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Original poster

Would you get a tattoo that your partner really hated?

77 replies

juicychops · 03/02/2016 18:18

I have 3 tattoos from before my partner. I love them he hates them but obviously can't do anything about them.

I have wanted a tattoo on the side of my ribs for a few years now and have recently decided I want it of a bird. Its quite big. He hates the thought and has said if I get it done he will think differently of me.

whilst he cant physically stop me getting it done as its obviously my body, it kind of takes the fun out of it knowing he will hate it. I'm sure if I got it done anyway he would learn to tolerate it like the others, but part of me would feel a bit bad getting it done and I know he would be mega annoyed for 'ruining my body'

would you get it done or not?

OP posts:

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 03/02/2016 22:37

I wouldn't either but I'm another that hates them. DH thought about growing a moustache a while ago but I said I thought they were hideous so he didn't! I love him because he's lovely but I wouldn't have fancied him with a moustache. Maybe the same for your partner. Loves you but would fancy you less with a great big tattoo over your ribs.

TokenGinger · 03/02/2016 23:02

I think you're going to get a split of opinions here from those who like them and those who don't.

I personally cannot understand why somebody would want to draw something on their body. There's no image, diagram, slogan, anything in this world I am SO passionate about that I want it carved in to my body for the rest of my life.

For a short while, I considered the lyrics to "Que Sera Sera" on my rib cage, then I thought nah, I'd hate that to show through a sheer dress or just be there when wearing a bikini etc. so I got it on my wall in my bedroom instead.

I can't say I'd leave a partner for getting a tattoo because I do think it's their choice, but if it was something not to my tastes like a football badge on their arm or "mam and dad" on their knuckles or something, I'd be a bit

2rebecca · 03/02/2016 23:39

no. If it's on the side of your ribs he'll have to look at it more than you. Changing an aspect of yourself (hair, tattoo , moustache) in a way that someone you profess to love and want to be your lover hates is saying their opinion means nothing compared to your vanity.
It's narcissism.
Yes it's your body, but he's also someone you profess to love. He's got to look at the damn thing.

2rebecca · 03/02/2016 23:42

How can you "enjoy" a tattoo on the side of your ribs that you can't see? Why not just get a picture of it? I don't get having tattoos you can't actually see yourself, like what is the point of slag stamps on your lower back? Talking about beautiful artwork is bollocks when you never actually see it. I like art, I buy pictures.

Imbroglio · 03/02/2016 23:47

Weirdly I would consider a tattoo now (middle aged) because I feel I know who I am now. Think carefully about what you choose, where it is, and how it might date you in years to come.

fastingmum123 · 03/02/2016 23:53

I have a tattoo of on my shoulder I'm not a massive fan of it (teenage rebellion and all that) it's pretty much a bigger version of the one on the cover of the girl with the dragon tattoo book but I had it done many years before that came out. I would never let dp know I don't like it as ever since we got together he's made snide comments about it and makes it clear how much he hates it so instead I wind him up saying I'm going to get more. Tbh I would talk to your do and explain how much you would like it done but if he's really against them fine.

TheCraicDealer · 04/02/2016 00:05

I agree about the mutual respect thing. He's not holding you to ransom by saying he'll leave you if you go through with it, he's not saying he'll not talk to you or give you grief about it. He's being honest and telling you that he'll think differently of you if you go ahead. I would too, if my DP made such a permanent modification to his body. And every time I saw it I'd be reminded of the fact that my views were less important than his desire to have something on his skin which he can't even see unless he's looking in a mirror.

The weight thing isn't comparable; it's normal to put weight on when you get comfortable. He's fat and (presumably) happy. Sounds like you haven't made your feelings about his weight gain clear, whereas he's been up front about how he feels about your plans.

SoThatHappened · 04/02/2016 00:49

I see his point. I don't like tattoo's not because I think they are trashy, not at all, I just think it is like putting an ugly sticker on a beautiful sports car.

The car looks better without "stickers" and so does the body.

I also dont get the point if it's on your side. It's under your arm and you cant see it.

itsbetterthanabox · 04/02/2016 00:55

I just think it's pretty sad of him to care so much. If his attraction to you is actually that fragile that's a worry in itself.
My partner can do what he wants to his appearance. He wouldn't ask me. It's up to him what he does. I the same. If a picture that is easily ignored is a huge deal then he isn't that invested.

WiIdfire · 04/02/2016 01:05

I love tattoos. I dont have any because I know my husband (And my family and my friends) dislike them. However if I got one he would not be rude about it and would not leave me for it, I dont think. Similarly, he has a beard currently. I dislike beards in general, but would not tell him to get rid for me.
In return, he doesnt tell me to lose weight, and he doesnt just have a moustache (even worse!!!) It gies both ways.

annandale · 04/02/2016 01:31

I quite enjoy looking at tattoos (and couldn't care less about them on wrinkly bodies - newsflash: your body is going to get saggy and wrinkly whether you have a tattoo or not) but find them the opposite of attractive, so I would be quite sad if DH decided to have one. I wouldn't raise any objection but would hope he wouldn't mind if we turned the light off a lot more when having sex. i guess i would get used to it but I would find him attractive in spite of it, rather than because of it.

Dh has recently decided to grow his beard much longer which i really don't like at all, but I don't feel I can really say anything. So I don't think your dh can stop you but I would have a think about not doing it tbh, would it be so bad? Surely the really perfect tattoo is the one in your head?

WalkingBlind · 04/02/2016 05:33

Well obviously a little bias as I'm covered from literally my neck to my ankle However, you can't say it shows lack of respect to get one, without also believing it shows lack of respect to expect the OP not to get one.

I would 100% get it and if he left over it then I would say that's not the right partnership to be in. If my DP shaved his head I'd probably laugh and find him considerably less attractive. I wouldn't leave him though!

Modifications will always be a touchy subject for some (seen clearly already lol) but at the end of the day you could be married 50yrs and your body is still your business alone. I'd be worried about some of the poster's here who are happy to let someone else control the way they look Because it is about control at the end of the day.

Fair enough a thorough discussion and months/years of planning but if I told DP he 100% could not do something that he felt really strongly about, then I'd expect to be told to fuck right off And rightly so.

Many people who dislike tattoos won't understand that because they think it's a fleeting desire for something trivial. Such as a new haircut, different style of makeup, etc. No point trying to argue the case otherwise, you can't force someone to understand

RidersOnTheStorm · 04/02/2016 05:39

I find tattoos repulsive. I ended a relationship with a BF who got one without mentioning he was going to because I find them physically repellent.

His right to get one, my right not to have him anywhere near me after he did.

HelpfulChap · 04/02/2016 05:42

A Sex Pistols sleeve sounds immense. I would love to see a PC of that.

HelpfulChap · 04/02/2016 05:45

Charlottexox - that should have read 'PIC'

fastingmum123 · 04/02/2016 06:42

I do find this thing about looks quite worrying if people are so quick to up and leave over a tattoo what's going to happen when their partner inevitably ages or due to some other reason their body changes? Are people that shallow that physical appearance is all that matters?

ThursdayLastWeek · 04/02/2016 06:58

No I wouldn't.

If DH decided to get a tattoo then whatever.

If he decided to get a massive one that he knew I would hate then that's indicative of him not giving a shit about my feelings/opinion. Which would be a deeper problem than just differing tastes.

HelpfulChap · 04/02/2016 07:02

My DW is ink-free. If she decided to get a huge tatt I wouldn't mind. Unless it was the crest of one of my hated football rivals. Then I would certainly start divorce proceedings forthwith.
Luckily I can say with absolute certainty that would never happen.
Phew.

Whathaveilost · 04/02/2016 07:39

the 1950s called, Blonde, they want their views back

How old and lame is this line now!
The poster did acknowledge that her views were old fashioned!

GinSolvesEverything · 04/02/2016 07:46

Opposite issue here. DH had a half sleeve done last year, knowing that I wasn't overly keen on it. (I actually think it's hideous). He wanted to do the full sleeve, but compromised and did the underneath of the upper arm rather than his forearm.

He is in the process of getting the other arm done too - he knows I'm not happy, but it's his arm so his choice. He will respect my preference of leaving the forearm alone - well I bloody well hope so anyway!

Note - I'm not against tattoos at all, I even have a small discreet one myself. I just don't like the style he likes, and I don't like the full coverage ones either.

ChubbyPolecat · 04/02/2016 07:49

If I wanted a tattoo I'd get a tattoo. It's my body my choice

Fairylea · 04/02/2016 07:58

Some very odd and prejudiced ideas about tattoos on this thread....!

Having said that, I think tattoos are one of those things you find attractive or you don't- a bit like some women like bald men and some don't and some men like women very skinny and some like curves, and so on. They do change a persons appearance and for that alone we can't help but fancy who we fancy.

Dh and I are both tattoo fans. I have lots and dh is literally covered in them from head to toe (apart from his neck and hands - you'd never know he had a single tattoo in a suit)! It would be an issue for either of us to be with someone who didn't like them as they are such a big part of our life - we both follow lots of tattoo artists on Instagram and talk about what they post and go to conventions etc.

I think your dh has every right not to like tattoos just as much as you have the right to love them. Whether that means you shouldn't get one though....? If it's really big and very obvious it could change the way he feels about your body. Depends how much that bothers you.

Sallystyle · 04/02/2016 08:58

Slag stamp?

I despair.

MrsHathaway · 04/02/2016 10:08

I love watching Tattoo Fixers - check it out, OP, as they're currently asking for volunteers for the next series.

Does he dislike tattoos full stop, or does he dislike the particular tattoos you're choosing? I'd be more inclined to listen to someone who said "not more skulls, have you looked at clock workings?" than someone who just said "tats are fugly".

The last episode I watched, someone had a crap barbed wire tat covered with a very artistic but startling zombie-bursting-through-his-skin tat. I was aghast at how violent and gruesome the image was, at the same time as being able to recognise the artistry in it.

I had a major haircut. DH expected to hate it and was not looking forward to it, but at no point tried to persuade me not to. He was right, and I hated it too. But it's growing back (fifteen months and counting). Because I like that he finds me attractive, I tend to choose clothes/haircuts that I know he likes. When he fancies me, I feel better about my body.

However, since you had body art before you got together I think it's a bit rich of him to complain when you plan more.

CheersMedea · 04/02/2016 11:20

Some very odd and prejudiced ideas about tattoos on this thread....!

A lot of people are prejudiced about tattoos. It's hardly "odd" though to dislike tattoos and strongly. Permanent body modification has it's origins in tribal and uncivilised societies don't forget - some of which is very frowned upon by the west.

The views here probably express a cross section of society - although probably less representative of the negative/prejudiced views as a thread like this is more likely to proportionally attract responses from those positive about tattoos.

Fairylea I note you in your tattoo loving glory say of your husband:

apart from his neck and hands - you'd never know he had a single tattoo in a suit)!

Why doesn't he have tattoos on his neck and hands I wonder?
Would that be because of the "odd" societal views about tattoos?

It is still the case that you can't join the army if you have visible tattoos on face and hands - so it's hardly an "odd" prejudice:

www.army.mod.uk/join/38156.aspx

Tattoos

If your tattoo is offensive, obscene or racist it will prevent you from joining the Army. Small tattoos that aren't offensive in any way are not normally a problem, depending where they are on your body and how visible they are. Tattoos on your head and face are not acceptable. If you have a tattoo, the best thing is to go to your nearest Army Careers Centre and ask them to check if it's okay.

Body piercing

Some body piercings will stop you joining, or re-joining the Army. If you have piercings that change the way you look, eg flesh tunnels that are larger than 4mm, or those which might affect the way in which your body works, eg some genital piercings.

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