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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How DARE he? Ar$e is too mild now - I am FUMING!!!

124 replies

essbee · 21/05/2004 18:00

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/05/2004 14:32

Did he leave the ones in the loft??

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 14:35

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OP posts:
lou33 · 22/05/2004 14:37

Essbee, harsh as this may seem, I would take it as a lesson learnt about not changing the locks sooner, and just don't let him get to you. Yes what he did was wrong, and petty, but cd's can always be replaced. I don't think you should waste any more emotions on him.

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 14:49

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
lou33 · 22/05/2004 14:53

Maybe in future , if you trust him enough to babysit the kids, then he could look after them at his?

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 14:58

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OP posts:
lou33 · 22/05/2004 15:00

Why isn't it possible?

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 15:04

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OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 22/05/2004 15:06

If he's petty and nasty enough to do this (and correct me if I'm wrong but he hasn't shown any remorse for his violence either has he?) do you really trust him enough to look after the children alone? I'm worried that he's still trying to do things to get to you.

lou33 · 22/05/2004 15:14

Did the issue of his violence ever get discussed essbee?

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 15:25

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OP posts:
spacemonkey · 22/05/2004 15:31

I wouldn't leave ds with him if I were you essbee

WideWebWitch · 22/05/2004 15:33

Me neither, sorry essbee I know you need a break sweetie (I wish I was nearer and could offer), I'm just not sure it should be him.

lou33 · 22/05/2004 15:34

Agree, esp if his drinking is directly related to his violence, and you know he is still drinking. Is he unable to remember because he was drunk, or just denying it? Either way is a worry, and I wouldn't feel right leaving them with him, if I was in your position.

Janh · 22/05/2004 16:11

essbee, I know that you won't, and why you won't, but I wish so much that you could tell your parents what he did and why you split up.

To them it still must seem as if you're just going through a rough patch, and if they don't "interfere" you will get back together. Surely if they knew what he is like they would support you much more?

serenequeen · 22/05/2004 16:42

hi there essbee

well done for leaving this guy. unfortunately - don't mean this to sound harsh - i think it is another lesson in the school of hard knocks. my advice is (as others have said) get the locks changed and formalize your financial arrangements, pushing for a big settlement. that way you might be able to afford a break with paid help rather than having to turn to him in desperation. sorry, i wouldn't leave the kids with him given what he did before

thank god you no longer live with him and have to put up with his shit on a daily basis. good for you.

Original poster
essbee · 22/05/2004 18:21

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OP posts:
bobs · 22/05/2004 18:40

I think its best not to let him know how much he is upsetting you - he's obviously trying to get you annoyed and get a reaction out of you - don't rise to it and sink to his level. Perhaps the best way to get back at him is to show you don't care - even if you do

tigermoth · 22/05/2004 18:44

they seem sound decisions to me essbee. Really hope something happens on the family doing more babysitting front. You could tell them the CD story without mentioning his violence if you don't want to. Just say you were building up trust in him again and then be betrayed it. He took your CD.s for goodness sake - not only his own. He was a thief. You can't trust him in to respect your property. As you say, your family will see the CDs are missing.

Am I right in thinking that your parents still have a soft spot for him? This story alone should challenge those perceptions and that has to be a good thing for you.

Lisa78 · 22/05/2004 18:52

I think you have to start thinking of yourself as a lone parent essbee, I mean, really get your head round that. And what do LP's do when they need a babysitter - they don't rely on their ex-arse to do it.
Solicitor - Monday, DO NOT put it off (yes Mum)

JJ · 22/05/2004 19:03

You'll be able to have more breaks once you get money out of the bastard. GET A LAWYER!

Lisa78 · 22/05/2004 19:04

A female lawyer - with an attitude like a barracuda

Lisa78 · 22/05/2004 19:12

With great big teeth to match

God I wish I were a lawyer, I'd leave him wanting to stick his willy in a meat mincer

jmg1 · 22/05/2004 19:13

remind me never to even ask to borrow one of your cd's ;o

Piffleoffagus · 22/05/2004 19:24

Hey you have lots of mates here, if you really need a break, one of us near enough can pop over to sit for the night....
Honest I would to save you from shit like this, no one should have to deal with such petty, but heartbreaking, "has it come to this" kind of stuff
Hugs babe
xx