Need support tonight

[Headdesk]

I know there are people on here with much much bigger problems than me right now but I need some support.
My oh cheated on me a month or so ago (just a kiss but I still consider that cheating) he said sorry we worked it out, he's done a lot to prove he's sorry and change things.
But tonight he's going out for the first time without me since it happened and I'm just a crying mess. I know I can't keep him in forever but the whole thing just has me worrying, will she be out (they run in the same circles but he has completely stopped talking to her or having any contact at all) will he meet someone else. Every bad possibility is going through my head and I really just need someone to tell me it'll be ok :(

From what you posted originally I think he realises how stupid he was, how fortunate he is that you have given him another chance, how anxious you will be tonight and a desire for to be 100% accountable for his movements this evening.

I believe that, as far as this evening goes, he would be unlikely to do anything else stupid.

As far as the relationship as a whole goes I think its more about why he cheated in the first place and whether you both can get beyond that and you trust him again.

It was many years ago, before I met DW, that I found a reasonably long term girlfriend snogging a stranger in a club and was told it was just kissing. I'm afraid that despite her assurances that she wouldn't do it again I couldn't get beyond the betrayal and we split up shortly after as the lack of trust consumed me from the inside.

Things can work out Headdesk, good people sometimes make bad decisions.

It's not been as bad as I thought it would. I've not freaked out as much as I thought I would.

How are you today OP?

It's been four bloody weeks! Getting through it is a process, which you've just started. Don't you push yourself to feel a certain way before your ready, how you feel now is normal and although I understand your rush to get over it, it doesn't work like that.

It's very early days and unfortunately this is the part of the price you're paying for his behaviour.

I'm ok today :) he came home hours before the rest of them went home.

That's really positive Headdesk

Well done you

It will get easier. I do think sometimes it takes a fuck up for a person to realise what they've actually got. Iykwim.

I've seen plenty of threads on MN in the last 2 years or so where a woman has started a thread because she drunkenly kissed a guy, feels overwhelmingly guilty and wants to tell her husband/partner. Cue the majority of responses saying "it's just a drunken kiss, you've not done it before, you feel dreadful, you clearly won't do it again, don't say anything, just forget about it".

It's presumably much worse for a man to do this than a woman.

OP, I think you're doing great, think you've been given a much tougher time here than was warranted based solely on what you've told us.

Well you didn't discover it, he told you, and that's a good sign. I also think that posters have been harsher than usual, not sure why.

Good luck OP, hopefully it was just a one off mistake.

Glad he came home nice and early.
Hope the next time he goes out is easier.

I hope you have told him how upset you felt last night - from your posts, I feel like he maybe didn't know and that you kept it in and then were in bits once he went out? Anyway, I don't mean you should beat him over the head with it - you are both trying to move on - but he should know that it's still not easy.

Maybe a gentle "I was a bit of a mess on Saturday night once you left" just so he knows?