.

But then the judgey pants about tattoos on this thread have completely gobsmacked me and I don't even have any tattoos. Some of you people might wanna examine some of your attitudes.

VagueIdeas · 10/02/2016 18:27

Don't forget, when you are 87yrs old, your care assistant will be washing your tattoo

That's only a concern if you think an 87 year old woman with a tattoo will be a rare thing.

It won't be.

And like I always say when someone says "Ew! What about when you're old?", if I'm LUCKY enough to get to 87 and my only concern is a tattoo, then I'll be a very fortunate old biddy indeed.

OP, I say it's your body and your choice. If your DP really would end your relationship over a tattoo, then you've probably dodged a bullet.

ravenmum · 10/02/2016 19:19

He ... has said if I get it done he will think differently of me.
How exactly? Does he mean he will think less of you because he thinks only unladylike trashy types have tattoos? Is this an "I am a better class of person" thing?

Toria2014 · 10/02/2016 20:24

That doesn't even make sense. Try again.

KUSOVIA114 · 05/04/2024 22:55

Honestly as someone who is turned off by tattoos I get why your partner is sad. My partner forced tattoos on me after 4 years of none and knowing they repulse me. It ruined the relationship, getting a tattoo just to spite your partner is always wrong. Don’t do it or you’ll end up single like my ex and with a ruined body!

Hairydairyfair · 05/04/2024 23:30

Just get the tattoo. It might last longer than him and that would be a good thing.

All these people saying that 'he has to look at you' and 'it is about respect' - I hope to never find myself in a relationship like that. How someone looks and dresses is not a mutual decision on the part of both partners. It's just slippery territory into coercive control.

Find someone who respects you enough to be delighted by and interested in your individuality and self expression.

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